The Need to be a Wife

i haven't been able to see Jake at all this past week and similarly, Diane hasn't been able to get together with Brian.  The timing of these things has been kind of nice, setting us back several months to the times when we were without other people in our lives.  i've spent the last week focused almost entirely on my role as Diane's submissive wife.  i've enjoyed it very much.

The most difficult part for me this past week has been dealing with the reality that Diane misses being with Brian far more than i miss being with Jake.  At least that is the feeling i get.  i don't think that She misses him from an emotional standpoint, like She's deeply in love with him and can't live without him.  She misses the sex.  The sex with a strong, masculine man who enjoys being in charge.

Yes, she loves the benefits that come with having a submissive husband that She can use any way She wants to.  But by the same token, she loves having a lover that gives Her what i just cannot.

As for me, while i miss Jake i also realized that my bisexuality is something that has peaks and valleys of desire.  There are times when i want Jake's cock and his manly touch as much as anything.  There are other times when that sexual craving just isn't as strong.  Yet with Diane, her "valleys" of desire for Brian and what he provides don't seem to come as often.

Diane has spoken with Brian though and She tells me She's begun to hint about our relationship (telling him about Her dominance over me).  She's seeing him later this week and i'm supposed to see Jake.  i'll be glad to see him but my mind will be on what's taking place with Briand and DIane.  How much will She share with him and how will he react?

Thanks for listening.  As much as i enjoy being with Jake, being Diane's wife is a far greater need of mine.

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Still Her Sissy Wife

"I'm happy for you" Diane said as we sat down for the dinner i had prepared for her last night.  She was referring to my meeting Jake and how things seemed to be going so well.  She had just asked me when i would be seeing him next and i had told Her that our plan was to try to get together on Monday.

It seems like even though we still have plenty of intimacy with one another, albeit not the type a traditional marriage would have, that we are sort of leading parallel lives.  She has Her thing with Brian, and i have my thing with Jake.

i thanked Her for the comment as i took off my apron and got ready to take my place at the dining room table.  "I'd prefer you keep the apron on" Diane said, "it looks  nice on you."  i returned to the kitchen and put it back on and then sat down to enjoy dinner.

There was a long period of silence, though it didn't seem necessarily awkward, until i asked Her when She was seeing Brian next.  "Not until next week at the earliest" She said, answering as if i had interrupted some sort of deep thought process She was going through.  It was evident that i had, as the next words out of Her mouth were "I was just thinking..."

She proceeded to let me in on some of the things She had been discussing with Brian, and Her plans to "somehow introduce cuckolding into our mix."  Basically, Diane's continued to drop some hints to Brian about cuckolding, although She wasn't very specific about them other than to say he gets turned on knowing he's "fucking another man's wife."

"You know, the more I think about it the more I'm convinced that the best way to segue into the cuckolding conversation with him is to let him know that I'm dominant in our relationship" She said.  i was very surprised but not shocked.  After all, if full fledged in person cuckolding were to take place, my submission to Diane would become readily apparent.  "You know, let him know that I wear the pants in the house, not you.  I think it would lay a good foundation to move forward and remove some fears he might have of rocking the boat."

While we talked about it for just a little while longer, She didn't directly ask for my opinion.  She knows it's something i want, but understands that i'm very apprehensive about moving forward.  She did listen to me and i appreciated that.  i doubt very much that Diane won't follow through with this.  It may take Her longer than She'd like, but eventually i know She's going to bring it up to Brian.

Later as i cleared the dishes and cleaned up in the kitchen while still in my apron, Diane thanked me for a wonderful dinner.  Before She left to go into our living room She gave me a peck on the cheek and said "I know you're having a wonderful time with Jake and enjoying yourself.  I am happy for you.  But don't forget that you're still my sissy wife.  Your wifely duties to me come first, and the always will."

It was a less-than-subtle reminder, and it was nice to hear. 

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Sharing Fantasies

It's taken a little time but both Jake and i seem to be more comfortable with sharing some of our kinkier fantasies with each other.  i suppose once a man takes another anally, and similarly once you've given yourself up that way to another man, you don't feel like you've got much to hide.

Yesterday i was on the phone with Jake and we both got each other aroused.  i was telling him how i wished i could be kneeling in front of him with his cock in my mouth and he told me how much he loved it when i did that.  "I love it when you look up at me when you suck me" he said "and when our eyes meet as I'm looking down at you.  Just thinking about it has me real hard.'  i could only let out a sigh of frustration, indicating that i wanted nothing more than to be doing that very thing.

"You know what else i'd like?" he asked.

"Please tell me" i answered him, almost begging.

"Well, you know when I'm laying back on the bed and you're between my legs licking my balls and cock?" he asked me.

"Yes..." i said in anticipation of what was to follow."

"Well....I really love the way you use your tongue on my balls and..." there was a hesitation here, as if he was a little inhibited about what he was going to ask me.  "Well, I'd love it if you'd rim me and lick my ass."

I didn't want to hesitate, for fear that he'd misinterpret it as reluctance on my part.  "Jake, i'd absolutely LOVE to do that for you!" i said like a giddy little girl.

"Really?  You'd like to rim me?  Lick my ass?" he asked.

"God yes.  It's one of my biggest fantasies" I told him.

We both laughed. It was one of his fantasies and one of mine, yet it took this long for us to share it.

"I still want you to start with my cock and balls though" he joked "so that I can see those pretty eyes of yours.  Then when I'm ready, I'll tell you to slide that tongue of yours down to my ass."
 
We talked a little while longer but he had to run.  If the conversation had continued, i'm sure more fantasies would have have been brought up.  We promised to be more open about such things from now on.

i can't wait to see him again.  i want to please him, and fulfill his fantasy. 

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Just Like a Woman - My First Time

i got to meet with Jake this week (at his place no less) and it was an intensely sensual and pleasurable meeting.  Jake's wife was gone for a few days staying with her mother and he had the whole house to himself.  There was something very naughty about him taking me into the master bedroom and telling me i was going to be his "wife for the day."

The deep purple short nightgown he bought me as a surprise got me hard instantly.  Jake joked that i certainly didn't look very feminine with my little erection and suggested i do my best to hide it.  It was difficult, but i tucked it between my legs for him while modeling the nightie and he got a laugh out of that.  The black lace on the gown made me feel more sexy than sissy-like and i think Jake felt the same way.  i was soon on my back on the big bed with  my smooth legs wrapped around him as he lay on top of me.  i was swooning and wanted him.

Jake was as hard as i'd ever seen or felt him.  i wanted him in my mouth, but part of me wanted him inside of me even more.  He could tell and said "Do you think you're ready?"  As much as i had been thinking about this moment, it was another one of those things that caught me by surprise.  i wasn't sure what to say and i think he was uncomfortable with the silence and finally told me it was fine if i didn't want to.   But i did want to.

"Can we try?" i asked him.

"Of course.  We can stop anytime" he said as he lay on top of me and stroked my thighs, "just say so."

Well, after plenty of foreplay (really the best part), a large amount of lube, some discomfort, and plenty of tenderness and understanding on Jake's part, i took his beautiful cock in my bottom.

It took awhile before he entered me fully.  In fact, he let me control how deep he went, instructing me to back onto his cock when i felt comfortable enough.  i was on all fours on the bed and i just loved feeling the tip of his cock pressed up against me.  The most difficult part, much like taking Diane's strap-on, was the initial penetration.  i relaxed after awhile and enjoyed it immensely.

Jake used a condom of course, but knowing he came from making love to me that way drove me wild and i had an ograsm of my own, without even touching my own penis.  i felt like i had an orgasm "just like a woman."  In fact, those are the terms Jake used when he told me i was cumming "just like a woman."

When it was all over, i felt different and still do.  It's hard to explain exactly how i feel different.  Part of it is as if i've taken a huge step towards becoming more like a woman, while still retaining my physical masculinity.  There's a huge emotional component to it also.  i seem to feel an inner glow that's difficult to explain, a feeling of fulfillment.  i can't wait to do it again.

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Still Here, and Very Feminine

It certainly has been a long time between posts, with plenty going on to keep me busy, but also a few things that have toyed with my emotions.  

First, while we were on Long Island last weekend attending a wedding, Diane revealed exactly what the "special reward" She had in mind for me that i wrote about in my last post, "The Good Little Housewife."  i had thought about several things that i would enjoy but wasn't prepared for what She told me.  We were in our hotel room after the wedding reception and Diane had me pleasuring Her orally.  After Her orgasm, during our "cuddle time" She asked me if i was ready to hear about the surprise She had planned for me.  i told Her i was.

From the tone of Her question, i immediately sensed that it wasn't going to be something easy for me.  i was right.

"I think Brian's ready" She said.  There was a silent pause that seemed to last forever.  It hit me that the comment could only mean one thing.  "Ready?" i asked.  "i'm not totally sure what You mean."

"I intend on letting him in on our little secret; about you being my loving and accepting cuckold.  It would make things so much easier.  I've dropped a couple of hints, very subtle.  I have a good feeling about it" She said.

i can't say i was totally shocked, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks.   There was more silence.  i was face-to-face with an upcoming reality which until now, had been a fantasy.  It's so different. 

"Well?  You're all right with it aren't you?" She asked me.

"i don't know" i answered honestly.  "i think so, but i'm not so sure."  i was just being honest and told Her so. 

"Let's sleep on it and we'll talk some more.  I think you're ready" She added.  Diane understands me and i know She wouldn't do anything to hurt me.  Also, She asked that i trust Her.  She's going to pop the question to Brian only when She feels very confident He's ready for it.  And, it would only move at the pace She wants.

It was a difficult thing to hear and think about.  It also came on the heels of a somewhat disappointing meeting with Jake on the previous Friday.  i had spent a good part of the morning getting ready for Jake, wearing something sexy and special for him.  Unfortunately, he was pressed for time.  It felt like he was in and out in no time.  I was quickly on my knees and sucking his cock.  I have no doubt he enjoyed it.  He came quickly and all over my face.  Just a few minutes later he was out the door.  i felt like a cheap little slut.  He apologized for having to leave so quickly. i told him i understood, but it still hurt.

So here i am, more than a week later and i'm feeling a little better about things.  Diane hasn't yet brought up the cuckolding issue to Brian, but all indications are that She will soon. 

In the meantime, i'm enjoying my feminine self and doing things like taking long and luxurious bubble baths.  It's a lovely way to spend some time deep in thought by yourself.  i love shaving my legs while in a bath overflowing with bubbles.  Maybe someday i'll get to take one with Jake. 

Diane's already told me that she and Brian have done something similar when they've been together in a hotel that had a big jacuzzi tub in the bathroom.

On another positive note, i'm seeing Jake again this week and he told me he intends on "making up" for the brevity of our last meeting.   That made me feel better.  He's also got a little gift for me he says, and he wants me to model it for him.  i can't wait. 

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