My Sissy Emotions

i want everyone to know that I'm fine.  Funny how you can make friends through this relatively anonymous phenomenon we call blogging.  i haven't posted in a little over two weeks and i've received five emails from blogger friends (all but one of them a submissive sissy like myself) asking if i was okay.  It's quite touching and heartwarming to be totally honest with you.

i've been in some sort of funk.  Diane calls it a "sissy funk" most of the time but She's also said it's my feminine hormones taking over.  No, i'm not taking anything but She tells me that's it's totally understandable that the more i behave and adopt traditional feminine roles and behaviors, the female hormones that do exist in me will become more dominant.

my affair with Jake seems like it could be over.  i wrote last time about how i thought Jake might be headed to one of those "valleys" he referred to at the outset of our relationship.  His bi urges seemed to come in peaks and valleys he said.  But soon after i posted two weeks ago, he called me to say that he thought his wife was getting suspicious, asking him some odd questions.  He felt she might be thinking he was messing around on her and thought it was a good idea to cool it for awhile.  I heard from him a couple times on email since then and saw him at the gym once, but it's been about 10 days since we've communicated.  i understand, but can't help feeling he's just plain lost interest in me.

On the other hand, Diane and Brian see each other very regularly.  Somehow, Brian's been able to arrange his schedule to be in our city at least one night per week over the last month, sometimes two.  Diane's been telling him more and more about my submission to Her.  She tells me that he's fascinated by it and seems turned on that he's her "alpha" lover.  That's the term i'm using not his.  Diane tells me She's very confident now that it's only a matter of time before he "knows everything" and that i'll be cuckolded in their presence.  It's something i fantasize but am also anxious about.

Through all this, Diane's been very understanding and supportive of my feelings.  It seems like when i'm feeling very low, at my lowest points for example, She uses that as an opportunity to exert more dominance over me and exaggerate my femininity.

In those instances, usually after i've completed some humiliating task while dressed in a very sissy-like outfit, we sit and talk about where we are in our marriage and whether or not we're happy with where it's headed.  In spite of the emotional roller coaster i've experienced of late, i have to admit i want it to continue.  Diane insists that "turning back now would be a big mistake."  i have to agree with Her.

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A Sissy's Slow Week

i didn't get to see Jake this week which was very disappointing.  i had to travel on Tuesday and Wednesday which i didn't think would matter because we were supposed to get together Thursday, but he cancelled.  i also haven't heard from him since which makes it even a little harder to deal with.  i get a little paranoid that something like this could mean that he's losing interest.

When i'm with Jake, there's never any indication that there's a loss of interest, but i keep remembering something that he told me when we first me.  i'm paraphrasing here but what he said was that his bisexual urges came in waves of interest.  They'd peak and he'd become incredibly horny and wanting nothing more than having a man suck his cock and those peaks would be followed by valleys where he wasn't that interested.  i used to be somewhat like that, but now i want it on a more regular basis.  i'm worried that Jake is headed into one of those valleys right now.  i hope not.

Conveniently while i was away, Diane saw Brian here in our home on Tuesday night.  They made love in our bed, and i had to change the sheets when i got home.  Diane left me a note that said "Be a good girl and change the sheets when you get in.  Love, D."  The not was strategically placed near what was clearly a visible spot of their juices on the sheet.

Part of me was glad i was away while their lovemaking took place, but there's still that part of me that wants to be there, my submissive sissy self on full display in front of my wife's lover Brian.

While Diane's teasing of my being her cuckold is relatively routine, it's also taken a different turn.  She's now saying things to me that I'm not sure She's shared with Brian and when i ask Her, i don't always get a straight answer.  She's told him about Her dominance over me, but i'm not sure to what extent.  Here's an example - Last night at dinner She said that when She told Brian that i'd be changing the sheets on the bed when i got home, he got a real kick out of it!  When i asked Her if She really told him that, she just giggled and refused to answer directly.  "You'll just have to wonder and maybe you'll find out soon enough" was all She said.

Later, She got a call from Brian on Her cell phone and moments later, went to sit outside on the patio to finish Her discussion.  That was very unusual.  They talked for nearly a half hour.

Not long after Her phone call, i was made to lick Her to an orgasm.  It wasn't a long licking.  She was already aroused and wet when i began to worship Her.  It must have been an exciting phone call.    When She was pleased, i was allowed to sissy masturbate myself.  That didn't take long either!
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