That brings us to where we are right now; not quite to the point where i'm fully involved in their play together, but definitely closer and more involved than where i was just a short while ago. There are many questions in my mind, in Diane's and i'm sure in Paul's that remain to be answered. i'm also anxious about it for obvious reasons. i want this to work. i want Diane to be happy, but i'm a bit selfish about it and i want it to work for me. i'm hoping i can come through without being a nervous wreck.
One thing i'm anxious about is that i've been through this before with Diane's previous lover Brian. It looked like it was going to work with him, i played the sissy cuckold role (opening myself for the first time with extreme humiliation - at least for me), and yet it fizzled out after that. Will this be another roller coaster ride? Was i to blame for what happened? Diane insists i wasn't and says Paul is totally different than Brian.
Then there's Jake. His divorce this past year rekindled an interest in my "companionship", this time with a renewed dominance that he didn't exhibit before. Yet in the back of my mind i knew that it was totally unrealistic for me to expect him to see only me. i figured, and correctly so, that it wouldn't be long before he sought some real female friends. i was correct. He had a date on New Years Eve and though he's expressed a desire to see me again, it's obvious his primary interests are elsewhere. He's a handsome man and all of this is no surprise.
And among so many other things on my mind i wonder what Paul's expectations will be? How will they mesh with Diane's? She definitely loves to play the sexually submissive role with him but considering where She's taken this relationship, it's obvious She's been able to "top from the bottom" in getting what She wants. How much will Diane acquiesce to Paul's fantasies and desires when it comes to my involvement?
Last night i had a dream that i was dressed in some sort of short dress with petticoats and in a large room with many many people at some kind of party. i wasn't working as a maid or anything, but seemed to be serving just Paul and Diane who were seated cuddled up on a loveseat where there was only room for the two of them. i was embarrassed to be dressed the way i was yet no one else in the entire room was paying attention to me except the two of them. i looked all around the room and every single person had their back turned away from us!The dream ended just after Diane told me that Paul wanted to see my petticoats because he thought they were cute. i never hesitated and simply turned, bent forward at the waist and let the two of them see the petticoats i was wearing. There was laughing from the two of them and some giggling from everyone else in the room, yet they all still had their backs to me.
i'm not sure what, if anything the dream means. i know that Sunday's gift took things to a different level. Diane had shared some of our lifestyle with Paul before. i was a bit uncomfortable with it but it seemed to be working well. Now She's shared so much more. i'm more uncomfortable and hope it works out just as well.
love,
sissy terri
