My Bisexual Sissy Urges

It's been months since i've been with a man but my bisexual urges and fantasies haven't lessened at all.  If you recall, Diane decided that She didn't want me to be having an "affair" with Jake or any other man.  When that happened back in February, i was growing frustrated with Jake and his "on again off again" need for bi sex.  When he was in the mood it was very good.  When he wasn't, i wouldn't hear from him for weeks.

Just prior to Diane's decision i was also corresponding with a man named Howard.  He seemed like a great guy and the type of Dom i was looking for.  Unfortunately, i couldn't proceed with Howard and told him so.  i even told him why.  Howard thought i was a very lucky submissive. 

A couple of weeks ago, Jake contacted me again via email and asked me to give him a call.  i used to see him at the gym once and awhile but i hadn't seem him there in months either.  i was reluctant to call him and procrastinated about it.  i decided i would but thought it best that i let Diane know first.  She had no objection to my calling him in response to his email.

i talked to Jake for more than an hour when i finally called.  A couple of things have changed in his life, giving him more free time to play golf and do other things.  And naturally, once again he's interested in meeting with me like we used to with assurances that this time it would be different.  He says he's had the urge for awhile, and it's not going away this time.  i have reason to be doubtful but, i also have reason to want to give it another try....if only i could.  "Let me think it over" is how i left it.  However, we both left the conversation very aroused.  He certainly knows how to make me feel sissy and femme when he wants to.

i talked to Diane about our conversation and Jake's request.  "Are you asking for permission to see him?" She asked.  i told Her i wasn't sure, but that if i wanted to, knew that i would need Her permission.  She told me to let Her know when i decided what i wanted to do.

We had a follow up discussion about it last night and i told Her that i'd like to give it another try with Jake and asked for permission.  i wasn't totally surprised that She said "yes" though i was certainly prepared for a "no" answer.  But with Diane, nothing is as simple as it seems.  She's going to allow me to see Jake, but not just yet.  "I'll let you know when you can start seeing him" is what She told me.  In the meantime, i'm supposed to tell him i'm still mulling it over if he asks. 

i don't know how long Diane is going to make me wait, nor do i know why She's doing so.  If i didn't have to wait, i would probably call Jake and invite him over today.  i'm home alone and would dress in anything he wanted.  i'm aching to please him. 

i'm hoping that he's going to be as dominant and as charming as he sounded on the phone when we talked.  i know he can be.  i want to feel his hands roaming over me.  i want him to put me over his lap and spank me.  i want to drop to my knees and please him.   My list of wants is long, very long.

i hope Diane doesn't make me wait too long.

love,

sissy terri

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The Evolution of a Sissy

i was real young when i realized i had a fetish for ladies lingerie.  i didn't know it was a fetish at first, but i knew i liked it.  It was something i had to keep hidden for such a long time.  Even though i enjoyed the lingerie, i never once stopped liking girls or even considered sex with a man.  All of my fantasies included other women while i was dressed, but never did involve a man.  That came much later.

When thoughts of other men first crept into my fantasies, they always involved some sort of humiliation, i.e. being discovered, made to play the part of a girl in a school play, sent off to play with the girls because i was discovered to be wearing panties and other such scenarios.  The fantasies never involved my pleasing the men sexually. 

Eventually, i did start thinking about that.  They were all forced-bi scenarios where i was made to pleasure the men.  "If you want to dress like a girl, you're going to have to act like one." That was the theme of the fantasies. 

Eventually, the fantasies changed and they weren't all forced-bi anymore.  Desires for another man grew stronger.  i wanted to dress and be submissive to another man. 

Now that i've experienced that i wonder how many sissies experienced the same type of evolution.  It took some time before i realized and accepted my bisexuality.  It's not a huge part of my life.  But i'm happy that i've experienced it.  It's helped me feel more feminine.

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Repressing My Sissy Urges

Earlier this week i got an email from Jake, then a phone call.  i didn't answer the email right away although it was my intention to do so, so a few hours later he called me.  There was some small talk and he asked me how i was doing, how the holidays were and so on.  i had a feeling i knew why he was calling and sure enough, he asked me if i'd like to get together with him again.

The honest answer would have been a "yes."  The more difficult one was to say no.  Luckily i had thought this through before and anticipated that he would contact me again at some point.  To be honest, i'd even thought about getting in touch with him but i didn't.  Jake had often told me that his desires to be with another man, to have someone orally please him without any reciprocation, would come and go.  There were periods where the desire was so intense according to him, and other times when it would wane and be almost non-existent.

It made me feel so "used" and inferior.  i felt like i was his little toy to be used during one of his needy periods; someone to be tossed aside when he didn't feel like it anymore.  i didn't only feel like that.  Facing reality, i really was that plaything of his to use until his urges subsided.  The urges are back now, and he wants me on my knees in front of him once again.

Being looked upon that way by another man has its own perverse sort of pleasure for a submissive.  i'd love to feel his cock on my lips and in my mouth once again.  i'd love to dress sexy for him and be told to drop to my knees and pleasure him.  i just can't do it. 

The urge to be a submissive sissy to a man remains.  It was hard to say no, but i'm glad i did.  Maybe i'll change my mind someday, but i doubt it.

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Loving Her Sissy

Diane must have left out the tampons and pads last night before she went to bed.  They were on the vanity in the master bath when i got up this morning; a reminder that i was due to start my period today.  i had it on my calendar but Diane enjoys doing little things like that just to make sure i don't forget. 

i was getting ready to use the supplies She had put out when She told me to hold off until later this afternoon.  "Periods don't always start first thing in the morning" She said with a laugh.  i smiled at Her and put the things back on the vanity.

i'm also feeling femme today for a few other reasons.  As my role as Diane's submissive wife and cuckold becomes more ingrained in our lives each day, and as i continue to see Jake, the tone and content of many of our conversations with each other have also changed.  For instance, this morning while sipping on Her morning coffee and reading the Sunday newspaper Diane said "Isn't it funny how both our boyfriends are gone on vacation with their wives this week?"  I agreed that it was quite the coincidence.

Maybe i shouldn't be, but i was struck by the nonchalance with which She said that to me.  i thought about how possibly, even though i am still Her husband, She really doesn't look at me that way any more in the traditional sense.  She seems to view me more as Her submissive girlfriend and even treats me that way sexually.   Because of that, i'm finding myself needing more affirmation of Her love for me.  i'm a little more insecure than i was and it's not because of my cuckolding but more because of how i think She sees me. 

Late this morning we went to the gym together and after showering when we got home,  Diane told me it was time for some fun.  i love pleasing Her.  i don't think i'm that different than many submissives who get tremendous emotional satisfaction from pleasing their Dominant Wives.  Our own sexual gratification isn't that important to us.  That's how it is with me and Diane.  But today, She made sure i got satisfied as well. 

Once again, i took Her strap-on rather aggressively.  She enjoyed teasing and taunting me, telling me i'd better not cum until She gave me permission.  i'm glad She didn't wait to long to give me permission.  i came when She was deep inside of me.  It was a powerful orgasm for me.  But it wasn't the best part of the morning for me.  There were two things that were more important to me.

The first was when i provided her pleasure.  The other, and most important of all, was when She told me She loved me.

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Sissy Dates

My golf date with Jake went real well on Friday.  i picked him up at his house in the afternoon and even though there was no one around, we didn't want to take the chance to fool around just in case his wife came home early.  Well, we fooled around just a little bit!  He wanted to see the panties i was wearing and when i lowered my shorts to show him, he didn't hesitate to have me turn around and model them for him.  He also caressed my butt which immediately sent me swooning and got me aroused. 

i wasn't the only one aroused!  Jake took my hand and put it over his crotch.  i loved the feeling and couldn't help myself.  Instinctively, i was on my knees in his kitchen and feeling for his cock.  He stopped me, but only briefly, so we could move over to the dining room where he could stand and see if anyone was coming up the driveway!  His home is set about 40 or 50 yards from the road and the dining room window allowed him to see anyone driving up to the house.

i felt so submissive and feminine on my knees taking care of Jake's masculine needs.  At the same time, i was fulfilling needs of my own.  The need to serve.  The need to feel like a man's "wife", "girlfriend" or "sissy."  The need to please.  And the need to feel a man in my mouth.  i was totally aroused but didn't touch myself.  i hoped Jake wouldn't make me play with myself like the last time and he didn't.  Sometimes, the Dominant's pleasure is more than satisfying for a submissive.

The golf was fun.  Of course, we shared the same cart and Jay would often sneak a nice feel on my smooth legs.  i really loved that.  We also got a chance to talk.  At one point, he told me that he'd like to have me wear a bra, maybe just a sports bra, when we played golf.  i was surprised at that comment but so  happy.  It made me feel like he was enjoying my femininity and would be willing to exploit it even more.

We also talked about future dates.  We're going to meet some day this week, possibly at my place and i want to wear something special for him.  We also talked about the possibility of going on a golfing weekend together!  i'm not sure how much golf we would play but the thought of spending a weekend with him would be so awesome!

When we got back to his place his wife was there and Jake introduced me to her.  Nancy seemed very nice and was both welcoming and hospitable.  She asked if we wanted something to drink and some snacks so i stayed a little while and chatted.  She asked if my wife played golf and i jokingly answered that the fact that she didn't was probably the secret to our successful marriage.  She laughed about that and said that she also didn't play.  The meeting went well and Jake seemed like he was relaxed about it.  i thought he looked a little tense at first but by the time i left, he was fine. 

In closing today's post, i do have to say that meeting Jake has been really great for me.  However, it does bring up a small dilemma that i've been struggling with internally for several weeks.  Ken, the man i had an affair with until he moved away, will be visiting in a couple of weeks.  i told Jake about Ken, but not that i was planning to see him while he was here.  i've thought it over and gone back and forth.  As much as i wanted to see Ken and play with him, things have changed and i wouldn't feel right being intimate with him while doing the same with Jake.

i know it sounds silly, but when i met Jake, we were both looking for a regular friendship that wouldn't involve running around with others.  i know i would be disappointed if Jake saw an old friend of his and had sex with him.  i've decided that i'm probably going to have lunch with Ken or something like that but no sex.  i hope he understands.

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Sissy Satisfaction

I was one satisfied sissy last night after Diane was done with me.  I did have to satisfy her first by worshiping her pussy and then her ass, but she seemed more interested in making sure my own feminine needs were met.  After getting into her strap on and making sure I was properly positioned and lubed, she was very deliberate and soft in her lovemaking, teasing me with the tip of her cock before sliding it in and even then, moving it in and out while I begged her to give it to me.

"No touching" she said as she forbade me to play with myself.  "No masturbating while I fuck you tonight. I'll control when you cum" she told me.  I was afraid I would cum spontaneously as she spoke to me and she realized that.

"You like cock don't you?" she asked me.  I answered her in the affirmative.  "I know how much you miss Ken" she said.  She brings up his name from time to time.  Ken was the last man I was with, and she knew all about it.  I had an "affair" with him for more than two years.  He was married and a retired physician with a wife who was still working.  They've moved away and yes, I do miss him.  But that's a story for another time.

She continued to make love to me, going deeper, but still sliding in and out at a nice soft pace.  "We both love cock don't we?" she asked in her teasing way.  Before I could answer, she said "I think you actually like it more than I do."

As her strokes began to quicken, she decided to let me cum, but on her terms.  She began to stroke me gently with her left hand and I just lost it, unable to control myself and cumming almost immediately.  She giggled and continued to milk me.  When my orgasm subsided, she let me lick her hand clean.

I was surprised though that last night, not once did she mention Brian and their next lunch date.  I was going to ask if something had gone wrong, but just let it pass.  It was a lovely evening for me.  

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A Gurl Friend?

So far, all of my bisexual play has been with somewhat dominant type married men who enjoy being serviced orally, some with a few other D/s related type kinks but nothing way over the top or extreme.  However, I've yet to play with another sissy, cross dresser or submissive.  It's something I've always wanted to do, but just haven't found the right person to do it with.  I'm also not actively looking and I am always very, very careful.

I do think about it often though, wondering what it would be like for two "girls like us" to play together.  I'm not sure I'd really enjoy it as much as playing with a very masculine guy and think it would be more of a curiosity thing.  When I'm dressed, and in one of my "bi moods", it's really a cock I yearn for and not just any cock; one that is attached to a real man who knows what he wants and how to take it.  But having a "gurlfriend" like me might be kind of nice. 

But then, there are times that DWD (Dominant Wife Diane) and I play in bra and panties.  I do love that, even though she's not wearing her strap on dildo and is dressed very femme.  Maybe she has bisexual or lesbian fantasies....just like me. 

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