Feeling Like A Woman

Both of us have been pretty busy.  Work and family do that do you right?  It hasn't stopped Diane from staying in touch with her lover Brian every day.  i also do my best to email Jake.  It feels very strange, both of us going about setting up our next dates with our boyfriends.  Diane's take precedence of course, and i always have to ask Her permission before i can meet with Jake.  She's never said no to my requests, and doubt She would have reason to.

Last night, after a weekend spent with family, i asked Diane if She was "falling in love" with Brian.  i've been holding back on asking Her that, despite Her repeated assurances that this whole thing was going to be just about sex.  i still have insecurities and i sometimes see subtle changes in how She acts, and particularly in how She views sex with me. 

Our sex has a little more of an edge to it.  She's more controlling, demanding and in subtle ways, quick to point out the differences between me and Brian.  She's touched on my passivity as opposed to his aggression, my strong desire to please as opposed to his demand to be pleasured.  Some of the things Diane says or does are hard to specify, but just add to a different atmosphere She's creating and seems to enjoy.

Last night Diane initially ignored my question about whether She was falling in love with Brian.  Instead, She said to me "You know, sexually, I'm very similar to Brian."

"How's that?" i asked.

"Well, we both know how to make someone feel like a woman" She answered. 

The comment hurt at first.  Then She put her arms around me from behind, kissed my neck and whispered "Well?  Don't we?"

i know Diane does, and i'll have to take Her word for it about Brian.  From all indications, he does too. 

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Cuckolding Indifference

Diane had Brian over one night this week while i was out of town.  He didn't spend the night even though She wanted him to.  He needed to get back to his hotel room at a decent hour just in case his wife were to call him.  Even though like most people they talk on his cell phone when he's traveling, he doesn't want to take the chance that she would try to reach him at the hotel.  i can understand that.  Unlike Diane's situation where She has no such concerns about my finding out, Brian's is much different. 

This "open cuckolding" makes Her lifestyle much easier, and as Her relationship with Brian becomes stronger and more intimate, She enjoys flaunting it in front of me.  She's told Brian he can call Her on Her cell phone any time he wants.  She's told him if She can't talk, She'll just make believe it is someone from work and cut the conversation short.  Keep in mind, that Brian thinks Diane is keeping their affair secret from me.  Instead, i know everything Diane wants me to know about it. 

When Brian calls, rarely does She tell him that She's unable to talk, even if i am right next to Her.  Within a matter of seconds they're totally engrossed in what's usually a pretty erotic conversation, either talking about past or upcoming trysts of theirs.  Her indifference to my presence is sometimes difficult to accept.  There have been a few times where i thing She's actually told him to call at specific times that might even be more humiliating for me.

That seemed to happen last night when, only a few minutes after She told me to get down to just my bra and panties and get ready to please Her, Her cell phone rang.  She knew it was Brian and simply answered "Great timing!" She explained to Brian that She was alone for a little while and was just getting ready to change into something more comfortable.  He must have urged Her to do so, and She too was down to Her bra and panties. 

i stayed kneeling in front of the loveseat where She was sitting and their conversation got pretty steamy.   She then asked him to hold on for a minute and after She put Her hand over the phone, told me to go stand in the corner.  i felt humiliated and wanted to just walk out of the room.  i almost did.

Instead, i obeyed and stood in the corner while She talked with Brian.  i tried to block their conversation out but couldn't.  Like an inferior cuckold, i got hard in my panties.  The humiliation kept turning me on. 

When their conversation was over (cut short because Brian had to go), i was called back to kneel in front of Diane and pleasure Her.  i wasn't there long.  She came very quickly.  She also let me play with myself sissy style while holding Her panties.  "I bet Brian would have loved to know my sissy cuckold was standing in the corner while we were talking" She said.  That made me cum instantly. 

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My Special Panties

Thanks to everyone who left comments to my last post about where to find the kind of panties that Jake would like to see me in.  Well, i finally ordered some today and soon, i'll be modeling them for him!

Diane's fully aware of my special search and has been helpful in her own right.  Not necessarily from finding the exact solution for me, but in discussing the feminine mindset of dressing sexy for your man.  There's been some teasing about it, but amidst all the teasing and joking around, She's right that it really does make me feel more feminine and even submissive. 

There's almost a willingness on Her part to want me to look prettier, sexier and more feminine for Jake.  Similarly, i'm also resigned to the fact that She's doing the same thing for Brian.  On the days when i know She's going to meet him, there's always either new or the best sets of lingerie laid out for Her to wear and plenty of extra primping on Her part. 

She likes the panties i ordered and once they arrive and She gets to see them on me, She may even order some for Herself.  Different colors though.  Brian loves Her in black.

Here are the panties i ordered.  Three pairs, one each in pink, blue and white.

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Looking for Panties

A busy week came to a difficult end yesterday. i wrote several times about a previous bi relationship i had with Ken until he moved away, and how i was looking forward to seeing him when he visited this summer.  That was before i met Jake and i just wouldn't have felt right playing with Ken while being involved with Jake.

i had lunch with Ken yesterday even though i had told him i didn't want to play.  We had plenty of intimate and fun times together and are still friends.  It was a difficult lunch.  He told me how disappointed he was that we couldn't play together while he was here and left the door open if i wanted to do so.  i'm not going to change my mind.  When i played with Ken, he was the only man i was involved with.  That was our agreement.  He understands and we're still friends and i have to say that he still makes me horny.

Things seem to take more time with Jake than they did with Ken when it comes to expressing his fantasies openly.  i can understand because i'm the same way.  But we're both making progress.  Yesterday, Jake revealed to me how a certain type of panty really turned him on (not wearing them..lol...but seeing them on me!) and how he'd like me to get a few pairs.  He loves panties that have a seam straight up the back along a woman's ass cheeks.  i'm not sure what you call panties like that and he even sent me a picture of what he meant.

 So now, i'm on the market for panties like that and haven't been able to find many online.  i haven't gone out shopping for them yet either but if any of my readers know where i can find something similar (he would love to see me in a pair of white ones) please let me know.  i'd love to have them for our date next week!

Feel free to leave your suggestions here, or if you prefer send me an email.  Thanks :)

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A Complete Cuckold?

i had to take somewhat of an unexpected business trip this week and haven't been able to post anything on the blog.  i procrastinated in doing so last weekend and then when i found out i had to travel late Sunday, i just ran out of time.  In fact, i'm still away from home and won't be back until tomorrow night. 

There was a time when traveling alone was something i looked forward to because of the opportunity it gave me to fully express my feminine self.  i would bring some lingerie with me, do some shopping and several times i even visited a woman who provided makeovers for crossdressers.  There was no sex involved, but just an entire makeover from head to toe that included makeup, a wig, and just about any type of clothing you could think of.  i used to love my trips to Chicago!

For the most part, that thrill is gone because i have the opportunity to express my feminine self both at home and with Jake.  At home, my role as Diane's wife couldn't be any clearer.  Not only am i expected to do all the things a real wife would do, She goes out of Her way to make sure i know that i'm the wife and She wears the pants in the family.  It's become more pronounced since She and Brian have been seeing each other.

My Friday date with Jake was really nice.  i got to get dressed fully for him at his house despite my nervousness.   It was silly because there was no way anyone was going to be around.  It was the first time i wore a dress, hose, heels and a wig for him.  It felt so awesome to be held by him and have him cup my ass as he brought me close to him.  It wasn't the first time we kissed, but it was the best by far.  i pleasured him several times and after the last time, he "allowed" me to play with myself (in sissy fashion of course) and i came while i licked his balls one last time.  He also loved watching me lick up whatever cum spilled on to the kitchen floor!  i am beginning to really love his growing dominance.

Brian and Diane got together tonight, and i still haven't heard from Her yet.  She told me if i didn't hear from Her than Brian may be spending the night. 

i hate to admit it, but the fact that Diane has become submissive to another man seems to be a type of humiliation i crave.  In some ways, it seems to be a step towards making me a more complete cuckold.   But i also have a feeling there's even further to go. 

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A Sub Sissy's Lack of Confidence

It's not surprising i suppose that a submissive like myself lacks confidence.  There are some things i want to bring up to Jake that deal with some of my more kinky fantasies that i'm afraid to do right now, preferring to bring them up at the right time or waiting until we've been together more often. 

i'm seeing him today for one of our supposed Friday golf games,  only this time we're playing at his house this afternoon.  He's assured me that no one will be around until at least six o'clock or later tonight so we'll have plenty of privacy.  i'll still be nervous though.  It's just something i can't help. 

This morning while getting dressed Diane looked at me and said "I like those panties, are those new?"  i told Her they weren't but that i hadn't worn them in awhile.  They were white panties with a pink and white floral pattern on them and some scalloped lace panels in the front.  "I think Jake will like them" she laughed.

I was a little surprised when She told me I was more than welcome to take the handcuffs we had used the other night if i wanted to.  "You seemed to enjoy having them on" She laughed, adding that She enjoyed using them to.  i didn't really answer Her, instead thinking about how i lacked the confidence to introduce the handcuff play to Brian.

"Can i ask You who's idea it was to use them the other night?" I asked Her. 

"Both of ours really.  We had talked about it before, you know discussing some fantasies and things.  I guess it was Brian's idea, but I knew he'd be bringing them" She told me.

"Why didn't he take them back?  Did you tell him he could leave them here?" I asked her, curious as to how they ended up staying here.

"It makes sense to keep them here.  I just told him it wouldn't be a problem that I would make sure they were hidden where you wouldn't see them.  I could tell him that it didn't matter if you saw them or not.  Or even, that I used them on you!" She said with a big smile, walking over to me to give me a kiss and a stroke on my panties. 

"Someone's a little excited I see" She said feeling me through the panties.

i was.  All these thoughts were going through my submissive mind at the same time; having been handcuffed with the same cuffs my wife's lover used on her, the impunity with which She decided to keep the handcuffs here in plain sight for me to see, the idea of asking Jake to use them on me and finally, wondering what other toys Diane might possibly get Brian to leave here.

i was lost in thought when Diane said "I better stop stroking you before you mess those pretty panties!"

Yes, She always knows what's best.  i want Jake to see these today.

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"It's Only a Game"

My lack of posting the past few is a reflection of my mood.  It's been an emotional week for me.  Diane's meeting with Brian Monday night revealed something i'd suspect for awhile but wasn't really sure about.  Their relationship has turned a little kinky.  Kinky in that she enjoys submitting to him. 

That's been hard for me to deal with.  Never in our marriage has Diane ever exhibited or revealed any desire to be submissive.  It's always been the exact opposite.  Now, she's submitting to Brian.

i didn't find out exactly by accident either.  Diane does nothing by accident.  It's all planned.  The handcuffs were laying on the chair in our bedroom right next to her bra and panties.  She obviously wanted me to see them.

i can't say i was shocked, but confirming my suspicions hurt in a way.  And She could see it.

"Look, it's only a game" She said.  "Get over it."

i told her i was surprised because She never let on that it was something She enjoyed.  i wished She would have told me.  Then what She said has really stuck with me:  "How could I enjoy being submissive to someone who I knew couldn't be dominant.  It just would never feel right."

Later, i found myself in the same handcuffs Diane had worn earlier that night for Brian.  With my hands cuffed behind my back, i licked her pussy.  As i licked She told me that She had worn them while sucking his cock.  It didn't take me long to cum in my panties after She said that. 

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Sissies and Petticoats

Every sissy has their own favorite items of female clothing.  While most of us love all things feminine, there are just certain garments, colors or styles that simply make us swoon!

i can't say that i have an absolute "favorite" item because sometimes it depends on my mood and i get aroused by different things at different times.  One of my absolute favorites though, regardless of my mood is a pretty petticoat.  i don't get to dress in them often, but when i do the feeling is heavenly.  i have a couple of petticoats and each time i wear them in Diane's presence She'll make me twirl around and model it for Her.  That is so lovely!

i'm hoping to introduce my wearing of petticoats to Jake soon.  i hate to unload all of these fantasies on him right away for fear of scaring him away.  i think i'll be able to figure out how he'll feel about them soon and at the right time, bring it up.

One of my favorite petticoat sites is Petticoat Pond, which i have linked to in my "Of Interest to Sissies" blog list section.  Here are a few delicious selections from their Update Log:

 This one is called "Snow Bunny" and the model is in a rather seductive pose which is her feeble attempt at modesty.  She's hiding her bra but leaving her beautiful pink petti or tutu exposed.  Beautiful.

Here's something a little more vintage; a powder blue full petticoat on a lovely smiling model.  She's obviously happy to be wearing the petti and probably just getting ready to put her dress on and maybe head out to a square dance.  But no...not in those heels!

And last but not least, is there anything better than a petticoat as part of a sissy maid's ensemble?  Especially one where your panties can be seen?  You're right, there isn't!

It's off to the baseball game tonight while Diane hosts Brian at our house.  i keep wishing i was there, but realistically, not sure I could go through with it.

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Boyfriends Are Back

Both Brian (my Wife Diane's lover) and my new "boyfriend" Jake are back from their vacation tomorrow.  Diane has already spoken with Brian several times while he's been gone and i have been in contact with Jake via email.

Diane's wasting little time in getting together with Brian.  i've been told to "make yourself scarce" tomorrow night because Brian is coming over for the evening.  i'm to be out at a ball game and not home before 10:30 PM.

It's the harsh reality of cuckolding.  Diane told me not to worry, that i'd get to enjoy Her when i returned.  She promised to save me "a little something."

i'll write more tomorrow.  We just returned from a weekend away.

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Meeting a "Wife's" Needs

Other than going into the office just briefly yesterday, Diane decided to take the entire week off.  It's been nice.  We got to spend time together, talk, shop and just enjoy being together while our "boyfriends" are away on their own family vacations. 

Despite having my period this week, we've been rather sexually active.  Diane's teased me about how horny She's been all week and how much She misses manly sex with Brian.  i've pleasured Her as best i could (at least twice each day) orally and a few times, using a hand held vibrating dildo on Her as She fantasizes about Brian.  This form of pleasure for Her has given me an insight into some of their lovemaking.  Diane might be exaggerating some of the things She talks about while i pleasure Her this way, but there's clearly a change in Her approach to sex since She's been with Brian. 

She hasn't made love to me with Her own strap-on since i started my period on Sunday.  However, there have been multiple "sissy masturbation" sessions, even a few while i was still "fully pantied."  It does make for a little bit of a mess and Diane laughed and told me since i lacked so much control that "maybe you should wear a diaper instead of panties."  She's also been teasing me by saying that She hopes my period is a short one so that She can make real love to me before the weekend.  That's a good sign.  I'm expecting Her to let me know today that my "time-of-the-month" has come to an end.

We were shopping the other day and Diane picked out a cute little summer nightgown for me.  i also pointed out something that i thought would look good on Her.  Her first comment was "Do you think Jake would like it?"  i told Her i thought he would, but that i really liked it.  We bought it and She wore it for me the next night. 

As we were shopping i thought about how each of us works hard to please each other as their "wife."  In our relationship, we really are each others "wife."  i don't sexually pleasure Diane like a real man would, and we're both more than okay with that.  But She definitely pleases me like a wife gets pleased.  She's even back to calling me "wifey" more and more.  i am loving all of it.  The more She does these things, the more submissive and feminine i feel.

By all indications, She's loving it too. 

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Feeling Feminine & Sexy

Diane had me modeling some lingerie for Her tonight.  It made me feel so damn feminine and sexy.  i just had to share how sexy i felt with all of you.  i had to admit to Her how much i wanted to serve....either Her, Jake, or Brian.

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A Sissy's Independence

As a married submissive sissy, i consider myself lucky in so many ways.  Most of all, i'm incredibly fortunate to have an understanding (not to mention Dominant) Wife who loves me very much.   In our marriage, we're both very fortunate to be who we want to be.  It's not always easy but we've managed to make it work. 

Diane wanted to surprise me with something very feminine for the July 4th holiday.  She just told me that She wasn't able to find exactly what She wanted, but who knows, we may have time for shopping tomorrow. 

She did send me this photo of a cute little patriotic sun suit.  She thinks every sissy should own a little girl's sun suit.  i wouldn't disagree with Her even if i was allowed :)

i may not have time to post tomorrow, so let me take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Independence.  Have a very safe holiday. 

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Loving Her Sissy

Diane must have left out the tampons and pads last night before she went to bed.  They were on the vanity in the master bath when i got up this morning; a reminder that i was due to start my period today.  i had it on my calendar but Diane enjoys doing little things like that just to make sure i don't forget. 

i was getting ready to use the supplies She had put out when She told me to hold off until later this afternoon.  "Periods don't always start first thing in the morning" She said with a laugh.  i smiled at Her and put the things back on the vanity.

i'm also feeling femme today for a few other reasons.  As my role as Diane's submissive wife and cuckold becomes more ingrained in our lives each day, and as i continue to see Jake, the tone and content of many of our conversations with each other have also changed.  For instance, this morning while sipping on Her morning coffee and reading the Sunday newspaper Diane said "Isn't it funny how both our boyfriends are gone on vacation with their wives this week?"  I agreed that it was quite the coincidence.

Maybe i shouldn't be, but i was struck by the nonchalance with which She said that to me.  i thought about how possibly, even though i am still Her husband, She really doesn't look at me that way any more in the traditional sense.  She seems to view me more as Her submissive girlfriend and even treats me that way sexually.   Because of that, i'm finding myself needing more affirmation of Her love for me.  i'm a little more insecure than i was and it's not because of my cuckolding but more because of how i think She sees me. 

Late this morning we went to the gym together and after showering when we got home,  Diane told me it was time for some fun.  i love pleasing Her.  i don't think i'm that different than many submissives who get tremendous emotional satisfaction from pleasing their Dominant Wives.  Our own sexual gratification isn't that important to us.  That's how it is with me and Diane.  But today, She made sure i got satisfied as well. 

Once again, i took Her strap-on rather aggressively.  She enjoyed teasing and taunting me, telling me i'd better not cum until She gave me permission.  i'm glad She didn't wait to long to give me permission.  i came when She was deep inside of me.  It was a powerful orgasm for me.  But it wasn't the best part of the morning for me.  There were two things that were more important to me.

The first was when i provided her pleasure.  The other, and most important of all, was when She told me She loved me.

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