Mothers and Sons

my last post left me wondering about many things that happened during my preteen and teenage years.  i mentioned that my Mom "must have suspected" about my interest in crossdressing and never said anything.  My mother was a very smart woman and i can't help but think that her decision not to confront me about it was the right one.  Making a big deal out of it at that time might have had very negative psychological effects on me. 

Society was not so understanding in the 70's and 80's.

As smart as she was i know she knew.  Perhaps her decision to leave me alone was because other than my crossdressing urges, i didn't exhibit any other type of feminine behavior.  i never played with dolls
or other girls toys and played more sports than most all of the boys my age.  It wasn't until later in life that i really started having bisexual urges.

When i first realized that wearing women's lingerie gave me sexual pleasure, i became worried that deep down i was gay.  i was petrified.  i tried to convince myself that the reason i got aroused by lingerie was because i liked girls so much, that even their clothes aroused me.  How silly was that?  Much later, i read a scholarly article (i think it was in Psychology Today) that touched on the subject of "Transvestism" (now there's a word you don't see much anymore) and studies had shown that the majority of men who crossdressed were not homosexual.  What a relief!

One fantasy i did have back then had to do with "Petticoat Punishment."  It's a very, very popular fetish or fantasy among CD's and i was no different.  i'd have fantasies about being made to wear my sister's clothes for getting in trouble.  What type of trouble i got into didn't matter, it was the
punishment i fantasized about.  Sometimes, it would be an aunt who would make me dress like their daughters' and force me to play outside with the girls.

It's all fantasy and very contrary to anything my Mom would have done.  Her common sense and well adjusted approach helped me turn into a successful young man and find a lovely Wife.  One could easily argue that i'm not very well adjusted, but i know one thing - i'm a happily married sissy :)

love,

sissy terri

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Early Sissy Reading

Growing up with two older sisters while simultaneously discovering my interest in crossdressing and other feminine things made for some interesting situations and wonderful opportunities.  i'm sure my Mom suspected but never came right out and said anything.  She never made a big deal about the few times a pair of my sister's panties were found in one of my drawers, though my sisters did tease me about it. 

i was careful about it and would do my best to return everything i ever "borrowed" to its rightful place.  i also did it when i knew i'd be alone for a decent period of time.  Those opportunities became more frequent when both sisters were off to college.  Whatever was left behind was mine to enjoy to the fullest whenever i could.  Their school uniforms were some of my favorites!

Another source of sissy sexual excitement for me was Seventeen Magazine.  i don't know if it's still around in print but it is available online.  Back then, it seemed to be the most popular magazine for teenaged girls and i wonder how many other sissies like me enjoyed it as well?  There were always plenty of copies around our house because believe it or not, my parents allowed each of them to have a subscription in order to keep the peace and reduce the number of arguments between the two of them.  i never said anything but i would have also liked to have had my own subscription!  The pictures of all the pretty girls in the magazine were my favorite but believe it or not like a true sissy, i actually read many of the articles!

Today's sissies have access to so much sissy or femme-related material on the internet it just doesn't seem fair.  How did we ever get by in the 70's and 80's without it?  We've made plenty of progress haven't we?  i can only imagine...i mean fantasize....about what the future will hold.  Perhaps a "sissy
version" of Seventeen?

Well, here's a little peak into the future courtesy of As The Worm Turns, one of Stana's lovely little blogs that looks at things with a rather progressive eye!

What sissy wouldn't want to know how to select the right bra size?  Develop a cute butt or how to hide that annoying little "boy bulge?"

Now that's what i call progress!

love,

sissy terri

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Caught in Panties?

Most of the sissies I've chatted with either in real life or online, or those that I've exchanged emails with, began crossdressing, or at least had an urge to do something like that, at a relatively young age.  Many relate stories about their first experiences taking place some time while they were in grammar school. 

I remember my own early experiences, the very first taking place before I really even realized there was anything sexual to it.  Years later, while I also felt sexually attracted to girls, I continued to be sexually aroused by female clothing.  Talk about confused.  I did take solace in reading somewhere that most transvestites were totally heterosexual.  I felt relieved.  But to be honest, now that I've come to grips with my own bisexuality, I really doubt that's true.  Maybe it is.   However, in my opinion (and it's not a medically professional one by any means), I think that men who enjoy dressing in female clothing definitely have bisexual tendencies and feelings. 

"Oh oh?  What was that noise?"

But that's a topic for another time.  Yesterday, a sissy friend of mine asked me if I had ever been "caught in panties", or caught dressed in female clothing by a parent, relative, friend, or anyone in a position of authority while I was young.  I can honestly say that I was never caught red-handed, although I had many, many close calls.  There were even a few times where my mother found some of my sister's panties in my room or in my drawer.  I denied any knowledge of how they got there, even going so far as to accuse my sister of planting them there as a prank. 

Looking back, I'm sure my mom suspected but never really said anything.   My sisters would tease me about it but the teasing never really got out of hand. 

I do remember however rushing around to hide things when someone came home unexpectedly.  Those close calls had my heart racing many, many times.  A few times, I had to throw my jeans or other clothes on over a bra and panties and wait until the coast was clear to take them off and put them away unnoticed. 

I think I'm one of the lucky sissies out there.  Based upon my discussions with others, many of them have been caught in either their mother's, sister's, cousin's or even wife's lingerie and the ensuing hysterics weren't that pleasant.  Perhaps looking back though, they did enjoy the humiliation!

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A Sissy's Feelings of Shame, Guilt & Humiliation

I was the youngest of three in my family, with my other two siblings being older sisters.  I don't attribute my fetish for crossdressing and other things feminine to the fact that I had two older sisters.  They, or my mother, never knowingly contributed to, or encouraged my fetish.  However, the fact that there were plenty of pretty panties, bra, slips and other feminine finery hanging around didn't hurt.

I remember the first time I had a full sexual reaction to a pair of my sister's panties.  It was wintertime and I was in the 4th grade.  There was something going on at school that my two sisters were involved in and my parents were there.  I was left behind because I had missed school that day with a cold but was feeling much better.  We lived in a very safe neighborhood and my parents let our next door neighbor, Mrs. B.,  know that I was alone.  She could check up on me if she wanted, but they told her I should be fine and asked if she could just call and see how I was doing.

After they left, I had the urge to go through both my sister's panty drawers.  They were in the 7th and 8th grade at the time and were just getting into girly things and developing an interest in boys.  I decided to try on one of my oldest sister's pink panties.  I remember how wonderful they felt and how hard my small penis got.

I remember taking out another pair of panties and a bra and laying on her bed, holding the bra and panties close to my lips and smelling them, fondling them and kissing them.  I suddenly felt a very different but warm feeling come over me and reached down between my legs and didn't realize what was happening.  I was in a strange state and for a brief moment had lost all control and oozed a milky fluid into her panties.  I was mortified and scared.

I hurriedly removed the panties and rushed to wash them as best I could.  I couldn't put them back into her drawer while wet so I wrapped them in a hand towel and hid them deep in my own closet.  I put the other two items away and made sure I tidied up her bed.  Just then, Mrs. B called to see how I was doing.  The phone scared the living hell out of me.  I told her I was fine and remember her saying "Are you sure, you sound like you just saw a ghost or something!"

To my knowledge, no one ever found out about that little incident.  I returned the panties a few days later and no one said a word.  What's most memorable about the incident was how shameful I felt after it happened.  I would do something similar many more times in my early years, teens, and even into adulthood.  Each time, there were feelings of shame, guilt and humiliation.

Today, thanks to coming to grips with who I am, along with the help of a loving, supportive and dominant wife, those feelings are a thing of the past.  I'm a very lucky sissy.

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