Cuckold Frustrations

Today is Wednesday, better known as "Cuckold Day" here at our house.  It's the day that barring any scheduling conflicts, excessive workloads or any other of life's distractions, Diane gets to spend some late afternoon time with Her lover Paul here in our home. 

When it comes to their Wednesday afternoon "dates" there's not much that i'm told ahead of time.  Information is fed to me in pieces if at all and as Diane put it once before, it's "on a need to know basis."  Obviously, there's very little need for me to know. 

Now that my cuckolding is out in the open with Paul, the lack of certainty and all the ambiguity about what's going to take place on any given Wednesday can be very frustrating.  i'm beginning to think it's even more frustrating than it was before, when the full aspects of of my submission to Diane was revealed to Paul. 

It's just a little past noon here and i'm not even sure if Paul and Diane are coming over later this afternoon.  Diane wasn't sure this morning when She left, indicating that both She and Paul had very full schedules today but that i should go about my day as usual, planning for them to be here around 3:00 PM or shortly thereafter.

"My day" as Diane puts it is a rather full one.  The list of things to do is longer than usual, even though it doesn't include a trip to Victoria's Secret that Paul alluded to in an email to me a few days ago.  That's another frustration, since he hasn't corresponded since.  i've also got plenty of laundry to do, a pile that includes many of Diane's "summer clothes" that were taken out because of the warming weather.  Much of it has to be ironed as well.  There were errands to run which i completed this morning so that i could change into my maids uniform for the indoor domestic duties. 

And so i wait.  There's still plenty to do and it's unlikely i'll be done by the time they arrive if they come at all.  The workload makes me wonder if Diane planned it that way so that when they were here making love in our bed, Her sissy wife would be busy doing chores in Her maids uniform - a heavy dose of sissy cuckold humiliation.  Or maybe She wanted to keep me busy in case they didn't show up.

i always over-think these things.  It's my personality and it's who i am.  And part of it is my craving for attention.  All submissives need it i suppose.  Diane says it's my poorly-disguised attempts to "top from the bottom."

Whatever it is, She takes full advantage of it.

love,

sissy terri

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Back to my sissy life

i had to spend the better part of the last two weeks helping out a member of our extended family who took sick. i accompanied Diane to Her conference but had to leave early to deal with this emergency.  Fortunately, the family member is doing better and on their way to recovery.  A change in lifestyle is going to be necessary (diet, more exercise, etc....not the kinky lifestyle) which is a challenge for many people.

While i was gone, i realized how much i missed the lifestyle Diane and i have together.  i wasn't able to express my submission to Her and live as Her submissive wife all the time like i do at home.  i would tell Her that every day when we talked, texted, or emailed each other.  It was so heartwarming to hear Diane tell me that She missed it also.  "I love what we have, and having you as my wife" She told me.  i realized how lucky i am in many ways.

Diane on the other hand hasn't been as lucky when it comes to Her relationship with Brian.  They got together last week while I was gone and Brian broke the news to Her that his company was sending him on an assignment back east for six months.  The news, combined with Diane's increasing frustration with Brian's inability to meet with her often enough, seems to spell the beginning of a demise in their relationship. 

Diane's also been a little frustrated with Brian's anxiety or reluctance to "get the whole cuckolding concept."  She feels that despite the progress She made with that, there was always a feeling that Brian wasn't totally comfortable with it.  They're likely still going to see each other when it's possible, but this most recent news is causing Diane to think about looking elsewhere.  She realizes that as much as She enjoyed the sex with Brian, it was probably never going to develop to the point She wanted it to.

i've reflected on all of this and realized that it leaves me as a passive and obedient observer as Diane contemplates what She's going to do.  She wants to have a lover, but it has to be the right one.  Where to find this Mr. Right is the million dollar question.

In the meantime, i am doing my best to be a good submissive wife for Her.  She loves me, and assures me that things will work out.  "I'm very patient" She told me last night, "and I still have you to satisfy me whenever i want, just not like a real man."

With that, i'm back to my sissy life and doing whatever i can to please my lovely Wife Diane. 

love,

sissy terri

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A New Blog & A Frustrated Wife

my Wife Diane and i have been into FemDom for awhile, but it's really only been recently that we've ratcheted up our lifestyle into a 24/7 relationship that even includes Her cuckolding me.  Before that, She was always the Dominant partner, but becasue of many real life situations like children, our careers and other things, it was more of a fantasy thing.  It was a life we could slide in and out of at our convenience.

Similar to that, it's easy for a submissive sissy male to fulfill many of his fantasies sexually by slipping on some lingerie, dressing en femme, or somehow getting his "fix."  There's not much permanency to such a solution and the needs always return.  Wearing feminine lingerie, especially at the direction of someone else can be powerfully symbolic of a power dynamic that exists, but even that can disappear just as fast as the panties come off.

i discovered a new blog the other day that has me quite interested.  The blog is called As She Pleases and is written by a young couple who are engaged to be married.  They both seem to be professionals and Nicole, the dominant partner seems quite confident in what she wants.  Her submissive, Gerald who goes by the feminine name of jennifer, seems like he will do anything for Nicole.

Recently, Nicole has insisted that Gerald/jennifer change his surname to hers when they are married.  Naturally he is struggling with it and why wouldn't he?  It's very unusual to see a man change his last name to his wife's.  Doesn't something like this have all the permanency that so many of the other D/s activities lack?

i'm sure there are things that are probably more extreme symbols of showing one's submission to another.  But in my opinion, this has to be one of the more powerful things that could happen in a FemDom marriage.  The fact that i view it that way, and i don't think i'm alone, only goes to show how our society still is very male-dominated.  Check out the blog.  It's new, and some blogs fade away pretty quickly.  i hope this one continues.

Here, Diane is frustrated by not hooking up with Brian before we leave tomorrow for several days.  She'll be attending a conference and i am going with Her.  Her friend Linda will also be there.  Brian couldn't free himself last night or tonight, so they won't see each other until next week at the earliest.  She's not happy.

"Make sure you pack your head harness and my favorite dildo" She told me before She left this morning.  Looks like i may be trying to fill in for Brian, in a sissy sort of way. 

love,

sissy terri

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A Happy Easter & Bunny Girls

i hope everyone had a great Easter weekend.  The visit from our two daughters turned out to be quite an exciting weekend for all of us.  There was one particular moment that i have to share with you that made both Diane and i feel so very proud.

Our oldest daughter has been going out with a very nice young man for nearly two years now.  Diane and i knew that it was pretty serious but didn't harass her about it and minded our own business (at least i know i did!).  On Easter morning the phone rang at our house and Diane answered it.  It was our oldest daughter's boyfriend and after Diane and he exchanged Easter greetings, He asked if i was around so that he could wish me a happy Easter as well.

He wished me a happy Easter but he also had a question for me.  You probably guess it by now, but he asked me for my oldest daughter's hand in marriage!  i was just floored and flabbergasted!  i didn't think kids did that type of thing anymore.  To say i was impressed would be an huge understatement.  Naturally, my daughters were in on this all along and once i had given him my "permission" i handed the phone to my daughter for her to formally accept the proposal.

The surprises weren't over.  After the phone call, my daughter went back to her room upstairs and came back with a small box that had her engagement ring!  She had brought it with her and waited until the boyfriend had called to tell us on Easter morning!  Both Diane and i were filled with tears of joy.   Naturally, the rest of their stay here was spent planning the wedding, deciding on a date (nothing confirmed yet but we are shooting for the fall depending on availability of certain venues) and just spending as much money as possible! 

One woman alone can spend plenty of money.  Three of them together?  It's frightening!

Things just got back to normal around here a few hours ago.  Both our daughters had departing flights today and i'm back into my usual housewife role.  Diane went into the office this afternoon while i brought our youngest to the airport.  When i returned home, i changed into my feminine attire and was soon staring at plenty of housework, laundry, ironing and errands that should keep me busy for the rest of the week.   I'm wearing one of my prettiest aprons and ready to get to work.

On Easter Sunday, i used my tumblr site A Married Sissy to post pictures of cute "Bunny Girls" throughout the day.  The website allows you to schedule posts ahead of time and that's what i did.  i didn't spend as much time on the project as i should have, but i was still able to find a nice assortment of girls dressed in bunny costumes, as playboy bunnies and others with an Easter bunny theme. 

i've always found such outfits exciting and overly feminine.  They seem to add an element of sexy submissiveness as well.  So my effort on tumblr was just a way to express one of my sissy fantasies.  i'll bet i'm not the only sissy who has such a fantasy!


Diane spoke with Brian a couple of times while our daughters were here but only briefly.  She seems a little disappointed that She won't be seeing him this week but understands.  We're still so happy about our daughter's engagement that little could dampen our spirits this week!

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Cuckold Disappointments

Diane's had a wonderful evening with Her lover Brian on Wednesday night.  She got home a little earlier than expected and had me run Her bath.  She shaved her legs, did some trimming of Her pubic hair and had me give Her a pedicure (something i'm getting better at.)

For me, the time i spent helping Her prepare for Brian was the highlight of the evening.  To most cuckolds who fantasize and enjoy the humiliation of seeing their wives up close with another man or forced to service the two of them in some sexual way, the evening would have been a major disappointment.  i was disappointed also, but i realize that this is about Diane's pleasure first and foremost, and not mine.

Even though i'm writing about this from a submissive cuckold's point of view, the reality of it is that what happens, or doesn't happen, is all likely to be driven by my Wife's desires and not mine.  Wednesday night proved just that.  And with Brian staying over for the evening and the both of them leaving early enough on Thursday morning, it wasn't until last night that Diane and i had a chance to talk about what transpired.

Basically, when Brian arrived i wasn't dressed in anything pretty or made to look like an effeminate sissy cuckold.  i looked like just any other man with my khaki's and golf shirt.  i offered him a drink which he declined and just had a bottle of water.  Diane had a glass of wine and they sat out on the back patio and talked for about a half hour alone.  Then they made their way upstairs for nearly three hours of lovemaking.  i prepared dinner for them which the three of us enjoyed together.

Most people would expect a tense and awkward dinner conversation after what had just taken place.  i know i did.  But not with Diane.  She drove the conversation and talked about everything from the nation's budget battles to the local weather.  i cleaned up after dinner while they sat in the living room watching a basketball game and just as i was about done, Diane announced that they were headed upstairs and kissed me goodnight.

There was no "surprise" that Diane had alluded to.  i was a little relieved about that but disappointed as well.  The biggest disappointment was that i was not involved at all, other than to help Her prep for Brian and serve dinner.  i felt lonely and left out.

Diane's explanation for what happened was pretty simple.  "Some things take time to develop" She said.  She has Her own fantasies and thoughts on cuckolding me and knows what mine are.  It's tough to accept, and even tougher to hear but my own thoughts and fantasies are secondary to Hers.  "I want to include you in this some, but Brian has to be ready for it also" She said almost clinically, as if She was overseeing a patient's rehabilitation or something similar.

It's at times like this that Diane can come across as being cold, calculating, devious, aloof and self-centered.  When it comes to Her personal sexual gratification, i suppose She's developed into just that type of woman.  i have to learn to live with that.

There's another Diane though.  The one who, after last night's conversation, told me to go upstairs, "pretty yourself up and wait for me."  We made our own special kind of love late into the evening and talked past midnight.

"You're going to be tired tomorrow.  You have to work" I told Her.

"So what" She said, "you're worth staying up late for."

No wonder i love Her so much.

love,

sissy terri

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The Absent Cuckold

Let me begin by apologizing for the lack of updates this past week.  i know it's just a blog and i don't need to provide it's readers with a daily accounting of my whereabouts and goings on (i do for Diane though) but i also don't like to go more than a few days without posting.

We had guests here last weekend and into Monday.  Diane's cousin and her husband stayed with us for a few days.  In every blog i've read that discusses D/s lifestyles, visitors usually put a serious damper on things when they're around.  This was no different when it comes to our own lifestyle.  Fortunately, they are wonderful people and it was nice to see them again.

i also had to leave Tuesday for a longer-than-anticipated business trip.  i didn't return until late yesterday afternoon so in essence, it's been more than a week where i haven't been able to get into my regular "submissive wife and cuckold" routine.  Although, Diane was able to proceed without me.  And from what i can gather, without much trouble.

After about a month without seeing Brian, they finally got together for not just one, but two nights here in our home.  Brian got into town on Wednesday and didn't leave until midday on Friday.  According to Diane, "he made himself right at home here."

They had spoken over the weekend and Diane knew that he was going to be staying two nights.  She was disappointed that i wouldn't be around.  It had been a month or maybe a little more since She'd seen Brian and had me present in our home when they made love and She was pleased with the progress i was making as a cuckold.  As time's gone by since their last time, She's been concerned that my anxiety about the whole thing would return.  So, She would have preferred me to be present.

Diane was also just as concerned about Brian's anxiety with regards to my more active involvement as the submissive sissy cuckold.  But based upon my conversation with Her on Thursday night, shortly after they made love (for the first time), i don't think Brian is as anxious about it as She thought.  "Brian says hello" Diane told me as we talked and then said "He also wishes you were here."  i didn't have a very good response to that and just said "Oh really?  Why is that?"  "Don't be silly.  Why do you think he wants you here?  Probably the same reason I do" She answered.

i followed up on that last night with Diane after i had served dinner and cleaned up around the kitchen.  She told me they had a long conversation on Thursday night (lots of "pillow talk" she called it) much of it to do with my role as a cuckold.  She told me that Brian now has a better understanding of our relationship and is eager to move forward.  "He likes the idea of being the man who's cuckolding you" Diane said.  "It probably feeds his ego.  He also loves how obedient you are to me."

Now i'm the one who's nervous and anxious.  He's supposed to visit again next week!

love,

sissy terri

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Reflections on Cuckolding

My absence from blogging over the weekend wasn't just the result of being a little busy.  There was time to blog and i had even planned on doing it later on Friday afternoon.  The lack of a post until this afternoon was on Diane's insistence that i take appropriate time to reflect on the experience and gather my thoughts.  She also wanted me to step away from the blog this weekend and spend more time this weekend doing more feminine things with Her.

i was allowed to spend a little time posting images on my tumblr site, something that i find relaxing, enjoyable and an exercise that helps me reflect the way She wants me to.  But my weekend of "more feminine" things also included a ban on TV sports.  How things have changed.  It wasn't long ago that this particular weekend, when the final eight NFL teams were facing off, was one that i would look forward to with great anticipation.  Hardly ever did anything get in the way of my seeing those games in their entirety.  This weekend i didn't see any of them.  And Diane made sure to let me know that Brian watched them all.

However, i'm very happy with how the weekend went.  i had time to think about what happened last Wednesday and Thursday nights and spent a considerable amount of time discussing it with Diane.  There were several very intimate and personal conversations and admissions.  Diane shared that Brian was indeed nervous about how things would go but when it was all over, he admitted that he really had a good time.  "He feels very comfortable doing it again" She said, and told me he was afraid I might be scared off or unwilling to continue.  "Are you?" She asked me.

That was a difficult question to answer.  A very difficult one.  It involves so many things, so many feelings, emotions, hangups, etc.  Until Wednesday night, no one had really seen me dressed en femme except for Diane and Jake.  My relationship with Diane makes being dressed in Her presence feel natural.  It just feels right.  And with Jake, it was much the same way.  My dressing and being femme was a very big part of our relationship.

Doing so in front of Brian was intimidating and i felt uneasy.  The reason is that i sometimes think i look ridiculous dressed as a woman.  Diane simply says "that's a ridiculous notion.  You look lovely."  i'm in good shape, slim and smooth with no facial hair.  i trim my eyebrows and keep myself meticulously groomed.  Yet i still feel awkward.  And dressing in front of my wife's lover makes me feel so self-conscious.

We spent much of the time i tried answering Diane's question discussing this very topic.  Eventually, Diane wants me in full feminine attire when Brian is here, much like i would be if it were just the two of us.  She wants me to get over this hangup and move forward.  i promised Her i would do my best.

The most difficult moment on Thursday night took place when i was called into the bedroom after their first lovemaking session.  In many ways it was my "big test."  When i got there, Brian was in the bathroom and Diane told me to strip down to my bra and panties.  She lay on the bed, naked, on her side looking at me but facing the side of the bed where Brian had obviously just left.  My heart was beating and Diane simply told me to relax but not to waste any time.  i fumbled with the blouse but got it off and slid off my slacks and the pantyhose.

"Come here" She said.  As i approached, Diane laid back and spread her legs.  She took me by the hand and pulled me towards Her.  "Clean me" was all She said.  Almost fearful that Brian would come into the bedroom and we would make eye contact, i buried myself between Her legs.  It seemed like all i could taste was Brian.  Then i heard him come in the room.

Diane asked him to lay beside Her as i licked.  She told him to relax and i felt him lay beside Her.  All the time She was holding my head in place.  The fact that i was there in my bra and panties in front of Brian was the most embarrassing moment of my lifetime.  Diane and Brian were kissing while i licked Her.  i wondered if She even enjoyed what i was doing.  They talked as if i wasn't even there i thought.  Eventually though, her arousal was evident and even though it took longer than it usually does, Diane had a wonderful orgasm.

The time after the orgasm was even more difficult and uncomfortable.  i eventually had to get up and face Brian in some way.  "That was absolutely wonderful" Diane said, breaking the ice.  "Did you enjoy it?" She asked me.  "Yes, i did" i told Her, not even hesitating.  It wasn't a lie.  "I can tell" She teased.  Even as i got up and walked away, my erection was noticeable.

Sensing my discomfort, Diane dismissed me, once again saying thank you and telling me I could go back downstairs.  They made love love late into the evening.

i passed the first big test i suppose, but i wonder how difficult the future visits from Brian will be.  i hope they get easier.  i'm still very anxious.  

Yesterday, we also did some shopping for lingerie on line.  We had gone shopping in the afternoon but Diane didn't see anything she liked.  We each bought an identical bra and panty set.  "I want to surprise Brian next time he's here.  I think it will be cute when he sees us in matching bras and panties" She told me. 

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My Cuckold Night

Up until last night, Diane's "affair" with Brian as real as it was, always felt like it was taking place in some type of make believe place.  i knew it was happening and in the most intimate of ways, experienced the unique taste, feel and smell of a woman who has been made love to by another man.  As real as my cuckolding was, the actual act of my wife having sex with another man wasn't taking place when i was under the same roof, or within earshot of the distinct sounds of very passionate lovemaking.

All of that changed last night, and everything happened so much faster than i ever thought it would.  The "ice breaking" time where we would sit and socialize for a little while to relax just whizzed by.  i no sooner had sat down after serving Diane and Brian drinks and appetizers that i was sent upstairs to "take down the bed and put some towels out" by my Wife.   "We may decide to take a shower first, or later" She giggled.  But, i'm getting a little bit ahead of myself here.

Yesterday afternoon, Diane called and told me She enjoyed my blog post.  i know She reads the blog but doesn't always discuss it with me (i am still waiting for Her to post, something She continuously promises She will do), in fact She rarely does.  But yesterday, She thought i should follow the suggestion of one of my readers, Serendipity, who gave her the idea that maybe i should dress in a more subdued feminine manner.  "I like the idea of you in some chic slacks, a blouse and some flats.  Maybe just a hint of makeup and nothing else" She said.  It was more than a suggestion and i didn't have a choice.  "And the undergarments go without saying" She added.

We also discussed dinner and a few other minor details.  i would prepare dinner when they were ready for it.  It could be either before or after they spent some time together.  i had some fish for grilling and a salad would be made.  i also had some stuffed mushrooms as appetizers ready to serve with their drinks when they first arrived.

i wore black ladies slacks that had a zipper up the back.  i have two very similar pairs, one is a size 10 and the other a 12.  i went back and forth on which pair i was going to wear.  i look better in the size 10 but i thought they were a little too tight and made me look more femme.  i originally chose the 12's, but changed at the last minute.  i knew Diane would notice and probably ask me later why i chose my "baggy" slacks.  i wore a white bra, white panties with a touch of lace on the front panel and a pair of taupe colored pantyhose.  A pair of black flats with a silver bow shaped buckle on them finished it off.  Honestly, i initially thought it was a great idea for a more subtle femme appearance and it probably was when you consider this being mine and Brian's first time to meet under these circumstances but as far as i was concerned, i might just as well have been wearing a bouffant gown with layers and layers of petticoats.  That's how femme and sissylike i felt.

Brian arrived with Diane at 5:45 exactly.  i saw the clock when i heard their cars pull into our driveway.  They entered together through the entryway from the garage where Diane parked Her SUV.  The initial greeting wasn't as awkward as i thought but still a little humiliating.  First, Diane said hello and gave me a peck on the cheek and told me i looked very nice.  "You remember Brian" She said as he extended his hand for me to shake.  i said hello and asked how he was doing.  What a stupid question!

Then, Diane shocked me She said "Princess, why don't you get me a glass of wine and ask Brian what he'd like to drink then join us in the living room for cocktails."  She'd sometimes referred to me as "Princess", but only in very intimate moments or when She wanted to tease and embarrass me.  This time, i blushed with embarrassment and Brian seemed to smile a little.  i tried to sort of brush aside the comment and quickly asked him what he would like.  After he said he'd just have a beer if i had one, Diane interjected and said "Go ahead, have a Manhattan and relax."  i don't think he really wanted one, but agreed with Diane's suggestion and off i went to prepare the drinks.

A few minutes later i entered the living room with their drinks, a glass of Chianti for Diane and Brian's Manhattan.  As i served the drinks, Diane looked at me puzzled and said "Uh....did we forget something?"  i thought everything was fine, other than maybe the appetizers which i was planning to bring out next.  i told Diane that i'd get the stuffed mushrooms.  "No.....it's not the mushrooms.  What are we missing?  What do we always wear when serving?" She asked.  i knew the answer and said "You're right.  I'm sorry" i answered and returned to the kitchen.  When i returned with the mushrooms, i was wearing a white bib apron with ruffled trim.  "Much better" Diane smiled.  This time, in addition to his smile, there was a little chuckle from Brian.

To me, the moment when i returned with the apron was the most telling moment of the evening.  My submission to Diane was on full display in front of Brian. She's expressed Her dominance over me on many, many times but none more powerful than this one.  There i stood in stark contrast with the man sitting so close to Her, the man who would make love to Her shortly, and the man who's hand She was holding.  It was like what happened made everything irreversible, exposing me as the submissive cuckold.  Even the lovemaking that took place later didn't have as powerful a message.

i joined them briefly with a glass of wine.  Brian had a few mushrooms and told me they were excellent.  Diane commented on how good a cook i was but didn't have any.  i felt awkward sitting there, still in my apron and almost afraid to take it off.  It wasn't long before Diane said it was probably time for "us to go upstairs" and then saying that She'd let me know if and when they would want dinner.

Soon after i heard the door close upstairs i heard Diane laugh a bit and a few moments later the shower was running.  i envisioned them embracing in the shower and doing what two people who haven't seen each other in awhile would be doing.  i felt like a failure as a man and i know i am.  i'm also embarrassed to say that the thoughts going through my mind turned me on.  Later, i became uncomfortable when i could hear the lovemaking from where i was sitting in the living room.  i turned the television on to watch a basketball game and drown out the sounds from upstairs.

A few hours later, Diane came out of the room and called down to me, saying that She and Brian would probably be coming down to fix some sandwiches in a little while and that i could go to bed if i wanted to.  She did have one request - that i go get Brian's overnight bag in the car, since he had decided to spend the night.  i went outside to get the bag from his car after removing my apron and brought it to her upstairs.  She kissed me good night and said "Thank you, you were fantastic tonight" and went back into our bedroom. 

i went to bed shortly thereafter and heard them go downstairs.  i heard their lovemaking before they fell asleep and again this morning when i was up early. i made coffee and Brian came down first, telling me that Diane wanted him to tell me She'd be going into the office later this morning.  i offered him coffee which he took but didn't want anything for breakfast.  He thanked me for the coffee and after a few awkward moments said "Look i know last night had to be difficult but i just wanted to say thanks."    Was i supposed to say "you're welcome"???  All i could think of was to say "No problem."  With that, he said "Thanks" and a "see you later."

Diane didn't wait long to call me upstairs.  She had me sit on the bed next to Her and thanked me for what i'd done, again telling me how "great" or "fantastic" i was.  We talked and i told Her how Brian didn't seem very anxious or nervous at all in my opinion.  i asked Her if She had just been telling me that to lessen my own anxieties.  She smiled and denied it, saying that he was indeed a little nervous and surprised Her at how well he handled things.

Eventually, i found myself between her legs, where Brian had been probably a half hour ago.  The taste and smell i experienced as i licked Her was as fresh as i've ever experienced.

When i was done, i happened to notice Brian's overnight bag in the corner of the room.  Diane saw me looking at it and said "Oh, I asked him to stay over tonight also.  I think it will be a little less stressful."  As usual, She's probably right.  

i apologize for the long post and hope you didn't get bored.  A blogger who i admire once told me to write a blog for yourself and not for the people who read it.  It's good advice.

love,

terri

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The Cuckold Night Finally Arrives - i Think

Tonight's the night, or at least I think it is going to be.  If it is at all possible, Brian is just as nervous or maybe even more so than i am.  That's according to Diane.  When She called me this morning to update me, i just had to ask Her if She was just saying that to help calm me down.  She swears She's telling me the truth, even saying that he's so nervous She hopes he's still able to "perform" tonight.

i've gone over things with Diane numerous times and i'm prepared as can be for tonight.  The plan is for Diane to get here with Brian between 5:30 and 6:00 PM.  She wants to relax a bit and just spend some time talking and breaking the ice.  i've met Brian before, but so very far removed from these current circumstances that i don't think our previous interactions help at all.

Diane's tasked me with doing my utmost best to make Brian feel as comfortable as possible.  i'm supposed to do this without any overt references to cuckolding but to make him feel like i am totally accepting of his making love to my wife.  She'll be able to take it from there.  i'll serve them drinks and Diane will tell me to join them while we talk.  At the right time, She's going to dismiss me and eventually they will find their way upstairs.

A couple of things are still very much "up in the air."  The first is how i'm to be dressed when they get here.  Diane's still undecided but right now, She thinks it might be best that i dress in casual male clothing other than my undergarments.  She'll call me with more specific instructions early enough for me to change if necessary. The other thing that's going to be a spur of the moment call will be my involvement, if any, in whatever intimate time they spend together.  "I'm definitely going to have to play that by ear" Diane said, "depending on how relaxed I can get him."

As for myself, i could definitely use a couple of Valiums!!!

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An Anxious Sissy Cuckold

i'm anxious about what's going to take place this week.  My last few posts have been about various sissy and feminine things and i've avoided the topic of my cuckolding.  It's the elephant in the room sort of thing and i really didn't want to talk about it.

This week, Brian is going to be coming into town for not just one, but two nights.  He called Diane yesterday with the news and they spent nearly an hour on the phone.  It was a conversation that took place with Diane moving around the house while talking, making sure She wasn't within hearing distance when there were things She didn't want me to hear.

Towards the end of the conversation, Diane motioned for me to come kneel next to her.  She sat on the loveseat in our living room and removed her shoes and pointed for me to massage her feet while She talked with Brian.  When I had massaged both of them, i began to kiss them.  She didn't have to tell me.  i knew it was what She wanted.

i listened humiliatingly to Her side of the conversation.  The continuous referrals to me with the use of feminine pronouns and Diane telling Brian that i was prepared to be a very good cuckold.  "Of course she's nervous, but I think you're more nervous than she is" Diane told him.  The whole conversation, scene and setting made me realize just how far both of us had gone; Diane with Her Dominance and i with my submission.

Diane's always told me that i could back out if i wanted to.  After She hung up the phone, She looked at me and said "So, are you ready?"  i hesitated a bit and finally told Her i was.

"You're probably more ready than Brian is" She said, with a hint of annoyance in Her tone.

Brian is here Wednesday and Thursday night.  In some ways, i wish it was tonight.  The wait and anxiety is getting to me. 

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My Sissy Emotions

i want everyone to know that I'm fine.  Funny how you can make friends through this relatively anonymous phenomenon we call blogging.  i haven't posted in a little over two weeks and i've received five emails from blogger friends (all but one of them a submissive sissy like myself) asking if i was okay.  It's quite touching and heartwarming to be totally honest with you.

i've been in some sort of funk.  Diane calls it a "sissy funk" most of the time but She's also said it's my feminine hormones taking over.  No, i'm not taking anything but She tells me that's it's totally understandable that the more i behave and adopt traditional feminine roles and behaviors, the female hormones that do exist in me will become more dominant.

my affair with Jake seems like it could be over.  i wrote last time about how i thought Jake might be headed to one of those "valleys" he referred to at the outset of our relationship.  His bi urges seemed to come in peaks and valleys he said.  But soon after i posted two weeks ago, he called me to say that he thought his wife was getting suspicious, asking him some odd questions.  He felt she might be thinking he was messing around on her and thought it was a good idea to cool it for awhile.  I heard from him a couple times on email since then and saw him at the gym once, but it's been about 10 days since we've communicated.  i understand, but can't help feeling he's just plain lost interest in me.

On the other hand, Diane and Brian see each other very regularly.  Somehow, Brian's been able to arrange his schedule to be in our city at least one night per week over the last month, sometimes two.  Diane's been telling him more and more about my submission to Her.  She tells me that he's fascinated by it and seems turned on that he's her "alpha" lover.  That's the term i'm using not his.  Diane tells me She's very confident now that it's only a matter of time before he "knows everything" and that i'll be cuckolded in their presence.  It's something i fantasize but am also anxious about.

Through all this, Diane's been very understanding and supportive of my feelings.  It seems like when i'm feeling very low, at my lowest points for example, She uses that as an opportunity to exert more dominance over me and exaggerate my femininity.

In those instances, usually after i've completed some humiliating task while dressed in a very sissy-like outfit, we sit and talk about where we are in our marriage and whether or not we're happy with where it's headed.  In spite of the emotional roller coaster i've experienced of late, i have to admit i want it to continue.  Diane insists that "turning back now would be a big mistake."  i have to agree with Her.

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A Sissy's Slow Week

i didn't get to see Jake this week which was very disappointing.  i had to travel on Tuesday and Wednesday which i didn't think would matter because we were supposed to get together Thursday, but he cancelled.  i also haven't heard from him since which makes it even a little harder to deal with.  i get a little paranoid that something like this could mean that he's losing interest.

When i'm with Jake, there's never any indication that there's a loss of interest, but i keep remembering something that he told me when we first me.  i'm paraphrasing here but what he said was that his bisexual urges came in waves of interest.  They'd peak and he'd become incredibly horny and wanting nothing more than having a man suck his cock and those peaks would be followed by valleys where he wasn't that interested.  i used to be somewhat like that, but now i want it on a more regular basis.  i'm worried that Jake is headed into one of those valleys right now.  i hope not.

Conveniently while i was away, Diane saw Brian here in our home on Tuesday night.  They made love in our bed, and i had to change the sheets when i got home.  Diane left me a note that said "Be a good girl and change the sheets when you get in.  Love, D."  The not was strategically placed near what was clearly a visible spot of their juices on the sheet.

Part of me was glad i was away while their lovemaking took place, but there's still that part of me that wants to be there, my submissive sissy self on full display in front of my wife's lover Brian.

While Diane's teasing of my being her cuckold is relatively routine, it's also taken a different turn.  She's now saying things to me that I'm not sure She's shared with Brian and when i ask Her, i don't always get a straight answer.  She's told him about Her dominance over me, but i'm not sure to what extent.  Here's an example - Last night at dinner She said that when She told Brian that i'd be changing the sheets on the bed when i got home, he got a real kick out of it!  When i asked Her if She really told him that, she just giggled and refused to answer directly.  "You'll just have to wonder and maybe you'll find out soon enough" was all She said.

Later, She got a call from Brian on Her cell phone and moments later, went to sit outside on the patio to finish Her discussion.  That was very unusual.  They talked for nearly a half hour.

Not long after Her phone call, i was made to lick Her to an orgasm.  It wasn't a long licking.  She was already aroused and wet when i began to worship Her.  It must have been an exciting phone call.    When She was pleased, i was allowed to sissy masturbate myself.  That didn't take long either!

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Still Her Sissy Wife

"I'm happy for you" Diane said as we sat down for the dinner i had prepared for her last night.  She was referring to my meeting Jake and how things seemed to be going so well.  She had just asked me when i would be seeing him next and i had told Her that our plan was to try to get together on Monday.

It seems like even though we still have plenty of intimacy with one another, albeit not the type a traditional marriage would have, that we are sort of leading parallel lives.  She has Her thing with Brian, and i have my thing with Jake.

i thanked Her for the comment as i took off my apron and got ready to take my place at the dining room table.  "I'd prefer you keep the apron on" Diane said, "it looks  nice on you."  i returned to the kitchen and put it back on and then sat down to enjoy dinner.

There was a long period of silence, though it didn't seem necessarily awkward, until i asked Her when She was seeing Brian next.  "Not until next week at the earliest" She said, answering as if i had interrupted some sort of deep thought process She was going through.  It was evident that i had, as the next words out of Her mouth were "I was just thinking..."

She proceeded to let me in on some of the things She had been discussing with Brian, and Her plans to "somehow introduce cuckolding into our mix."  Basically, Diane's continued to drop some hints to Brian about cuckolding, although She wasn't very specific about them other than to say he gets turned on knowing he's "fucking another man's wife."

"You know, the more I think about it the more I'm convinced that the best way to segue into the cuckolding conversation with him is to let him know that I'm dominant in our relationship" She said.  i was very surprised but not shocked.  After all, if full fledged in person cuckolding were to take place, my submission to Diane would become readily apparent.  "You know, let him know that I wear the pants in the house, not you.  I think it would lay a good foundation to move forward and remove some fears he might have of rocking the boat."

While we talked about it for just a little while longer, She didn't directly ask for my opinion.  She knows it's something i want, but understands that i'm very apprehensive about moving forward.  She did listen to me and i appreciated that.  i doubt very much that Diane won't follow through with this.  It may take Her longer than She'd like, but eventually i know She's going to bring it up to Brian.

Later as i cleared the dishes and cleaned up in the kitchen while still in my apron, Diane thanked me for a wonderful dinner.  Before She left to go into our living room She gave me a peck on the cheek and said "I know you're having a wonderful time with Jake and enjoying yourself.  I am happy for you.  But don't forget that you're still my sissy wife.  Your wifely duties to me come first, and the always will."

It was a less-than-subtle reminder, and it was nice to hear. 

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The Good Little Housewife

"Aren't you the good little housewife?" Diane said to me the other night, her comments dripping with sensual and sarcastic domination.  i was wearing one of my prettiest aprons when she got home from work and had a lovely dinner all prepared for the two of us.

It was sort of a special occasion, a corny anniversary of sorts.  Not a wedding anniversary but a date that we've always remembered for romantic reasons.  Just because things have changed so much for us was no reason to stop our little tradition.  Diane was glad i remembered, and i was happy She was pleased. 

Although i did all the preparation and serving of the dinner, when we sat down and toasted with a glass of Her favorite wine, i almost felt like Her equal as opposed to Her submissive.  Even though i was dressed in a very pretty housewife-like  print dress with a pearl necklace and matching earrings, we talked intimately and enjoyed dinner very much. 

Diane seemed to enjoy the dinner so much She even told me She felt guilty about not having lifted a finger to assist in its preparation and volunteered to help clean up.  I refused Her help and told Her to just relax and i would join Her soon.  "That's the good little housewife in you" She said and after pausing added "that I love so much."  She just smiled and went into the living room to finish her second glass of wine.  She made a couple of calls on Her cell while She was there, but i couldn't really make out who they were to.  One of them could of been Brian but i just couldn't be sure.

i joined Her later and sat next to Her on the sofa.  She reached over and kissed me softly and it felt so nice.  "I really don't know how to reward you for such a wonderful dinner and evening" She told me, "everything was absolutely delicious and just right."  i told Her there was no need to repay me at all, just to continue loving me.  "I'll always love you.  You'll never have to worry about that."  It was beautiful the way She said it.

"But I do need to reward my good little housewife in a special way.  I want to do something special for you, something very, very significant" She said as She smiled at me.  "Would you like that?"

i told Her i would love anything She would do for me.  "I know you would sweetheart" She said.

Somehow, i think She knows exactly what that special reward is, but isn't prepared to share it with me. 

On another note, i haven't been able to blog much lately because of my consulting job.  It got busier than anticipated and the next few months are going to be the same.  i'm making more money than i thought i would and as promised, it is turned over to Diane and i'm given an allowance.  It's a pretty generous allowance, but the fact that i turn it over to Her makes me feel more submissive.

i am seeing Jake tomorrow here at our house. He doesn't have much time but i want to see him very much.  i don't like being rushed but it's either that or not see him until next week or the week after.  i'm going to do my best to look as feminine as possible for his arrival and do my best to please him. 

Diane is working tomorrow morning and we leave in the afternoon to fly to New York for a wedding on Long Island Saturday.  We're also going with Diane's friend Linda and her husband.  It's a funny feeling, especially that Linda now knows that i know that Diane is having an affair with Brian.  She knows i'm a cuckold, just not the whole extent of it. 

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Assisting with Phone Sex

It's been nearly two weeks since i saw Jake and a little less since Diane's seen Brian.  An odd situation isn't it?  A Dominant Wife is missing Her lover while Her submissive cuckold loving is missing her boyfriend.  Too bizarre for most people i would think.

i'm planning to see Jake on Friday and Diane is probably not going to see Brian until at least next week.  Even though they haven't seen one another, She still talks to him nearly every day and during some of those conversations, i'm expected to play the dutiful quiet cuckold and listen to one side of what is sometimes a very steamy conversation. 

Such a conversation took place last night after dinner.  Brian found himself alone and called Diane, who promptly told him She happened to be alone also; a cue that She was ready for some erotic talk.  A few hand signals from Her and i was kneeling between Her legs while She sat on the leather sofa in our den.  Another hand signal and i was in the linen closet down the hall getting a towel for Her to sit on after She removed her slacks, panties and knee high hosiery. 

i wasn't allowed to touch or kiss Her at first.  Instead, she talked with Brian while She used Her own fingers on Herself, something that drove me absolutely nuts.  When She was ready, She simply lifted one leg and put Her foot behind my head and pulled me closer until She could reach my head with Her hand and hold it against her very wet vagina. 

Between Brian's lusty comments, including some mild bondage and spanking fantasies where Diane submitted to him, and my licking Her, it didn't take long for Her to orgasm.  But She wanted more and held me in place; definitely a non-verbal command that i wasn't done and neither was She.  There were two more orgasms in rather rapid succession before i was dismissed. 

When it was over i thought about the conversation i had just heard between the two of them, and how certain things they talked about, and specific things that Brian said turned Diane on more than others.  Even though i could only hear portions of what Brian said, i did hear most of it and was easy to make out the conversation between that and Diane's own responses.

When you're close up like i was, it's easy to gauge the effect of certain things that were said on Diane.  Her moans, verbal responses, twitches and yes, most of all, how much wetter she got at times.  They were specific responses to the verbal stimuli Brian was providing.  Knowing that another man is physically pleasing your Wife like a real man should, and hearing how he can also verbally please Her is quite an experience.  i'd seen it before, but not as intense as last night. 

After Diane hung up, She asked "You like that didn't you?" 

i was hard, and the little bump in my panties was clear.  How could i deny it.  She knew i wanted to play with myself and let me masturbate like a sissy.  She let me cum on her pretty feet and made me clean it up telling me what a good sissy i was.  The submission was deep but as soon as i came, i felt like i did when i masturbated as a teenager with a pair of my sisters panties.  i felt like a freak of some sorts and so inferior.

Eventually i got over it.  i know i'm not a freak, but just a very submissive cuckold. 

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Deeper Cuckolding

A week between posts is a long time for me.  The combination of family commitments, things to do and my own difficulty in mentally processing everything i'd like to write about are the primary causes for the delay.  i'm just going to give it my best shot.

It's been about seven months since Diane reunited with Brian at a wedding we attended.  So much has happened since then.  Most of what's happened I know about, but not what Diane revealed to me this weekend.

As She was going through some office correspondence on Saturday morning and making notes, She nonchalantly said "Well, it looks as if you won't be buying me condoms anymore."  It was a confusing statement and my initial thought was that She and Brian had somehow broken up and She wouldn't be seeing him again.   Then realizing that if that had happened, i would have more than likely noticed a change in Her moods, i began to think a little differently.

Awkwardly, i asked Her what She meant.  Again, it was something that came out sounding stupid.

"You know how careful I am" She said.  "I've had extensive blood work done for both of us.  Brian is clean as a whistle.  I knew I was free of anything, but in all fairness, wanted to provide him with the same level of comfort."

i didn't know what to say and could feel myself blushing, but not in a good way.  i felt nervous, uneasy, unsure and emotional.  i stayed quiet and continued doing what i was doing.   The silence in the room was deafening.

"Cat got your tongue?" Diane asked me.  "Don't you have anything to say?"

Again i hesitated and said "i'm not sure what to say.  i want you to be happy and i'm sure you've thought this through."

"Of course I have" She told me, "But, I want you to be happy also.  I think you'll enjoy it as well, don't you?"

All of these questions that point out my submissiveness and sissy cuckold status are difficult to answer.  i know the answers but the words are difficult to say.  Speaking them in some ways is an admission of sorts, an admission of many things.

"i don't know.  If it makes You happy, i'll enjoy that" i told Her.

"Well, we're going to find out this week when Brian comes over for a few hours.  When I call you to come home, there will be a little something waiting for you between my legs" She said.

Brian comes over tonight.  i'm going to find ways to keep myself busy while waiting for Diane to call.  i wish i could be with Jake but that's not a possibility.  i'm very anxious about the whole thing and i'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill.  After all, i'm going to be doing what a countless number of other cuckolds do, and i bet many of them enjoy it. 

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Feeling Like A Woman

Both of us have been pretty busy.  Work and family do that do you right?  It hasn't stopped Diane from staying in touch with her lover Brian every day.  i also do my best to email Jake.  It feels very strange, both of us going about setting up our next dates with our boyfriends.  Diane's take precedence of course, and i always have to ask Her permission before i can meet with Jake.  She's never said no to my requests, and doubt She would have reason to.

Last night, after a weekend spent with family, i asked Diane if She was "falling in love" with Brian.  i've been holding back on asking Her that, despite Her repeated assurances that this whole thing was going to be just about sex.  i still have insecurities and i sometimes see subtle changes in how She acts, and particularly in how She views sex with me. 

Our sex has a little more of an edge to it.  She's more controlling, demanding and in subtle ways, quick to point out the differences between me and Brian.  She's touched on my passivity as opposed to his aggression, my strong desire to please as opposed to his demand to be pleasured.  Some of the things Diane says or does are hard to specify, but just add to a different atmosphere She's creating and seems to enjoy.

Last night Diane initially ignored my question about whether She was falling in love with Brian.  Instead, She said to me "You know, sexually, I'm very similar to Brian."

"How's that?" i asked.

"Well, we both know how to make someone feel like a woman" She answered. 

The comment hurt at first.  Then She put her arms around me from behind, kissed my neck and whispered "Well?  Don't we?"

i know Diane does, and i'll have to take Her word for it about Brian.  From all indications, he does too. 

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Cuckolding Indifference

Diane had Brian over one night this week while i was out of town.  He didn't spend the night even though She wanted him to.  He needed to get back to his hotel room at a decent hour just in case his wife were to call him.  Even though like most people they talk on his cell phone when he's traveling, he doesn't want to take the chance that she would try to reach him at the hotel.  i can understand that.  Unlike Diane's situation where She has no such concerns about my finding out, Brian's is much different. 

This "open cuckolding" makes Her lifestyle much easier, and as Her relationship with Brian becomes stronger and more intimate, She enjoys flaunting it in front of me.  She's told Brian he can call Her on Her cell phone any time he wants.  She's told him if She can't talk, She'll just make believe it is someone from work and cut the conversation short.  Keep in mind, that Brian thinks Diane is keeping their affair secret from me.  Instead, i know everything Diane wants me to know about it. 

When Brian calls, rarely does She tell him that She's unable to talk, even if i am right next to Her.  Within a matter of seconds they're totally engrossed in what's usually a pretty erotic conversation, either talking about past or upcoming trysts of theirs.  Her indifference to my presence is sometimes difficult to accept.  There have been a few times where i thing She's actually told him to call at specific times that might even be more humiliating for me.

That seemed to happen last night when, only a few minutes after She told me to get down to just my bra and panties and get ready to please Her, Her cell phone rang.  She knew it was Brian and simply answered "Great timing!" She explained to Brian that She was alone for a little while and was just getting ready to change into something more comfortable.  He must have urged Her to do so, and She too was down to Her bra and panties. 

i stayed kneeling in front of the loveseat where She was sitting and their conversation got pretty steamy.   She then asked him to hold on for a minute and after She put Her hand over the phone, told me to go stand in the corner.  i felt humiliated and wanted to just walk out of the room.  i almost did.

Instead, i obeyed and stood in the corner while She talked with Brian.  i tried to block their conversation out but couldn't.  Like an inferior cuckold, i got hard in my panties.  The humiliation kept turning me on. 

When their conversation was over (cut short because Brian had to go), i was called back to kneel in front of Diane and pleasure Her.  i wasn't there long.  She came very quickly.  She also let me play with myself sissy style while holding Her panties.  "I bet Brian would have loved to know my sissy cuckold was standing in the corner while we were talking" She said.  That made me cum instantly. 

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A Complete Cuckold?

i had to take somewhat of an unexpected business trip this week and haven't been able to post anything on the blog.  i procrastinated in doing so last weekend and then when i found out i had to travel late Sunday, i just ran out of time.  In fact, i'm still away from home and won't be back until tomorrow night. 

There was a time when traveling alone was something i looked forward to because of the opportunity it gave me to fully express my feminine self.  i would bring some lingerie with me, do some shopping and several times i even visited a woman who provided makeovers for crossdressers.  There was no sex involved, but just an entire makeover from head to toe that included makeup, a wig, and just about any type of clothing you could think of.  i used to love my trips to Chicago!

For the most part, that thrill is gone because i have the opportunity to express my feminine self both at home and with Jake.  At home, my role as Diane's wife couldn't be any clearer.  Not only am i expected to do all the things a real wife would do, She goes out of Her way to make sure i know that i'm the wife and She wears the pants in the family.  It's become more pronounced since She and Brian have been seeing each other.

My Friday date with Jake was really nice.  i got to get dressed fully for him at his house despite my nervousness.   It was silly because there was no way anyone was going to be around.  It was the first time i wore a dress, hose, heels and a wig for him.  It felt so awesome to be held by him and have him cup my ass as he brought me close to him.  It wasn't the first time we kissed, but it was the best by far.  i pleasured him several times and after the last time, he "allowed" me to play with myself (in sissy fashion of course) and i came while i licked his balls one last time.  He also loved watching me lick up whatever cum spilled on to the kitchen floor!  i am beginning to really love his growing dominance.

Brian and Diane got together tonight, and i still haven't heard from Her yet.  She told me if i didn't hear from Her than Brian may be spending the night. 

i hate to admit it, but the fact that Diane has become submissive to another man seems to be a type of humiliation i crave.  In some ways, it seems to be a step towards making me a more complete cuckold.   But i also have a feeling there's even further to go. 

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"It's Only a Game"

My lack of posting the past few is a reflection of my mood.  It's been an emotional week for me.  Diane's meeting with Brian Monday night revealed something i'd suspect for awhile but wasn't really sure about.  Their relationship has turned a little kinky.  Kinky in that she enjoys submitting to him. 

That's been hard for me to deal with.  Never in our marriage has Diane ever exhibited or revealed any desire to be submissive.  It's always been the exact opposite.  Now, she's submitting to Brian.

i didn't find out exactly by accident either.  Diane does nothing by accident.  It's all planned.  The handcuffs were laying on the chair in our bedroom right next to her bra and panties.  She obviously wanted me to see them.

i can't say i was shocked, but confirming my suspicions hurt in a way.  And She could see it.

"Look, it's only a game" She said.  "Get over it."

i told her i was surprised because She never let on that it was something She enjoyed.  i wished She would have told me.  Then what She said has really stuck with me:  "How could I enjoy being submissive to someone who I knew couldn't be dominant.  It just would never feel right."

Later, i found myself in the same handcuffs Diane had worn earlier that night for Brian.  With my hands cuffed behind my back, i licked her pussy.  As i licked She told me that She had worn them while sucking his cock.  It didn't take me long to cum in my panties after She said that. 

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