Reflections on Cuckolding

My absence from blogging over the weekend wasn't just the result of being a little busy.  There was time to blog and i had even planned on doing it later on Friday afternoon.  The lack of a post until this afternoon was on Diane's insistence that i take appropriate time to reflect on the experience and gather my thoughts.  She also wanted me to step away from the blog this weekend and spend more time this weekend doing more feminine things with Her.

i was allowed to spend a little time posting images on my tumblr site, something that i find relaxing, enjoyable and an exercise that helps me reflect the way She wants me to.  But my weekend of "more feminine" things also included a ban on TV sports.  How things have changed.  It wasn't long ago that this particular weekend, when the final eight NFL teams were facing off, was one that i would look forward to with great anticipation.  Hardly ever did anything get in the way of my seeing those games in their entirety.  This weekend i didn't see any of them.  And Diane made sure to let me know that Brian watched them all.

However, i'm very happy with how the weekend went.  i had time to think about what happened last Wednesday and Thursday nights and spent a considerable amount of time discussing it with Diane.  There were several very intimate and personal conversations and admissions.  Diane shared that Brian was indeed nervous about how things would go but when it was all over, he admitted that he really had a good time.  "He feels very comfortable doing it again" She said, and told me he was afraid I might be scared off or unwilling to continue.  "Are you?" She asked me.

That was a difficult question to answer.  A very difficult one.  It involves so many things, so many feelings, emotions, hangups, etc.  Until Wednesday night, no one had really seen me dressed en femme except for Diane and Jake.  My relationship with Diane makes being dressed in Her presence feel natural.  It just feels right.  And with Jake, it was much the same way.  My dressing and being femme was a very big part of our relationship.

Doing so in front of Brian was intimidating and i felt uneasy.  The reason is that i sometimes think i look ridiculous dressed as a woman.  Diane simply says "that's a ridiculous notion.  You look lovely."  i'm in good shape, slim and smooth with no facial hair.  i trim my eyebrows and keep myself meticulously groomed.  Yet i still feel awkward.  And dressing in front of my wife's lover makes me feel so self-conscious.

We spent much of the time i tried answering Diane's question discussing this very topic.  Eventually, Diane wants me in full feminine attire when Brian is here, much like i would be if it were just the two of us.  She wants me to get over this hangup and move forward.  i promised Her i would do my best.

The most difficult moment on Thursday night took place when i was called into the bedroom after their first lovemaking session.  In many ways it was my "big test."  When i got there, Brian was in the bathroom and Diane told me to strip down to my bra and panties.  She lay on the bed, naked, on her side looking at me but facing the side of the bed where Brian had obviously just left.  My heart was beating and Diane simply told me to relax but not to waste any time.  i fumbled with the blouse but got it off and slid off my slacks and the pantyhose.

"Come here" She said.  As i approached, Diane laid back and spread her legs.  She took me by the hand and pulled me towards Her.  "Clean me" was all She said.  Almost fearful that Brian would come into the bedroom and we would make eye contact, i buried myself between Her legs.  It seemed like all i could taste was Brian.  Then i heard him come in the room.

Diane asked him to lay beside Her as i licked.  She told him to relax and i felt him lay beside Her.  All the time She was holding my head in place.  The fact that i was there in my bra and panties in front of Brian was the most embarrassing moment of my lifetime.  Diane and Brian were kissing while i licked Her.  i wondered if She even enjoyed what i was doing.  They talked as if i wasn't even there i thought.  Eventually though, her arousal was evident and even though it took longer than it usually does, Diane had a wonderful orgasm.

The time after the orgasm was even more difficult and uncomfortable.  i eventually had to get up and face Brian in some way.  "That was absolutely wonderful" Diane said, breaking the ice.  "Did you enjoy it?" She asked me.  "Yes, i did" i told Her, not even hesitating.  It wasn't a lie.  "I can tell" She teased.  Even as i got up and walked away, my erection was noticeable.

Sensing my discomfort, Diane dismissed me, once again saying thank you and telling me I could go back downstairs.  They made love love late into the evening.

i passed the first big test i suppose, but i wonder how difficult the future visits from Brian will be.  i hope they get easier.  i'm still very anxious.  

Yesterday, we also did some shopping for lingerie on line.  We had gone shopping in the afternoon but Diane didn't see anything she liked.  We each bought an identical bra and panty set.  "I want to surprise Brian next time he's here.  I think it will be cute when he sees us in matching bras and panties" She told me.