i've been in some sort of funk. Diane calls it a "sissy funk" most of the time but She's also said it's my feminine hormones taking over. No, i'm not taking anything but She tells me that's it's totally understandable that the more i behave and adopt traditional feminine roles and behaviors, the female hormones that do exist in me will become more dominant.
my affair with Jake seems like it could be over. i wrote last time about how i thought Jake might be headed to one of those "valleys" he referred to at the outset of our relationship. His bi urges seemed to come in peaks and valleys he said. But soon after i posted two weeks ago, he called me to say that he thought his wife was getting suspicious, asking him some odd questions. He felt she might be thinking he was messing around on her and thought it was a good idea to cool it for awhile. I heard from him a couple times on email since then and saw him at the gym once, but it's been about 10 days since we've communicated. i understand, but can't help feeling he's just plain lost interest in me.
On the other hand, Diane and Brian see each other very regularly. Somehow, Brian's been able to arrange his schedule to be in our city at least one night per week over the last month, sometimes two. Diane's been telling him more and more about my submission to Her. She tells me that he's fascinated by it and seems turned on that he's her "alpha" lover. That's the term i'm using not his. Diane tells me She's very confident now that it's only a matter of time before he "knows everything" and that i'll be cuckolded in their presence. It's something i fantasize but am also anxious about.
Through all this, Diane's been very understanding and supportive of my feelings. It seems like when i'm feeling very low, at my lowest points for example, She uses that as an opportunity to exert more dominance over me and exaggerate my femininity.
In those instances, usually after i've completed some humiliating task while dressed in a very sissy-like outfit, we sit and talk about where we are in our marriage and whether or not we're happy with where it's headed. In spite of the emotional roller coaster i've experienced of late, i have to admit i want it to continue. Diane insists that "turning back now would be a big mistake." i have to agree with Her.
