Sissy Cuckold Frustration

i hate thongs.  Yes, they look very sexy on many girls but on a sissy (even ones with the tiniest of clitties) i just don't think they look nice.  And since i don't think they look nice, i don't like wearing them.  And since i don't like wearing them....well, so on and so on.

Diane knows all this and after what happened yesterday, it's safe to assume She shared this information with Her lover Paul.  The information along with some plotting on their part made for a very frustrating and humiliating afternoon for me.

It all began when i received a response from Paul to my daily Chastity Report email.  Here it is verbatim:

Sissy,

You'll be happy to hear I'll be over this afternoon at 2 PM sharp.  And you're probably even more excited to know I have another errand for you to run where you will get to spend a little more of your Victoria's Secret gift card.  Like that?  

Today's shopping list is small, just like the things you're going to buy.  You're to buy two lacy thongs.  One for Diane and one for you.  Her thong in black and yours in pink.  Make sure you buy the right sizes, we don't want those pretty things to go to waste right?

I expect you back with the thongs before I get there.

Sir

The email came in shortly after 10:00 AM yesterday not long after I had finished yesterday's blog post.  Paul's noting to buy the right size was an obvious reference to that post.  And the requirement to buy each of us a thong?  Certainly Diane must have let him in on my distaste for them. 

I had a couple of other things to do and when I looked at the time, realized that I would have to get going soon if I wanted to be back in time.  I mentioned the email to Diane and She suggested that "you get your pretty little ass in gear and go shopping."  i was gone in about 10 minutes.

i did my other errands first before i went to Victoria's Secret.  i was my regular nervous self but found what i was supposed to buy and got the usual courteous service from the sales personnel at the store.  It was before noon and the store wasn't that crowded.  i'd be home before one in plenty of time before Paul's scheduled arrival.  i even stopped at a Starbuck's drive thru for a coffee.

Wasn't i surprised when i pulled up the driveway around 1 PM to see Paul's car parked in front of Diane's garage door.  My sissy cuckold mind imagined Paul himself pulled up right behind Diane in our bedroom, just like the front of his car had pulled up next to Her's by the garage.  My imagination wasn't that far off.

Paul and Diane were already in bed together.  It was 1:05 PM.  The bedroom door was closed with a note taped to it that read "Do Not Disturb!  We'll call for you P."  i could hear some soft moans and giggling behind the door.  They knew i was there, our security system has small chimes that go off (one of them is in the master bedroom) when certain doors to the outside are opened.  i had entered the house through one of those doors. 

i waited until 1:43 PM before i was called.  Diane opened the door and called down to me to come up and bring the thongs.  When i entered the bedroom both Paul and Diane were nude, She standing near the bed and Paul laying on it relaxing.  "Strip down and join us for a little while" Diane said then gave me a kiss. 

Stripping down to nothing but my CB-3000, even though Paul's seen it before, was more humiliating than ever.  Probably the circumstances of the whole scene made me feel this way.  While i stripped Diane had gone into the bathroom to retrieve some small scissors to cut the tags off the thongs.  She held them each out and inspected them, taking Hers and holding it in front of Herself while doing a little sexy dance while facing Paul.  He liked what he saw and chuckled. 

"Why don't you slip Diane's on for Her?" he suggested.  It was more than a suggestion and i did it.  Diane handed me the thong, i knelt in front of Her and guided the garment up Her lovely thighs so that it fit nice and snug.  She grabbed my head and pressed it against Her crotch.  i kissed it.  She held me there long enough for me to get an appreciation for Her wetness, probably the result of some heavy foreplay but i didn't think Paul had made "full love" to Her yet.

"Sexy! A perfect fit too." Paul said.  "You're turn, put the pink one's on."

i put the pink one's on quickly and felt silly.  The front of the thong didn't cover the CB-3000 real well.  my stiffled erection was a non issue since it was confined in the plastic dungeon and the back of the thong felt uncomfortable as it nestled between my ass cheeks. 

"Cute!" Diane teased.  "Turn around and show us your pretty little butt."

i did and Diane quickly gave me a swat on the ass. 

"Thank you" She said.  "You can go now.  Go check the laundry room.  There's some ironing to do."

That was it.  i was shocked, embarrassed, humiliated and then some.  i went to pick up my clothes and Diane stopped me.

"No no.  Just like you are now.  Scoot."  There was another slap on the ass.

i left the clothes there and hurried out of the room.  i was alone with my thoughts doing some ironing for some 45 minutes.  There was a pile of clothes in a basket that Diane had taken out of Her closet to be ironed.  Tucked in the middle of the pile were a pair of Paul's slacks that I hadn't seen at first.  Ironing his slacks became the most humiliating cuckold task i've done to date.

my ironing was interrupted when i heard Diane call out.  "Did you get to Paul's pants yet?  He has to leave soon."  i replied that i had and Diane told me to bring them up to the bedroom.  i did and when i got up to the bedroom She was at the door  waiting.  She kissed me, took the pants and closed the door.

i was in the laundry room when Paul left.  He didn't say good bye or anything.  Soon after he walked out the door Diane told me to meet Her upstairs.

i was finally physically involved.  Paul was gone, but had left me a reminder of his presence there that afternoon.

love,

sissy terri

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Cuckold Frustrations

Today is Wednesday, better known as "Cuckold Day" here at our house.  It's the day that barring any scheduling conflicts, excessive workloads or any other of life's distractions, Diane gets to spend some late afternoon time with Her lover Paul here in our home. 

When it comes to their Wednesday afternoon "dates" there's not much that i'm told ahead of time.  Information is fed to me in pieces if at all and as Diane put it once before, it's "on a need to know basis."  Obviously, there's very little need for me to know. 

Now that my cuckolding is out in the open with Paul, the lack of certainty and all the ambiguity about what's going to take place on any given Wednesday can be very frustrating.  i'm beginning to think it's even more frustrating than it was before, when the full aspects of of my submission to Diane was revealed to Paul. 

It's just a little past noon here and i'm not even sure if Paul and Diane are coming over later this afternoon.  Diane wasn't sure this morning when She left, indicating that both She and Paul had very full schedules today but that i should go about my day as usual, planning for them to be here around 3:00 PM or shortly thereafter.

"My day" as Diane puts it is a rather full one.  The list of things to do is longer than usual, even though it doesn't include a trip to Victoria's Secret that Paul alluded to in an email to me a few days ago.  That's another frustration, since he hasn't corresponded since.  i've also got plenty of laundry to do, a pile that includes many of Diane's "summer clothes" that were taken out because of the warming weather.  Much of it has to be ironed as well.  There were errands to run which i completed this morning so that i could change into my maids uniform for the indoor domestic duties. 

And so i wait.  There's still plenty to do and it's unlikely i'll be done by the time they arrive if they come at all.  The workload makes me wonder if Diane planned it that way so that when they were here making love in our bed, Her sissy wife would be busy doing chores in Her maids uniform - a heavy dose of sissy cuckold humiliation.  Or maybe She wanted to keep me busy in case they didn't show up.

i always over-think these things.  It's my personality and it's who i am.  And part of it is my craving for attention.  All submissives need it i suppose.  Diane says it's my poorly-disguised attempts to "top from the bottom."

Whatever it is, She takes full advantage of it.

love,

sissy terri

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Taking a Step Forward

"Are you playing with  yourself?"  Diane's voice startled me as i stood in the shower this morning enjoying the warm and soothing water all over my body.  The question sounded more teasing than any type of admonishment.  Shower time is when i'm allowed out of my CB-3000;  hot soapy water can be very soothing after you've been locked for many hours.

"Of course not" i answered Her.  i was close though.  The release from the CB, the warm water and most of all my thoughts about the meeting with Paul last night and what might happen in the near future had me in a semi-aroused state.  It was a little difficult "getting back in." 

"Better not be.  you've been in there quite a while.  Hurry or we'll be late" She said before leaving the bathroom.  The two of us had a volunteer commitment this morning.  The time constraint i faced brought me back to reality and i was finally able to put the CB in place and was safely locked once again.

Our meeting with Paul last night took place in the lobby bar of one of the more upscale hotels in town.  The setting gave us plenty of privacy and comfort.  Nice leather chairs and sofas, space enough between us and other patrons and waiters who knew when to leave us alone.  Coupled with my more relaxed frame of mind it was a better way to begin our meeting.

i use the term "our" meeting because it was important to all of us.  It wasn't just about my own concerns.  Paul had a vested interest in hearing what i had to say and to understand how i had reacted to the first meeting and the rules he had set out. 

Honestly, i had little concern about the rules he'd set out.  i asked him why he felt i would need a "safe word", was there something that he intended to do to me that would require something like that.  His explanation was a good one and revealing.  He said that it really wasn't in his plan to get into a situation where it would be needed, but never having been in this type of relationship before, if things were to move in that direction, it would be nice to know that he'd "crossed a line" with me and did something i wasn't comfortable with.  Fair enough i thought.  In a way, each of us had admitted some level of insecurity and angst about what we were possibly getting into.

The "no sex with others" (in my case that meant Jake) was discussed.  As Jake becomes more involved with another woman (or perhaps women) i understand this demand and quite frankly, happy to comply.  i also trust Paul will be honest about this too.  My trust is based upon Diane's trust of him also.  One follows the other.

What was left for us to discuss was the revelation that he'd become aware of the blog.  i was honest and told him about the sense of betrayal i initially felt along with the risks that might come from him knowing all the he knows, considering everything i'd written since the blog started.

He understood how i felt and was quite reassuring that the blog would be held in strict confidence.  "I'm mentioned in it too, so I'm assuming some risk as well" he said.  Then he told me something that was another.  "You know, if Diane hadn't told me about the blog I'm sure we wouldn't be at this stage today.  It's your blog that convinced me.  She told me to read it and it would help me understand what She was getting at.  It worked."

It made total sense.  It wasn't like i had cracked a code or solved a puzzle, but the pieces were coming together.  All these months where i would wonder if i'd ever experience cuckolding intimately with Diane where little progress was made caused me to more or less give up on the fantasy.  Finally, Diane felt that the blog might be the final piece of "evidence" needed to convince Paul that it could work.

i wasn't quite sure what to say.  "i'm surprised it didn't turn you off, or send you running away" i said trying to add a little humor.  Paul laughed.  "On the contrary.  The more I read, the more I became intrigued and even aroused.  Not just your blog either.  The links to others are like a labyrinth of sexy adventures" he said.  "It was amazing.  Enlightening really."

Paul had to get home so the meeting wasn't that long.  Each of us only had one glass of wine.  Paul wrapped it up by telling me to take my time in making a decision.   "If you take more than two weeks that's fine.  "Just don't take forever" he said, with an air of dominance i hadn't seen in the rest of the meeting.  That was fine with me.

i shook his hand and thanked him for taking the time to meet with us.  He did the same, saying he thought it was beneficial. 

Then, he reached for Diane with his arm out.  She moved to his open arms and there was a hug and a kiss on her lips.  It was more than a friendly kiss as i saw it.  The innocent bystander or even someone that knew us might think the same, or maybe not.  i also saw how he held Her.  His hands slid very subtly down Her back before resting briefly on Her sexy butt. 

The kiss and the placement of his hand on Diane's butt was just as much for my benefit as it was Paul's.  Having read my blog, he must have understood the effect it would have on me. 

i was humiliated in a way; an erotic way.  i was aroused.  

It's also what i was thinking about in the shower this morning.

love,

sissy terri

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Sissy Cuckold Dreams

The "gift" from Paul and Diane i received on Sunday came with Diane's revelation that over time, She'd shared with Paul most all of the sexual aspects of our relationship.  She didn't overwhelm him with it all at once or even with large chunks of information in one meeting.  Rather, She says it was "spoon fed" to him in doses he could understand, evaluate, consider and as She puts it "pique his interest so he would ask some questions."  The questions came, and more information follow.

That brings us to where we are right now; not quite to the point where i'm fully involved in their play together, but definitely closer and more involved than where i was just a short while ago.  There are many questions in my mind, in Diane's and i'm sure in Paul's that remain to be answered.  i'm also anxious about it for obvious reasons.  i want this to work.  i want Diane to be happy, but i'm a bit selfish about it and i want it to work for me.  i'm hoping i can come through without being a nervous wreck.

One thing i'm anxious about is that i've been through this before with Diane's previous lover Brian.  It looked like it was going to work with him, i played the sissy cuckold role (opening myself for the first time with extreme humiliation - at least for me), and yet it fizzled out after that.  Will this be another roller coaster ride?  Was i to blame for what happened?  Diane insists i wasn't and says Paul is totally different than Brian.

Then there's Jake.  His divorce this past year rekindled an interest in my "companionship", this time with a renewed dominance that he didn't exhibit before.  Yet in the back of my mind i knew that it was totally unrealistic for me to expect him to see only me.  i figured, and correctly so, that it wouldn't be long before he sought some real female friends.  i was correct.  He had a date on New Years Eve and though he's expressed a desire to see me again, it's obvious his primary interests are elsewhere.  He's a handsome man and all of this is no surprise.

And among so many other things on my mind i wonder what Paul's expectations will be?  How will they mesh with Diane's?  She definitely loves to play the sexually submissive role with him but considering where She's taken this relationship, it's obvious She's been able to "top from the bottom" in getting what She wants.  How much will Diane acquiesce to Paul's fantasies and desires when it comes to my involvement? 

Last night i had a dream that i was dressed in some sort of short dress with petticoats and in a large room with many many people at some kind of party.  i wasn't working as a maid or anything, but seemed to be serving just Paul and Diane who were seated cuddled up on a loveseat where there was only room for the two of them.  i was embarrassed to be dressed the way i was yet no one else in the entire room was paying attention to me except the two of them.  i looked all around the room and every single person had their back turned away from us!

The dream ended just after Diane told me that Paul wanted to see my petticoats because he thought they were cute.  i never hesitated and simply turned, bent forward at the waist and let the two of them see the petticoats i was wearing.  There was laughing from the two of them and some giggling from everyone else in the room, yet they all still had their backs to me. 

i'm not sure what, if anything the dream means.  i know that Sunday's gift took things to a different level.  Diane had shared some of our lifestyle with Paul before.  i was a bit uncomfortable with it but it seemed to be working well.  Now She's shared so much more.  i'm more uncomfortable and hope it works out just as well.

love,

sissy terri

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"Ubersissy" Outfits

uber-

ˈo͞obər/

combining form

prefix: uber-; prefix: über-

1. denoting an outstanding or supreme example of a particular kind of person or thing.

   "an uberbabe"

They're the outfits that are "over-the-top" sissy.  The one's that make up some of your most extreme feminization fantasies.  The outfits that, if you were seen wearing by certain people, you would absolutely die with embarrassment.

In my own fantasies, they're some of the outfits i'd be made to wear in front of Diane's lover,  put on full display as Her sissy cuckold.

i think you all know the type of outfits i mean.  Here are just a few that fit my own criteria as an extreme, or "ubersissy" outfit.

No sissy cuckolding would be complete without some maid service....maybe, the sissy maid might even be sent to clean the lover's bathroom???

The wearing of a corset is sissy enough...but adding a few other pretty things makes it even more deliciously humiliating.  Oh, and maybe Her lover may even help tighten the corset!

This cute little outfit can be used in many scenes; little girl, sissy maid, Little Miss Muffett, or anthing else they might desire.

"It's her new dance outfit" your Wife might say to Her friends or lover.  "Why don't you show us your sissy dance now?" She says. 

And tell me this one wouldn't find you blushing as you modeled it for them.

And finally, the black and white satin french maids uniform with full petticoats.  It might be humiliating to wear in front of your Wife's lover, but you love it so much it never fails to bring a smile to your face.

These are some of my favorites.  What are some of yours?  i'd love to hear about and see them!

love,

sissy terri

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A Sissy in Heels

So "the cat's out of the bag", or at least part of it is when it comes to knowing that Diane's affair with Paul is not quite of the plain old vanilla variety.  i've hinted at it before here but for rather strange and personal reasons never felt quite comfortable sharing such details with my readers.  Yes, it is embarrassing to me.

i guess most cuckolds suffer some form of humiliation ranging from the mild to the extreme.  Others are probably not humiliated at all by it and may not even be submissive in how they approach it.  The embarrassment and humiliation comes with being a submissive and no doubt, much of it is desired and fantasized about.  Strange, but even though we crave the humiliation when it does happen, it's hard to deal with and causes embarrassment.

Such was the case yesterday after Diane's surprise post.  When She got home it led to an interesting discussion  and culminated with some very intimate submission on my part where i spent a very long time pleasing Her orally in every conceivable way my lips, mouth and tongue could function.  Her teasing about how much i enjoy the embarrassment added to the "fun."

Being a feminized sissy cuckold can be embarrassing enough, but when your Wife and Domme willingly submits to another man, an "Alpha" male as Diane calls Paul, it adds to the humiliation. 

During last night's discussion i told Diane that i never realized that Her desire to be submissive to a man was so great.  Her response was quite enlightening.  She told me She never realized it was such a burning desire either until She met Paul and then added "as a submissive, how could you realize it?  you've always seen me or wanted to see me as your Domme, and there's no way you could even act the part."

i'm paraphrasing Her answer, but that was the gist of it.  She's correct.  i've never viewed Her as submissive, least of all being submissive to me.  And even if i could act the part of a Dominant, how could She even get into the role of being my submissive?  Even if it was just a game, i doubt very much after how much She's dominated me, it could even arouse Her.

Diane should be here with Paul in about an hour.  Their meeting is definitely on.  i'd be shocked if there was any type of cancellation or even a delay. 

i'm going to be taking out a black short nightie for Her to wear for Paul and laying it out on our bed.  It's what he wants Her to wear.  She's also chosen a dress for me to wear and wants me in high heels the whole time Paul is in the house.  She was quite detailed in how She wanted me to dress.

Her specificity had me quite concerned and i had to ask Her if She had anything planned.  i explained that i know She's trying to reveal our lifestyle to Paul at the right time, but i begged Her that when the time comes She lets me know what's going on and doesn't pull any surprises.

"Don't worry I wouldn't do that" She told me before giving me a kiss.  Then She joked that my "coming out" party wouldn't happen this afternoon.  "A special event like that would need plenty of planning anyway.  I want you in heels this afternoon because I'll probably be wearing some black heels too.  Paul loves me in heels."

i love Her sense of humor and i love Her deeply, but the thought of Diane in our bed wearing some beautiful heels while She's with Her lover Paul does cause me to turn red a bit :)

love,

sissy terri

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Sissy Cuckold Disappointments

My Wife Diane's planned meeting with Paul on Wednesday afternoon never took place.  The "non-event" made for an emotional day, for the both of us.

i had been out of town and hurried home to make sure i'd be there in plenty of time to get dressed and assume my position as the sissy cuckold in the guest bedroom at the far end of the house.  Like i've done before, i would wait there while Paul and Diane arrived for their afternoon of fun, make their way to our master bedroom and enjoy each other in a sexual way for a few hours.

i waited with the usual anxiety i have when it comes to things like this as the hours passed so slowly by.  i began to get a little concerned when, thirty minutes after they should have been there, they hadn't arrived.  Finally, after another hour i called Diane on her cell phone and immediately got a text message that said "Sorry I'm busy now.  I'll call you back."  It was one of those automated options that comes with smartphones these days.

Diane's call came back an hour later and She asked me what was up.  I asked Her if everything was alright and if She was still planning on coming over with Paul....

"He had an emergency this afternoon and couldn't make it"  She said rather curtly.

"Oh. Hope everything is okay.  I was worried about you" I told Her.

"Everything's fine.  It was a work emergency and I decided to get a few things done here.  I've got to run.   I'll call you on my way home"  She said before ending the call.

i looked at the clock on the nightstand and realized i'd been waiting there for more than three hours.  There was no apology from Diane for not having called me to let me know Her date with Paul was cancelled.  Not even a "Sorry, I forgot to call" or a "I should have called."  i was left to wait there and worry.  It was obvious that on this day, Diane's sissy wife was an afterthought.

The incident didn't put me in a very good mood, i felt both humiliated and angry.  i wanted to change out of my feminine clothes, put on male clothes and prepare myself for a discussion with Diane.  i opted not to, deciding it wouldn't be the right thing to do.

Paul's cancellation didn't put Diane in a very good mood either.  That was evident when She got home.  i finally decided to tell Her that "i wished You would have called me.  i was worried."   Her response reflected both Her foul mood and how She viewed Her responsibilities in such situations.

Phone Sex

"Well, I didn't call" She said and added sarcastically "And I didn't know I had to."

The rest of the evening had an air of tension.  Later, She got a phone call from Paul and within a minute or two made Her way to our bedroom and shut the door.  She returned nearly an hour later and seemed to be in a better mood, even though She didn't say anything.  Finally, i was the one who apologized for being upset about the whole situation.

"Don't worry"  She said with a grin, "I'll find a way for you to make it up to me."

"i'd like to make it up to You now" i said with a smile of my own.

"Oh really?" She smiled.  "Another orgasm for me?  Why not?  Let's go upstairs."

i followed Diane to the bedroom fully realizing that She had just enjoyed some steamy conversation with Her lover Paul which led to an orgasm.  While She was in the bedroom talking to Paul, i wondered if She was having phone sex with him but dismissed the idea because of Her lousy mood.  i thought instead they might be sorting some things out.  i was wrong.

Evidence of my miscalculation was Diane's wetness when i put my lips between Her thighs and began pleasing Her.  She was still very damp from Her chat with Paul.

It didn't take Diane long to have an orgasm.  As i kissed and licked, i wondered what they had talked about that changed Her mood.  When She came, i wondered what She was thinking about while i was licking between her legs.

These emotional roller coasters aren't very easy to deal with but, it comes with being a married sissy cuckold.

love,

sissy terri

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A Sissy Maid-in-Waiting

i wish (and maybe my readers do too) that i had some very sexy and salacious details to report to you about Diane's meeting with Her lover Paul yesterday afternoon.  Their meeting took place in our home and their sex in our bedroom, all while i stayed in a guest bedroom at the other end of the house while dressed in my maids uniform.

Other than hearing the two of them arrive, Paul express a bit of nervousness to Diane fearing that "someone" would pop by and, his nervousness and anxiety obviously gone after their sex, their amorous embrace as they said their goodbyes, i have very little to report.

i too was a bit nervous at the outset.  i stood by the window waiting for them to arrive and when i saw the two cars make their way up our steep driveway i felt my heart beat a bit faster.  i waited and listened for the door to our garage to open and i could hear Diane's laughter in what i assume was Her attempt to put Paul at ease.  Had they stayed in the great room i would have been able to hear them, but Diane was quick to whisk Paul away into our bedroom. 

Almost ninety minutes later after their final embrace Diane came to the door of our bedroom and greeted me with a big hug and thanked me for being so understanding.  In the same bed that Paul made love to Her, i made love to Her also but in a submissive sort of way.  my mouth and lips were in and on the same places his hands and cock were.  She got pleasure from the two of us but in oh so different ways.  The time i spent pleasing Her while thinking about what had happened put me into a very deep subspace.  We capped off the evening by going out to dinner at one of our favorite places.

my initial reflections were that the whole afternoon was a little anticlimactic.  Both i and Paul were nervous for nothing.  There was no risk of my "discovering" him with my wife, nor was there a risk that Diane would expose me as Her cuckolded sissy husband in front of him.  Other than the time i spent in our bedroom after Paul had been there, i didn't feel much different than i normally do and that surprised me.

The Sissy Maids

However my feelings today have been different and a bit mixed.  Even though i didn't at the time, this morning i felt real silly about being made to sit in a room by myself dressed in a maids uniform.  Diane was the only one that saw me in it and only for a brief period.  i feel silly because i understand that there was no point in my being dressed that way.  No point whatsoever.  Diane made me do it because She could. 

My feelings were mixed because as embarrassed and silly as i feel about it, knowing that She could exercise Her control and power over me in that way makes me love Her even more and want to be even more submissive if that's even possible. 

It's also made me wonder how it's even possible for a "normal" heterosexual male like Paul to understand a cuckold like me.  If Diane's affair with Paul were ever to include me as the submissive cuckold it seems to me that he would somehow have to understand my submissiveness.  As submissive as i've become, i don't think that's likely to happen.

Love,

sissy terri

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Sissy Humiliation vs. Cuckold Humiliation

i want to apologize for not posting last week like i was supposed to.  i had to leave town for a brief consulting assignment and when i returned, the week went south very quickly after Diane and i had a very intense argument, the kind that regular couples sometimes have.  However, we're not just any regular couple.  Things were said that i now regret and have since apologized for over and over, but in Diane's view, it brought to the surface my level of commitment to this lifestyle, or lack of the same.  She's correct, and it gave me pause and forced me to reassess things.  Hence, the delay in my post.

i intend to delve into the argument we had and the eventual outcome, but first i want to write about something that i mentioned in a previous post, and was prompted to expound upon by Ms. Vanessa Chaland.  i'm sorry i disappointed Ms. Chaland and any other readers with my delay; it was never my intention to do so. 

Nearly two weeks ago, in a post titled Caving In To my sissy Urges, i wrote about my being proactive and contacting Jake to see if he wanted to get together.  This was after i had sort of played "hard to get" and rebuffed his own request to do the same.  In the post i wrote the following:

"The humiliation that would exist if i were to service Brian in front of Diane isn't present when i'm with Jake.  Instead, it's replaced by a feminine submissive feeling that's hard to describe.  It's that urge that made me cave in and change my mind about the feelings i wrote about in my earlier post."

Ms. Vanessa left a comment saying She would love for me to expound on the 'how and why' of my statement.  Let me try to explain my feelings and thoughts on this.

Let me start by identifying the two situations i describe as Sissy Humiliation and Cuckold Humiliation.  The former would be when i was with Jake, serving him as his sissy, while the latter would be when i was the cuckold with Brian and Diane.

Also, i want to use the following picture to give context and perhaps help with my explanation.  It's a photo i reblogged on my tumblr blog yesterday and i thought it might fit well into this discussion.

The photo jumped out at me because it reminded so much of my last time with Jake.  He had come from work and was dressed in business casual attire.  i was dressed in slacks, a white blouse and heels.  i had a wig on and a little bit of makeup.  Underneath, i had a bra, white camisole, ruffled panties and knee socks.  He liked what he saw and soon told me to strip down to my undies.

The order to strip immediately brought out the humiliating feeling i was referring to.  Here we were, two males who otherwise would be viewed as equals, but his command to me quickly changed that dynamic.  i was not his equal.  He made that clear.  Soon, he was seated in a chair and had me kneeling in front of him.  He caressed my face and held it similar to what the man in the photo is doing to the girl, and asked if i was ready to pleasure him.  i looked into his eyes, smiled and nodded in the affirmative.

The "sissy humiliation" i experienced, that of being used by another man while i sink into that submissive and feminine mood, is one that even though i might appear to be the ultimate submissive, reality is that i am very much in control of the scene and the situation.  i enjoy every minute of it and fulfill my innermost desires.  In many ways, the humiliation i experience is "self-inflicted", i'm getting what i want and crave. 

Cuckold humiliation on the other hand is far different.  There, i am no longer in control.  So far, Diane has controlled everything when it comes to cuckolding and that isn't about to change. 

The humiliation i experience as a cuckold stems from several factors and realities. i can't help but be viewed as an inferior male, one who cannot or does not pleasure his wife as well as her lover.  Further, my submission and feminization is on full display for him to see.  i feel as if this only topples the entire power dynamic in his favor.  The more comfortable he becomes with it and enjoys it, the greater the disparity in power and control. 

Going back to the picture for a moment.  i haven't been made to kneel like that in front of Brian and service him or prepare him while Diane watches on the sidelines.  But if it does happen, it would be so different than doing the exact same thing with Jake.  Probably the most humiliating thing i've ever experienced.

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