Sissy Humiliation vs. Cuckold Humiliation

i want to apologize for not posting last week like i was supposed to.  i had to leave town for a brief consulting assignment and when i returned, the week went south very quickly after Diane and i had a very intense argument, the kind that regular couples sometimes have.  However, we're not just any regular couple.  Things were said that i now regret and have since apologized for over and over, but in Diane's view, it brought to the surface my level of commitment to this lifestyle, or lack of the same.  She's correct, and it gave me pause and forced me to reassess things.  Hence, the delay in my post.

i intend to delve into the argument we had and the eventual outcome, but first i want to write about something that i mentioned in a previous post, and was prompted to expound upon by Ms. Vanessa Chaland.  i'm sorry i disappointed Ms. Chaland and any other readers with my delay; it was never my intention to do so. 

Nearly two weeks ago, in a post titled Caving In To my sissy Urges, i wrote about my being proactive and contacting Jake to see if he wanted to get together.  This was after i had sort of played "hard to get" and rebuffed his own request to do the same.  In the post i wrote the following:

"The humiliation that would exist if i were to service Brian in front of Diane isn't present when i'm with Jake.  Instead, it's replaced by a feminine submissive feeling that's hard to describe.  It's that urge that made me cave in and change my mind about the feelings i wrote about in my earlier post."

Ms. Vanessa left a comment saying She would love for me to expound on the 'how and why' of my statement.  Let me try to explain my feelings and thoughts on this.

Let me start by identifying the two situations i describe as Sissy Humiliation and Cuckold Humiliation.  The former would be when i was with Jake, serving him as his sissy, while the latter would be when i was the cuckold with Brian and Diane.

Also, i want to use the following picture to give context and perhaps help with my explanation.  It's a photo i reblogged on my tumblr blog yesterday and i thought it might fit well into this discussion.

The photo jumped out at me because it reminded so much of my last time with Jake.  He had come from work and was dressed in business casual attire.  i was dressed in slacks, a white blouse and heels.  i had a wig on and a little bit of makeup.  Underneath, i had a bra, white camisole, ruffled panties and knee socks.  He liked what he saw and soon told me to strip down to my undies.

The order to strip immediately brought out the humiliating feeling i was referring to.  Here we were, two males who otherwise would be viewed as equals, but his command to me quickly changed that dynamic.  i was not his equal.  He made that clear.  Soon, he was seated in a chair and had me kneeling in front of him.  He caressed my face and held it similar to what the man in the photo is doing to the girl, and asked if i was ready to pleasure him.  i looked into his eyes, smiled and nodded in the affirmative.

The "sissy humiliation" i experienced, that of being used by another man while i sink into that submissive and feminine mood, is one that even though i might appear to be the ultimate submissive, reality is that i am very much in control of the scene and the situation.  i enjoy every minute of it and fulfill my innermost desires.  In many ways, the humiliation i experience is "self-inflicted", i'm getting what i want and crave. 

Cuckold humiliation on the other hand is far different.  There, i am no longer in control.  So far, Diane has controlled everything when it comes to cuckolding and that isn't about to change. 

The humiliation i experience as a cuckold stems from several factors and realities. i can't help but be viewed as an inferior male, one who cannot or does not pleasure his wife as well as her lover.  Further, my submission and feminization is on full display for him to see.  i feel as if this only topples the entire power dynamic in his favor.  The more comfortable he becomes with it and enjoys it, the greater the disparity in power and control. 

Going back to the picture for a moment.  i haven't been made to kneel like that in front of Brian and service him or prepare him while Diane watches on the sidelines.  But if it does happen, it would be so different than doing the exact same thing with Jake.  Probably the most humiliating thing i've ever experienced.

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Reflections on Cuckolding

My absence from blogging over the weekend wasn't just the result of being a little busy.  There was time to blog and i had even planned on doing it later on Friday afternoon.  The lack of a post until this afternoon was on Diane's insistence that i take appropriate time to reflect on the experience and gather my thoughts.  She also wanted me to step away from the blog this weekend and spend more time this weekend doing more feminine things with Her.

i was allowed to spend a little time posting images on my tumblr site, something that i find relaxing, enjoyable and an exercise that helps me reflect the way She wants me to.  But my weekend of "more feminine" things also included a ban on TV sports.  How things have changed.  It wasn't long ago that this particular weekend, when the final eight NFL teams were facing off, was one that i would look forward to with great anticipation.  Hardly ever did anything get in the way of my seeing those games in their entirety.  This weekend i didn't see any of them.  And Diane made sure to let me know that Brian watched them all.

However, i'm very happy with how the weekend went.  i had time to think about what happened last Wednesday and Thursday nights and spent a considerable amount of time discussing it with Diane.  There were several very intimate and personal conversations and admissions.  Diane shared that Brian was indeed nervous about how things would go but when it was all over, he admitted that he really had a good time.  "He feels very comfortable doing it again" She said, and told me he was afraid I might be scared off or unwilling to continue.  "Are you?" She asked me.

That was a difficult question to answer.  A very difficult one.  It involves so many things, so many feelings, emotions, hangups, etc.  Until Wednesday night, no one had really seen me dressed en femme except for Diane and Jake.  My relationship with Diane makes being dressed in Her presence feel natural.  It just feels right.  And with Jake, it was much the same way.  My dressing and being femme was a very big part of our relationship.

Doing so in front of Brian was intimidating and i felt uneasy.  The reason is that i sometimes think i look ridiculous dressed as a woman.  Diane simply says "that's a ridiculous notion.  You look lovely."  i'm in good shape, slim and smooth with no facial hair.  i trim my eyebrows and keep myself meticulously groomed.  Yet i still feel awkward.  And dressing in front of my wife's lover makes me feel so self-conscious.

We spent much of the time i tried answering Diane's question discussing this very topic.  Eventually, Diane wants me in full feminine attire when Brian is here, much like i would be if it were just the two of us.  She wants me to get over this hangup and move forward.  i promised Her i would do my best.

The most difficult moment on Thursday night took place when i was called into the bedroom after their first lovemaking session.  In many ways it was my "big test."  When i got there, Brian was in the bathroom and Diane told me to strip down to my bra and panties.  She lay on the bed, naked, on her side looking at me but facing the side of the bed where Brian had obviously just left.  My heart was beating and Diane simply told me to relax but not to waste any time.  i fumbled with the blouse but got it off and slid off my slacks and the pantyhose.

"Come here" She said.  As i approached, Diane laid back and spread her legs.  She took me by the hand and pulled me towards Her.  "Clean me" was all She said.  Almost fearful that Brian would come into the bedroom and we would make eye contact, i buried myself between Her legs.  It seemed like all i could taste was Brian.  Then i heard him come in the room.

Diane asked him to lay beside Her as i licked.  She told him to relax and i felt him lay beside Her.  All the time She was holding my head in place.  The fact that i was there in my bra and panties in front of Brian was the most embarrassing moment of my lifetime.  Diane and Brian were kissing while i licked Her.  i wondered if She even enjoyed what i was doing.  They talked as if i wasn't even there i thought.  Eventually though, her arousal was evident and even though it took longer than it usually does, Diane had a wonderful orgasm.

The time after the orgasm was even more difficult and uncomfortable.  i eventually had to get up and face Brian in some way.  "That was absolutely wonderful" Diane said, breaking the ice.  "Did you enjoy it?" She asked me.  "Yes, i did" i told Her, not even hesitating.  It wasn't a lie.  "I can tell" She teased.  Even as i got up and walked away, my erection was noticeable.

Sensing my discomfort, Diane dismissed me, once again saying thank you and telling me I could go back downstairs.  They made love love late into the evening.

i passed the first big test i suppose, but i wonder how difficult the future visits from Brian will be.  i hope they get easier.  i'm still very anxious.  

Yesterday, we also did some shopping for lingerie on line.  We had gone shopping in the afternoon but Diane didn't see anything she liked.  We each bought an identical bra and panty set.  "I want to surprise Brian next time he's here.  I think it will be cute when he sees us in matching bras and panties" She told me. 

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My Cuckold Night

Up until last night, Diane's "affair" with Brian as real as it was, always felt like it was taking place in some type of make believe place.  i knew it was happening and in the most intimate of ways, experienced the unique taste, feel and smell of a woman who has been made love to by another man.  As real as my cuckolding was, the actual act of my wife having sex with another man wasn't taking place when i was under the same roof, or within earshot of the distinct sounds of very passionate lovemaking.

All of that changed last night, and everything happened so much faster than i ever thought it would.  The "ice breaking" time where we would sit and socialize for a little while to relax just whizzed by.  i no sooner had sat down after serving Diane and Brian drinks and appetizers that i was sent upstairs to "take down the bed and put some towels out" by my Wife.   "We may decide to take a shower first, or later" She giggled.  But, i'm getting a little bit ahead of myself here.

Yesterday afternoon, Diane called and told me She enjoyed my blog post.  i know She reads the blog but doesn't always discuss it with me (i am still waiting for Her to post, something She continuously promises She will do), in fact She rarely does.  But yesterday, She thought i should follow the suggestion of one of my readers, Serendipity, who gave her the idea that maybe i should dress in a more subdued feminine manner.  "I like the idea of you in some chic slacks, a blouse and some flats.  Maybe just a hint of makeup and nothing else" She said.  It was more than a suggestion and i didn't have a choice.  "And the undergarments go without saying" She added.

We also discussed dinner and a few other minor details.  i would prepare dinner when they were ready for it.  It could be either before or after they spent some time together.  i had some fish for grilling and a salad would be made.  i also had some stuffed mushrooms as appetizers ready to serve with their drinks when they first arrived.

i wore black ladies slacks that had a zipper up the back.  i have two very similar pairs, one is a size 10 and the other a 12.  i went back and forth on which pair i was going to wear.  i look better in the size 10 but i thought they were a little too tight and made me look more femme.  i originally chose the 12's, but changed at the last minute.  i knew Diane would notice and probably ask me later why i chose my "baggy" slacks.  i wore a white bra, white panties with a touch of lace on the front panel and a pair of taupe colored pantyhose.  A pair of black flats with a silver bow shaped buckle on them finished it off.  Honestly, i initially thought it was a great idea for a more subtle femme appearance and it probably was when you consider this being mine and Brian's first time to meet under these circumstances but as far as i was concerned, i might just as well have been wearing a bouffant gown with layers and layers of petticoats.  That's how femme and sissylike i felt.

Brian arrived with Diane at 5:45 exactly.  i saw the clock when i heard their cars pull into our driveway.  They entered together through the entryway from the garage where Diane parked Her SUV.  The initial greeting wasn't as awkward as i thought but still a little humiliating.  First, Diane said hello and gave me a peck on the cheek and told me i looked very nice.  "You remember Brian" She said as he extended his hand for me to shake.  i said hello and asked how he was doing.  What a stupid question!

Then, Diane shocked me She said "Princess, why don't you get me a glass of wine and ask Brian what he'd like to drink then join us in the living room for cocktails."  She'd sometimes referred to me as "Princess", but only in very intimate moments or when She wanted to tease and embarrass me.  This time, i blushed with embarrassment and Brian seemed to smile a little.  i tried to sort of brush aside the comment and quickly asked him what he would like.  After he said he'd just have a beer if i had one, Diane interjected and said "Go ahead, have a Manhattan and relax."  i don't think he really wanted one, but agreed with Diane's suggestion and off i went to prepare the drinks.

A few minutes later i entered the living room with their drinks, a glass of Chianti for Diane and Brian's Manhattan.  As i served the drinks, Diane looked at me puzzled and said "Uh....did we forget something?"  i thought everything was fine, other than maybe the appetizers which i was planning to bring out next.  i told Diane that i'd get the stuffed mushrooms.  "No.....it's not the mushrooms.  What are we missing?  What do we always wear when serving?" She asked.  i knew the answer and said "You're right.  I'm sorry" i answered and returned to the kitchen.  When i returned with the mushrooms, i was wearing a white bib apron with ruffled trim.  "Much better" Diane smiled.  This time, in addition to his smile, there was a little chuckle from Brian.

To me, the moment when i returned with the apron was the most telling moment of the evening.  My submission to Diane was on full display in front of Brian. She's expressed Her dominance over me on many, many times but none more powerful than this one.  There i stood in stark contrast with the man sitting so close to Her, the man who would make love to Her shortly, and the man who's hand She was holding.  It was like what happened made everything irreversible, exposing me as the submissive cuckold.  Even the lovemaking that took place later didn't have as powerful a message.

i joined them briefly with a glass of wine.  Brian had a few mushrooms and told me they were excellent.  Diane commented on how good a cook i was but didn't have any.  i felt awkward sitting there, still in my apron and almost afraid to take it off.  It wasn't long before Diane said it was probably time for "us to go upstairs" and then saying that She'd let me know if and when they would want dinner.

Soon after i heard the door close upstairs i heard Diane laugh a bit and a few moments later the shower was running.  i envisioned them embracing in the shower and doing what two people who haven't seen each other in awhile would be doing.  i felt like a failure as a man and i know i am.  i'm also embarrassed to say that the thoughts going through my mind turned me on.  Later, i became uncomfortable when i could hear the lovemaking from where i was sitting in the living room.  i turned the television on to watch a basketball game and drown out the sounds from upstairs.

A few hours later, Diane came out of the room and called down to me, saying that She and Brian would probably be coming down to fix some sandwiches in a little while and that i could go to bed if i wanted to.  She did have one request - that i go get Brian's overnight bag in the car, since he had decided to spend the night.  i went outside to get the bag from his car after removing my apron and brought it to her upstairs.  She kissed me good night and said "Thank you, you were fantastic tonight" and went back into our bedroom. 

i went to bed shortly thereafter and heard them go downstairs.  i heard their lovemaking before they fell asleep and again this morning when i was up early. i made coffee and Brian came down first, telling me that Diane wanted him to tell me She'd be going into the office later this morning.  i offered him coffee which he took but didn't want anything for breakfast.  He thanked me for the coffee and after a few awkward moments said "Look i know last night had to be difficult but i just wanted to say thanks."    Was i supposed to say "you're welcome"???  All i could think of was to say "No problem."  With that, he said "Thanks" and a "see you later."

Diane didn't wait long to call me upstairs.  She had me sit on the bed next to Her and thanked me for what i'd done, again telling me how "great" or "fantastic" i was.  We talked and i told Her how Brian didn't seem very anxious or nervous at all in my opinion.  i asked Her if She had just been telling me that to lessen my own anxieties.  She smiled and denied it, saying that he was indeed a little nervous and surprised Her at how well he handled things.

Eventually, i found myself between her legs, where Brian had been probably a half hour ago.  The taste and smell i experienced as i licked Her was as fresh as i've ever experienced.

When i was done, i happened to notice Brian's overnight bag in the corner of the room.  Diane saw me looking at it and said "Oh, I asked him to stay over tonight also.  I think it will be a little less stressful."  As usual, She's probably right.  

i apologize for the long post and hope you didn't get bored.  A blogger who i admire once told me to write a blog for yourself and not for the people who read it.  It's good advice.

love,

terri

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"Marking" a Sissy

This is going to be a very unusual post for me.  With few exceptions, my posts typically avoid graphic sex scenes, explanations or accompanying pictures.  i've always tried to focus on my inner feelings, attempting to express what's going through my mind and how my relationship with Diane affects our lives.

This break from routine is a result of my meeting with Jake yesterday.  We hadn't seen each other in awhile and even thought there wasn't a tremendous amount of pre-meeting planning, it was clear from the time we saw each other that we were both very horny.  i was aching to suck his cock and he was looking to be pleased by me.

i dressed in a short red nightie and some black heels after his phone call that instructed me to wear something sexy.  i told hime that the front door would be unlocked and to come right in and lock it behind him and come upstairs to one of the guest bedrooms where i would be waiting for him.  When i heard the front door open, i decided to stand in what i thought was a seductive pose at the head of the stairs.  My sissy penis was already "tenting" the nightie with excitement.  i also had my dirty blonde wig on and a light touch of makeup.

When Jake got upstairs, he didn't even wait until we got to the bedroom.  Right there in the hallway, he forced me down to my knees and immediately took out his cock, rubbing it all over my face.  i was ordered to keep my mouth closed until he told me otherwise.  He continued to rub his cock all over me as it got bigger and bigger.

Then, he turned very, very dominant.  More dominant than he's ever been with me.

He slapped me with his hard cock.  Hard.  Real hard.  It hurt.

"You're going to suck me like a good girl" he said, "and when I'm ready I'm going to officially mark you as my sissy."

The words almost made me cum.  If i had been stroking myself, i'm sure i would have.  "....officially mark you as my sissy.."  i loved it.

"Now suck me" he ordered, and i obeyed.  i'd never felt more submissive, sexy or feminine.  All i wanted to do was please him.  i felt like his sissy, his slave, his bitch.  i couldn't wait for him to cum.  He talked dirty to me.  He held my head in place.  He pumped back and forth and there were several times that he made me gag.  i loved it all.  Then he slowed down and told me what a good girl i was.

i knew he was going to cum soon and couldn't wait to feel his cum all over my face and to taste it.  He took his cock out of my mouth and told me to close my mouth and eyes.  I looked up at him, closed my eyes and obeyed, waiting for his warm manjuice.  He unloaded on me....big time.

Jake's given me facials before, but this one was the best.  When it was over, he told me not to move and keep my eyes closed.  He wanted to admire his handiwork.  Again, the feeling of his cum on my face, his 'official mark', was a feeling i will never, ever forget.

When i was told to open my eyes, Jake used his fingers to scoop up his sperm and feed it to me.  i licked his fingers eagerly, making sure i got every drop.  He called me "a hungry little girl."  i was, but i was horny as well.  He knew that.  When i was done, he let me masturbate in front of him....like a sissy.

i guess it's official now.  i belong to Diane, but i'm also marked as Jake's sissy. 

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Assisting with Phone Sex

It's been nearly two weeks since i saw Jake and a little less since Diane's seen Brian.  An odd situation isn't it?  A Dominant Wife is missing Her lover while Her submissive cuckold loving is missing her boyfriend.  Too bizarre for most people i would think.

i'm planning to see Jake on Friday and Diane is probably not going to see Brian until at least next week.  Even though they haven't seen one another, She still talks to him nearly every day and during some of those conversations, i'm expected to play the dutiful quiet cuckold and listen to one side of what is sometimes a very steamy conversation. 

Such a conversation took place last night after dinner.  Brian found himself alone and called Diane, who promptly told him She happened to be alone also; a cue that She was ready for some erotic talk.  A few hand signals from Her and i was kneeling between Her legs while She sat on the leather sofa in our den.  Another hand signal and i was in the linen closet down the hall getting a towel for Her to sit on after She removed her slacks, panties and knee high hosiery. 

i wasn't allowed to touch or kiss Her at first.  Instead, she talked with Brian while She used Her own fingers on Herself, something that drove me absolutely nuts.  When She was ready, She simply lifted one leg and put Her foot behind my head and pulled me closer until She could reach my head with Her hand and hold it against her very wet vagina. 

Between Brian's lusty comments, including some mild bondage and spanking fantasies where Diane submitted to him, and my licking Her, it didn't take long for Her to orgasm.  But She wanted more and held me in place; definitely a non-verbal command that i wasn't done and neither was She.  There were two more orgasms in rather rapid succession before i was dismissed. 

When it was over i thought about the conversation i had just heard between the two of them, and how certain things they talked about, and specific things that Brian said turned Diane on more than others.  Even though i could only hear portions of what Brian said, i did hear most of it and was easy to make out the conversation between that and Diane's own responses.

When you're close up like i was, it's easy to gauge the effect of certain things that were said on Diane.  Her moans, verbal responses, twitches and yes, most of all, how much wetter she got at times.  They were specific responses to the verbal stimuli Brian was providing.  Knowing that another man is physically pleasing your Wife like a real man should, and hearing how he can also verbally please Her is quite an experience.  i'd seen it before, but not as intense as last night. 

After Diane hung up, She asked "You like that didn't you?" 

i was hard, and the little bump in my panties was clear.  How could i deny it.  She knew i wanted to play with myself and let me masturbate like a sissy.  She let me cum on her pretty feet and made me clean it up telling me what a good sissy i was.  The submission was deep but as soon as i came, i felt like i did when i masturbated as a teenager with a pair of my sisters panties.  i felt like a freak of some sorts and so inferior.

Eventually i got over it.  i know i'm not a freak, but just a very submissive cuckold. 

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Wifey Stuff

My part-time consulting commitment has been rather slow lately.  It should have given me more time to blog but it hasn't worked out that way.  A couple of other things came up this past week which kept me away from the computer.  And, my consulting thing is going to heat up in a couple of weeks when the next phase of the project starts.

In the meantime, Diane's kept me focused on more "wifey things" as She likes to call them.  The list of to-do's seems to get longer every day.  Our house looks spotless, with not one thing out of place.  Washing floors, walls, windows, and anything else you can think of that can be washed keeps it looking that way.  There's also plenty of reorganizing, filing, cleaning out the garage, etc.  It never seems to end. 

Since i'm dressed all the time when at home, all of the housework is done en-femme, which definitely puts me in the housewife mood, but doesn't take away from much of the drudgery.  i change into more suitable attire when i go out to run errands, only to get back into my women's clothing when i return home.

i made a couple trips to the dry cleaners this week to bring some clothes Diane took out of our large cedar closet that She plans on wearing this fall.  She would take them out and lay them on the bed before She left for work, telling me they were to be taken to the dry cleaners.  Yesterday, amid the half dozen or so items She left, was one of my maids uniforms that i hadn't worn in a while. 

"It could use a cleaning" She said.

It's a satiny black uniform, with a flared skirt edged with lacy ruffles.  There are also ruffles at the arms and neckline and a sewn in white ruffly bib front.  It clearly has the look of a costume more than a working maids outfit.  Someone seeing it would definitely know it wasn't meant for everyday maids work.

It was embarrassing to bring it to the dry cleaners.  The young girl (probably a high school aged teen working a summer job) smiled and said "Oh this is so cute" when she took it.  i had a nervous giggle and couldn't help blushing a little.  i wondered what she thought.  If she only knew what i was  wearing underneath my shorts and shirt!

Yesterday was also the start of my "period", two days earlier than i had planned.  The tampon and pad i were also set out by Diane yesterday morning.  Those two items are far more telling of my lifestyle and status than the  maids uniform i brought to the dry cleaners. 

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The Cuckold Call

I just returned from my short business trip.  There were no issues at airport security which caused me great relief.  I just couldn't help from feeling nervous as I went through the scanner and waited while my luggage was scanned.  On my return home this afternoon, the woman operating the scanner seemed to take a very long time with my luggage, but finally let it through.  It wasn't until I had it in my hand and was walking towards my gate that I felt a sense of relief.

There was plenty of anxiety last night though.  Before I left, I had specific instructions to call Diane on Wednesday night at 6:25 PM.  She was very specific about the time.  My call was likely to come when she was in bed at home with her lover Brian.  I was to call her on her cell and talk to her like I normally would.

Diane's plan was to use the call as evidence to Brian that I was still "clueless" about their relationship and to help relieve any anxiety he might have about my finding out about their affair and time together.  She wants him to feel more comfortable and not have to worry about anything.  As part of the plan, Diane gave me a handful of questions I was to ask her when I called and of course, I was to tell her that I loved her before I hung up, and she would do the same.  She would call me later in the evening after Brian left to let me know how it went.

From my end,  thought I did pretty well given the circumstances.  I was anxious about it.  Here I was alone in my hotel room asking my wife how her day went, what time she got home, what she was doing for dinner, how I missed her and how much I loved her.  Diane said she had a great day at work, had actually gotten home early and wasn't sure what her plans for dinner were.  "I miss you too" she said and before we said our farewells, she told me she loved me.

I do love her.  Very, very, very much.  But carrying on  like that was difficult, wondering in what state of undress I had found her, what she and Brian were doing when the phone rang and whether or not he was so close to her so that he could hear both ends of our conversation.

Much later last night when Diane finally called me, she shared with me that when I called, the two of them were laying in bed and had just finished their first round of lovemaking.  She told me the call seemed to serve its intended purpose, proof to Brian that I suspected nothing and he indeed had nothing to worry about.  "He was even better the second time around, after your call" she told me.

Even though I was several hundred miles away, I never felt more like a cuckold as I did then.

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Sissies & Airport Security

I have an early morning flight tomorrow for a quick overnight business trip.  Just my laptop and a carry on piece of luggage.  Before I retired, such things were commonplace and I could pack in a matter of minutes and be done with it.  Now that my lifestyle as changed, things are going to take a little longer.

Diane wants to check what I have packed tonight when she gets home.  Normally, even though the flight is relatively early, I would still throw things together in the morning before leaving.  Now, Diane will review what I'm packing for lingerie, a nightie and other things and won't let me go unless everything meets her approval. 

Scanning machines in airports are very capable of making determining what's in a piece of luggage beyond those things which are prohibited.  If the agent doing the scanning sees something interesting in there, he or she may just flag the luggage so that it is open and the contents looked at.  Diane has already told me that at a minimum I'll need to have two pairs of panties, a bra, pantyhose and a nightie in my luggage for this trip; all things a woman would have for a one night stay. 

I know the likelihood of my luggage being searched is not that great, especially if I don't have anything illegal in it, but the thought of someone going through it and seeing a bra, panties, etc. has me very anxious.  I'm not very good at appearing nonchalant about such scenes and if it happens, the embarrassment and humiliation I feel is going to be very evident. 

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Sissy Punishment

I found myself in a position last night that I've only read about in erotic fiction or on other blogs:  standing in a corner dressed only in a pair of panties at the direction of my wife.  My corner time was a little delayed punishment for my behavior the other night. 

Diane referred to it as "sissy punishment" and said she would use it from now on whenever I misbehaved or acted selfishly.  When she got home, I was told to strip down to just my panties and stand in front of her as she sat on the sofa in the living room.  I wasn't totally en femme because we had plans on going out to dinner, so I only had a few articles of women's clothing to remove in addition to my slacks, shirt and shoes.  When I was down to just my panties, she explained to me why she was doing this and I was no sooner in the corner as she sat on the sofa and turned on the evening news.  "Be still and be quiet" were her simple instructions.

I wasn't there very long before her cell phone rang.  It was Brian.  It immediately occurred to me that Diane had set this all up so that I would be standing in the corner while she took Brian's previously arranged call.  After some small talk and Diane telling Brian that she was free for at least the next half hour, I had to listen to the planning of their next get-together (this Wednesday or Thursday) here at our house, and some rather intimate conversations. 

The conversation turned very sexual when Diane said "Wow....that's fucking hot" in response to something Brian had said.  I could hear Brian's voice and some of its inflections but couldn't make out the exact words.  But from Diane's side of the conversation, it was sometimes pretty easy to understand what he had said. 

For instance, shortly after her comment about something being "fucking hot", her response to one of his questions was "Yes I am....are  you hard?"  He had obviously asked her if she was aroused or wet.  It was obviously the latter when after he must have said he was very hard, she answered "very, very wet.  My panties are getting soaked."

On and on it went and I stood there with an erect penis doing all I could do to stop from playing with myself, yet totally humiliated.  I learned more about their lovemaking antics than I wanted to know.  How Brian enjoys playing with her breasts while she rides his cock when he's laying on his back.  How she enjoys it doggie style, with a hint from Diane that she would like it a little "rougher" at times. 

I am almost positive they discussed the possibility of anal sex, something I have never been allowed to do with Diane.   I can't be 100% positive, but from Diane's side of the conversation, things like "I don't know, maybe we could try it", "we'll see, maybe soon, if you promise to be careful", "no, I've never done it" or "but you're so big!"....what else could it be. 

Then, the conversation seemed to be wrapping up because Brian's wife would apparently be home soon.  They talked up this coming week where Wednesday night might be the best.  Brian must have said that he would have a surprise for Diane because she said "Oh really?  What is it?....Why can't you tell me what it is?"   She then went on to say, obviously for my benefit "Ok...I love surprises anyway.  Some people don't, but I do."

Before they said their goodbyes, Diane said to Brian "I'm still wet.  Just wanted you to know that."  There were no "I love you's", but there was some smooching over the phone before they hung up. 

"You can come out of the corner now" Diane said to me.  "Come stand in front of me."

I walked over to her and she just shook her head when she saw my stiff penis in my panties.  "Looks like my sissy wife enjoyed hearing me talk to my lover" she said as she rubbed me softly.  "Kneel down" she said as she spread her legs and revealed the black panties she was wearing.  "Kiss me between my legs.  I want you to feel the wetness.  I wasn't lying."

She wasn't.  The front panel of the panties were indeed very wet.  I kissed her through the fabric and stayed there until she pushed my head away.  "Lay on the floor and play with yourself for me" she said.  I obeyed and lay back with my knees bent and began to stroke myself with my fingers, sissy style. 

Diane stood directly over me and removed her black panties.  She dropped them right on my face. 

"Smell them" she said.  "It's the smell of a horny wife, aching for a real man."

I came in my own panties as hers lay on my face.  I could feel her wetness as my panties became soaked.

"I hope you're happy now" Diane said.  "At least you won't be surprised about my next meeting with Brian."

She truly is very diabolical. 

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Cuckold Thoughts

I feel kind of silly about the way I acted the other night.  I've promised Diane that I'd do my best not to act so childish about things in the future.  She has every right to be upset.  We knew up front that there would be some difficult emotions at times and that I would have to deal with them. 

Diane's not into physical punishments.  But last night she said I had come close to getting "slapped or spanked" because of the way I'd acted.  The talk we had last night was under much more reasonable and calmer circumstances.  I wasn't the "emotional sissy" she saw the night before.  She even teased me about spanking me in front of Brian, or even worse, having him do it for her. 

Right after she said that, she ran her hands across my smooth legs (I was wearing a pair of white ladies shorts and a flowered top) and up to my groin.  "You like that thought don't you?" she asked me.  I acknowledged that I did, but realized that the reality of it would be very, very difficult for me.  "Don't worry.  It would be hard for Brian too.  He's not yet ready for something like that" Diane said. 

I couldn't get the thought of such a scene out of my mind.  Spanked by my wife's lover, for some childish behavior.  The idea kept returning to me and each time it did, I would get aroused. 

I really wonder if faced with this in real life how I would react.  Would I run away from it?  Submit to the punishment at the hands of another man who is someone I know, although not that well? 

In many ways, my cuckolding the way it is is just fine.  But in some ways, I want to be a part of it.  Yet, I think that once you're a part of it, and you submit in the way I just described, or something similar, there really is no turning back. 

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Caught in Panties?

Most of the sissies I've chatted with either in real life or online, or those that I've exchanged emails with, began crossdressing, or at least had an urge to do something like that, at a relatively young age.  Many relate stories about their first experiences taking place some time while they were in grammar school. 

I remember my own early experiences, the very first taking place before I really even realized there was anything sexual to it.  Years later, while I also felt sexually attracted to girls, I continued to be sexually aroused by female clothing.  Talk about confused.  I did take solace in reading somewhere that most transvestites were totally heterosexual.  I felt relieved.  But to be honest, now that I've come to grips with my own bisexuality, I really doubt that's true.  Maybe it is.   However, in my opinion (and it's not a medically professional one by any means), I think that men who enjoy dressing in female clothing definitely have bisexual tendencies and feelings. 

"Oh oh?  What was that noise?"

But that's a topic for another time.  Yesterday, a sissy friend of mine asked me if I had ever been "caught in panties", or caught dressed in female clothing by a parent, relative, friend, or anyone in a position of authority while I was young.  I can honestly say that I was never caught red-handed, although I had many, many close calls.  There were even a few times where my mother found some of my sister's panties in my room or in my drawer.  I denied any knowledge of how they got there, even going so far as to accuse my sister of planting them there as a prank. 

Looking back, I'm sure my mom suspected but never really said anything.   My sisters would tease me about it but the teasing never really got out of hand. 

I do remember however rushing around to hide things when someone came home unexpectedly.  Those close calls had my heart racing many, many times.  A few times, I had to throw my jeans or other clothes on over a bra and panties and wait until the coast was clear to take them off and put them away unnoticed. 

I think I'm one of the lucky sissies out there.  Based upon my discussions with others, many of them have been caught in either their mother's, sister's, cousin's or even wife's lingerie and the ensuing hysterics weren't that pleasant.  Perhaps looking back though, they did enjoy the humiliation!

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The Verbal Aspect of Sex

Some of the most fulfilling sex I've ever enjoyed has been when my wife Diane has been very verbal.  A quiet sexual encounter can never be as exciting.  Her words, often teases and taunts, along with her moans arouse me to no end.  They are often the catalyst for what puts me over the top.  Combined with her touch, movements and other actions, it's always such a wonderful experience for me.

I've experienced much the same with the very few men I have been with.  In the role as their feminized submissive, the best are quick to verbalize their dominant fantasies, calling me names and bellowing orders with an aggressive and demanding tone.  As I suck, lick or do whatever else I am told, their commands are like music to my ears and always bring me to the brink of orgasm, often without any physical stimulation whatsoever.

I remember the last time I was with Ken before he moved away.  I was dressed in a little girls outfit complete with a petticoat, ruffled panties, lacy anklet socks and a pair of mary jane shoes.  He had me lower my panties before getting down on my knees so that he could fondle my "clit" as he called it.  He forbade me from touching myself while I sucked him, cuffing my hands together behind my back.

I obeyed every order he have me, kissing the tip of his cock, licking the shaft, lapping at his big balls and presenting my face so that he cold slap me with his cock whenever he felt like it.  The orders, humiliating questions he was asking me as I did what I was told and the name calling were bringing me to the brink of orgasm.  He knew it and teased me about it:

"You're such a sissy faggot" he said.  "I can make you cum anytime I want.  Cum for me right now."

The teasing is all it took.  His words made me start spewing my cum on the floor as I knelt in front of him.  The orgasm lasted longer than usual.  The lack of physical touching on my penis seemed to lengthen the experience.  It was indeed beautiful.

I continued to suck him and he finally exploded all over my face and in my mouth.  He fed the cum that was on my face with his fingers and made me lick my own juices that had spilled to the floor.  Now you can probably understand why I miss him so much.

These and other experiences make me wonder if Dominants and submissives enjoy the verbal aspects of sex more than people who might be more vanilla inclined.  Diane enjoys being dominant over me and is usually pretty verbal when we make love.  There was never a scene with Ken where he didn't seem to enjoy verbally humiliating me.  It Dominants get as much satisfaction out of the verbal part of sex as I do, then I know they're having a very, very satisfying time!

I also can't help but wonder how verbal my wife Diane is with Brian, as vanilla as that relationship might be.

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A Cuckold's Emotions

I couldn't wait for Diane to get home last night.  I could tell from her voice earlier that she was in a very playful and loving mood when she told me to look sexy for her when she got home.  As much as I went back and forth on what to wear for her, I realize that she would have loved anything I had chosen.

The short nightie I chose, sort of a babydoll style with matching panties was accompanied by some white thigh high stockings with bows on them.  The nightie was a pastel yellow and the thigh highs were white.  I put a white pearl necklace on as well and some white heels.

When Diane walked through the door, she raised her eyebrows, smiled and let out a sexy cat whistle!  "Don't we look pretty tonight" she said.  She put her things down and took me in her arms as we kissed softly.   The kiss was one that revealed her intentions:  she wanted to make love to me, and she wanted me to please her.

She chose to make love to me first, and it was as emotionally satisfying an experience as I've had in many months.  She knows what I enjoy, and I was soon on my back at the edge of the bed with my nighty pulled up to reveal my smooth chest, while Diane slid her strap-on into me like an expert.  She touched my cock softly as I got more excited and milked me to a beautiful orgasm.  I licked my juices from her fingers as she fed me. 

Diane allowed me to relax for a few minutes as she lay on top of me, her smooth breasts against my own.  We kissed passionately, and soon I was pleasing her like I always do.  Her orgasm was a powerful one.  She moaned more than usual and squeezed my head so hard I thought I might pass out.  Lovingly, she thanked me for being so attentive to her.  The evening seemed absolutely perfect.

After changing so that I could prepare some dinner for her, I poured her a glass of white wine and she relaxed in the den while I went about my chores.  I could hear her on the phone a couple of times on different calls.   Her phone rang once and I realized she was talking to Brian.  She talked with him for about 15 minutes and as she headed into the kitchen I heard her say it was time for dinner and she was looking forward to next week.

We made some small talk at dinner and she once again told me how pretty I looked when she got home and how enjoyable the evening was.  I asked her when she was seeing Brian again and she told me that plan was for them to get together next Wednesday, probably around mid afternoon.  What she said next wasn't necessarily a surprise, but just the same it set my emotions on a roller coaster ride once again.

"I'd like to meet him here.  The hotel thing is pretty risky for both of us.  Too many people around her know the both of us and we don't want to risk it."

I hesitated and said "Okay."

"You'd have to disappear for three or four hours that afternoon.  I told him Wednesday would work because you're usually out on Wednesdays playing golf and not back until dinner time.  I used that to convince him it was safe to be here.  It would be even better if I told him you were out of town."

So many thoughts plowed through my brain at one time.  Many of them questions to myself.  I wondered if Diane, when she had an affair many years ago, had brought a man home to sleep in our bed?  As an "open cuckold" now, does another man sleeping in the marital bed make it more official?  Why was I aroused yet feeling down at the same time?

"Just say I'm out of town.  I'll find something to do" I said. 

She came over, kissed me and gave me a loving hug.   "I still love you and always will you know."

"I know you do" I told her.

The humiliation that comes with letting another man make love to my wife in our bed is going to be with me before it even happens. 

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OMG!!! What a sissy!

I think most crossdressers pay more attention to the latest fashion news than most people.  I know I do.  A topic that's always at the forefront of fashion is what celebrities are wearing, especially gossip about those who commit fashion gaffe's.  One of today's items on omg! on Yahoo, shows "Sex in the City" star Sarah Jessica Parker in a sheer Louis Vuitton white outfit revealing her black bra under the outfit's top.  How outrageous!  Check it, and other celebs pictures here.

Submissive males often have fantasies of being forced to dress in outrageous outfits and being exposed publicly by their Dominants.  Other times, the humiliation is a bit more subtle.  It could include just being made to wear ladies shorts or other items of clothing.  Also, there's some erotic humiliation attached to having some dark lingerie seen through sheer white ladies slacks or a similar top like the outfit poor Sarah is sporting in this picture.

I would never want to be caught dead looking like she does in this photo.  Personally, my preference would be a pink or other pastel colored bra.  Black is just not my color. 

Would be interesting to hear the whispers...."OMG!  What a sissy!"

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So So Pretty!

Some things are just so pretty, I can't get them out of my mind.  I would think that other sissies are the same way, but I can't be sure.  I've been thinking about this picture since I saw it a few days ago.  The hairstyle does nothing for me, but everything else exudes femininity and more than anything, sissification.

It's also an outfit, similar to a sissy maid uniform, that wouldn't achieve the full effect unless you wore it in someone else's presence.  Sure, it would be lots of fun to slip into when you're alone and prance around posing in front of the mirror and doing other sissy things.  But, to be made to wear this in front of your Domme, your wife, her friends, etc (the list of potential viewers is endless is it not?) would put most of us in sumbissive sissy heaven.

Of course, if a sissy was made to wear it in front of his dominant wife's lover, then that would be utopia. 

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A Sissy's Feelings of Shame, Guilt & Humiliation

I was the youngest of three in my family, with my other two siblings being older sisters.  I don't attribute my fetish for crossdressing and other things feminine to the fact that I had two older sisters.  They, or my mother, never knowingly contributed to, or encouraged my fetish.  However, the fact that there were plenty of pretty panties, bra, slips and other feminine finery hanging around didn't hurt.

I remember the first time I had a full sexual reaction to a pair of my sister's panties.  It was wintertime and I was in the 4th grade.  There was something going on at school that my two sisters were involved in and my parents were there.  I was left behind because I had missed school that day with a cold but was feeling much better.  We lived in a very safe neighborhood and my parents let our next door neighbor, Mrs. B.,  know that I was alone.  She could check up on me if she wanted, but they told her I should be fine and asked if she could just call and see how I was doing.

After they left, I had the urge to go through both my sister's panty drawers.  They were in the 7th and 8th grade at the time and were just getting into girly things and developing an interest in boys.  I decided to try on one of my oldest sister's pink panties.  I remember how wonderful they felt and how hard my small penis got.

I remember taking out another pair of panties and a bra and laying on her bed, holding the bra and panties close to my lips and smelling them, fondling them and kissing them.  I suddenly felt a very different but warm feeling come over me and reached down between my legs and didn't realize what was happening.  I was in a strange state and for a brief moment had lost all control and oozed a milky fluid into her panties.  I was mortified and scared.

I hurriedly removed the panties and rushed to wash them as best I could.  I couldn't put them back into her drawer while wet so I wrapped them in a hand towel and hid them deep in my own closet.  I put the other two items away and made sure I tidied up her bed.  Just then, Mrs. B called to see how I was doing.  The phone scared the living hell out of me.  I told her I was fine and remember her saying "Are you sure, you sound like you just saw a ghost or something!"

To my knowledge, no one ever found out about that little incident.  I returned the panties a few days later and no one said a word.  What's most memorable about the incident was how shameful I felt after it happened.  I would do something similar many more times in my early years, teens, and even into adulthood.  Each time, there were feelings of shame, guilt and humiliation.

Today, thanks to coming to grips with who I am, along with the help of a loving, supportive and dominant wife, those feelings are a thing of the past.  I'm a very lucky sissy.

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