Sissy Satisfaction

I was one satisfied sissy last night after Diane was done with me.  I did have to satisfy her first by worshiping her pussy and then her ass, but she seemed more interested in making sure my own feminine needs were met.  After getting into her strap on and making sure I was properly positioned and lubed, she was very deliberate and soft in her lovemaking, teasing me with the tip of her cock before sliding it in and even then, moving it in and out while I begged her to give it to me.

"No touching" she said as she forbade me to play with myself.  "No masturbating while I fuck you tonight. I'll control when you cum" she told me.  I was afraid I would cum spontaneously as she spoke to me and she realized that.

"You like cock don't you?" she asked me.  I answered her in the affirmative.  "I know how much you miss Ken" she said.  She brings up his name from time to time.  Ken was the last man I was with, and she knew all about it.  I had an "affair" with him for more than two years.  He was married and a retired physician with a wife who was still working.  They've moved away and yes, I do miss him.  But that's a story for another time.

She continued to make love to me, going deeper, but still sliding in and out at a nice soft pace.  "We both love cock don't we?" she asked in her teasing way.  Before I could answer, she said "I think you actually like it more than I do."

As her strokes began to quicken, she decided to let me cum, but on her terms.  She began to stroke me gently with her left hand and I just lost it, unable to control myself and cumming almost immediately.  She giggled and continued to milk me.  When my orgasm subsided, she let me lick her hand clean.

I was surprised though that last night, not once did she mention Brian and their next lunch date.  I was going to ask if something had gone wrong, but just let it pass.  It was a lovely evening for me.  
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A Horny Wife

"Get ready to put legs up in the air tonight" Diane told me while getting ready for work this morning.

I love the way she can get me all excited hours ahead of time.  Now I am going to spend the day like a horny wife who can't wait for her husband to get home to make love to her.  I'm going to look as pretty as I can for her when she arrives and hopefully, she'll march me up to the bedroom right away and have me on my back with my legs over her shoulders while she takes me with her strapon! 

As Diane makes love to me that way, I feel like a wife fulfilling her marital duties. 

More than likely I'll have to pleasure her first somehow but sometimes, she lets me get satisfied first. Either way, it's going to be a very fitting end to what is starting out to be a very wife-like day!
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Pretty Pastels

Of all the panties I own (too many to count), less than a handful are dark colors.  I have two pair that are dark red, one black and another that are deep purple.  Everything else is pastel colored or a light floral print (the vast majority are pink).  Part of the contract with Diane is that I only buy and wear those types of panties unless she gives me different instructions.  Of the four dark colored pairs I own, Diane has bought them all for me. 

She on the other hand, owns mostly black and dark colored panties.  The darker colors are obviously meant to convey her dominance, especially when they are contrasted with my pretty pastels, and she looks so hot to me in black panties.

This morning at breakfast she teased me about possibly having to do some lingerie shopping soon.  When I asked her what it was she was looking for, she told me that she may want to wear something more "passive looking" when she and Brian finally get together.  She also laughed that to save money she could borrow some of my lingerie.

I believe Diane's comments, as much as they are meant to tease me, also provide insight as to her frame of mind as she thinks about how things will play out with Brian.  Her desire, if that is indeed what it is, to be more sexually passive with Brian also serves to reinforce my own submission to her.  Her desire to wear something pink and feminine for sex with Brian, just like I often do for sex with her, speaks to the issue of woman's need for sex with a very masculine man does it not?
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So So Pretty!

Some things are just so pretty, I can't get them out of my mind.  I would think that other sissies are the same way, but I can't be sure.  I've been thinking about this picture since I saw it a few days ago.  The hairstyle does nothing for me, but everything else exudes femininity and more than anything, sissification.

It's also an outfit, similar to a sissy maid uniform, that wouldn't achieve the full effect unless you wore it in someone else's presence.  Sure, it would be lots of fun to slip into when you're alone and prance around posing in front of the mirror and doing other sissy things.  But, to be made to wear this in front of your Domme, your wife, her friends, etc (the list of potential viewers is endless is it not?) would put most of us in sumbissive sissy heaven.

Of course, if a sissy was made to wear it in front of his dominant wife's lover, then that would be utopia. 
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Waiting to be Cuckolded

My wife Diane's been talking to Brian every day this week, but they haven't set a date for their next meeting.  Up until tonight, Brian has called her while they were at work.  But a few hours ago, that changed when he called her here at home on her cell.  When she realized it was him, she motioned for me to be very quiet.  She proceeded to talk to him for about twenty minutes.

I gave her some privacy so I wasn't privy to much of their discussion.  I know that she ended the conversation by saying "I miss you too."  After she ended the call, she answered the question I was about to ask when she told me that earlier in the day, she told Brian that he could call her at home tonight because I was going to be out until about nine o'clock.  She forgot to mention that to me at dinner and had planned on telling me that if he called, that I was to remain quiet while they talked.  Diane also surprised me when she said she didn't have a problem with me listening in on her side of the conversation.  "If I want privacy, I'll let you know" she said.

We talked for more than an hour after the phone call.  Even though they are definitely going to meet again, Diane said that her getting it on with Brian is definitely not a done deal.   Diane is a very process-oriented person (admittedly anal at times) and wants things to go her way.  Before she ends up in bed with Brian and in a full blown affair, she made it clear to me that there are certain "requirements" that will have to be met. 

The last thing she wants is to have Brian fall head over heels for her and start talking about what it would be like if the two of them were together.  She's married, wants to stay that way and doesn't want to ruin anything with he and his wife.  She's also going to tell him that she expects him to remain "faithful" to both his wife and to her.  It may sound strange, but she doesn't want him screwing around with anyone else.  I asked her how she expects to keep tabs on this and she said that even though it might seem difficult, she'd probably be able to tell if he was seeing someone else as well.  She wants a no strings attached relationship, one in which either one of them can walk away at any time.  Also, unless he's willing to be tested, she's going to insist on safe sex at all times.  Lastly, she stated very clearly that if he wasn't a good lover, she'd just end it, saying the whole thing was probably a bad idea.

I have no idea if her approach to this is much different than other wives who want to cuckold their husbands.  I would think that many wives would have at least some of the same requirements or thoughts as she does.  It may seem pretty cold and clinical, but it's reassuring to me that she has no intention of falling in love with Brian.  I think it is different than most cuckolding situations you read about on the web or on blogs, where the "Bull" knows that the cuckold knows about him and at times, makes love to the wife in the cuckold's presence.  In our case, Diane wants Brian to think that I know nothing about their affair. 

I asked Diane if she ever thought a time would come that she would want to let Brian in on my knowledge of their affair and the whole cuckolding thing.  She said she doubted that would ever happen, but she wouldn't rule it out entirely.  "That would be getting ahead of things.  First things first.  Don't worry your pretty little head about it" she told me. 

In the meantime, I'm just waiting to be cuckolded.  No doubt there's some anxiety on my part, but knowing she's in such control of the situation is very reassuring. 
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"Too Much Work"

Last night after reading the All Mine blog, I asked my wife Diane to read it and tell me what she thought about the whole idea of possibly keeping me in chastity at times.  Diane knows which blogs I read online and my internet habits and preferences are not something I hide from her.

Her response after reading the post was both interesting and disappointing in a way.  "Too much work" she said very abruptly.  I asked her to elaborate and she went on about how, in her opinion, relationships that use chastity seem to be just as much or more work for the Dominant partner as they are for the submissive.  She admitted that she might like the idea of having me locked up initially, but after awhile it would become too routine and as she pointed out, too much work.  "I prefer low maintenance domination" she laughed.

She also brought up the fact that based upon the way I asked my question, it would be "an other one of those things" that I would want only "at times."  That didn't sound very submissive or obedient to her and she said if we were to do it, it would be all or nothing.  Just as I thought she was leaving the door open just slightly enough that she might consider it a possibility, she added "Anyway, I like to see you masturbate whenever I want to.  Having that thing on you would take too much time to remove, put back on, and all the other stuff."

This morning when she got out of the shower to head to work, I brought her a fresh cup of coffee to sip on while she did her hair.  She thanked me and said "You know, I was thinking about that chastity idea you mentioned last night.  Maybe I could just keep you locked up while I'm with Brian."   She looked at me in the mirror with that mischievous smile of hers.  I'm not sure she could tell, but under my bathrobe I was getting hard already. 

I hope she wasn't kidding, but she probably was.  Most of the time she sticks with her initial decisions.  Even though it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind, she rarely does.
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A Little Extra

Remember the old philosophy question "If a tree falls in the middle of the woods and there's no one around to hear it, does it still make any noise?"  How much time was wasted discussing that one?

I thought of that yesterday while home alone doing housework, laundry, etc.  I dress femme at home all the time but most of the time when I'm here alone I'm not all decked out or dolled-up.  Today I just felt like looking very pretty and maybe a bit overly feminine.  I put some makeup on and some very pretty pink lipstick, even if I was going to be just doing the laundry and some ironing.

There was no one here to see me, but it still felt nice.  That tree that falls in the forest may not make any noise if there's no one around to hear it.  With femininity it's very different.  You can enjoy it all by yourself.

On another note, my daily email from Groupon was a pleasant surprise this morning.  The "60% off Parisian-Inspired Lingerie" certainly caught my eye.  I visited the company's website and immediately took advantage of the offer and bought two $40 certificates, each worth $100 in lingerie.  What a deal.   I've also added a link to the French Lingerie Outlet  in my "Let's Go Shopping" section.  I'm one happy sissy today!
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Under my contract with Diane, I spend 7 out of every 28 days having my period.  It's a lesson in femininity, humility and obedience.  During that time, sex is limited to my providing her with oral relief.  I imagine this is very similar to what many women go through when they have their period.  Still pleasing their husbands or boyfriends with their mouth while their pussy is off limits.

Doing these things and acting this way has in some ways become routine for us but it never loses it's intended effect:  to remind me who I am and of my role in this relationship.  The fact that Diane doesn't "fuck" me during this seven day period with one of her strap-ons often makes me want it more.  The fact that I'm obligated to please her with my mouth reinforces my obedience.

Last night was mostly typical of the type of sex we have during "my time of the month."  I say mostly typical because Diane's urges seemed to be heightened, most likely because of her Friday lunch with Brian. Diane took full advantage of my role and had me kissing her all over, and I do mean all over.  There was more verbal teasing than usual and during her moments of passion was much more vocal.  From my viewpoint, much of this is very satisfying since it provides me comfort in knowing Diane enjoys what I provide for her.

I was also made to feel more feminine when Diane surprisingly told me to get her strap-on dildo and harness and help her into it.  It was another tease, but one I enjoyed.  Once strapped in, she lay back on the bed and had me take the make believe cock in my mouth.  It's what many wives do for their spouses when they're in the middle of their period.  "Why should you be totally deprived of cock during your time of the month" she said.  "I know how much you like cock."

There's lots of references to the term "subspace" in D/s literature and blogs.  As submissive as I often feel during moments like last night, I prefer to refer to that feeling as "femmespace."  I haven't really seen that term anywhere.  I'm sure it's probably out there somewhere.  It's a feeling that I get often and many times it comes from different things.  It's a feeling I love very much. 
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An Important Discussion

My wife's lunch with Brian went "pretty well" according to Diane.  It was Friday and neither one of them had a pressing need to get back to work, so it was nearly a three hour lunch.  We had our own long talk last night Diane and I.  She let me ask her anything I wanted about her lunch with Brian.  She told me right up front that she would tell me everything and that she didn't want to hide anything  I asked plenty of questions and I believe she told me everything.

There was no sex yesterday but there was some kissing before they parted in the parking garage near the restaurant.  Diane said the kiss, which began as a polite and short kiss on the lips, ended up in a brief but passionate embrace; one where Brian held her close to him and ran his hands over her butt. She also admitted to briefly putting her hand on his crotch and feeling his hard cock.  Mine was also hard in my panties as she told me this.

Diane assured me that they were discreet about it.  There was no one they could see in the garage and the embrace didn't last long.  I wondered how they could so quickly jump to a passionate kiss but she told me it was simple:  there had been plenty of flirting that took place during the very long lunch, including some suggestive touches of her leg under the table and some tender touches of each other's hands.

There was more in our conversation, much of it arousing to me and much of it difficult to hear.  I suppose the most difficult part for me to hear was Diane telling me that this thing with Brian was definitely going to move forward and that I would have to accept it and in time probably even enjoy it.  "I  love you as my wife" she said, "and that is never, ever, ever going to change.  But I need real sex with a masculine man once and awhile.  Our lifestyle now just doesn't make that possible for me unless I find someone like Brian."

Those words stung, but I knew she was right. In the end, it was something that had to be said.  I told her I understood.  We hugged and there were a few tears.  I know it's going to be difficult, but last night's talk with Diane will help make it easier.  
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Feminine Emotions

The past few days have been very emotion-filled for me.  As instructed by Diane, I made an appointment for her to have her nails done using the gift certificate I bought her.  In some ways I was hoping I wouldn't be able to get her an appointment since it was at the last minute.  I was still bothered by the fact that no sooner had I given her the gift certificate that she decided to use it to get her nails done for her lunch date with Brian today.  It's a date that could eventually lead to her cuckolding me for the second time in our marriage, the first time with my full knowledge.

The lady at the spa had a cancellation and was able to squeeze her in, but not until 6:15 PM.  I thought it was a little later than Diane would have liked but made the appointment anyway.  The lady also surprised me when she asked me "Is this for any special occasion coming up this weekend?"  I hesitated and the lady added "You know, like a wedding, anniversary or something like that?"  I told her that it wasn't, that my wife just felt like treating herself.  Obviously I lied.  Had I been truthful I would have answered in my most submissive sissy voice that it was for an important lunch date with a potential lover of hers.

Wednesday was also the day that according to the contract I have with Diane, I was due to start my period (all part of my feminization and our Female Led Relationship).  I had forgotten about it and so had Diane.  I think it was only the second time I had forgotten about it, proof that my emotions were getting the best of me.  Also, Diane always seems to either remind me or check to see if I'm wearing the feminine protection I'm supposed to.  She must have forgotten as well.  No doubt she has other things on her mind.

Diane didn't get home until nearly 8:30 last night.  I had prepared a salad with grilled chicken for her and waited until she got home so we could eat together.  Her nails looked beautiful and I told her so.  "Don't worry, you'll get to enjoy them too" she said with her beautiful smile.  We spoke little, but we both seemed to know that today's lunch with Brian was on our minds.  Diane is very perceptive and before dinner was over, looked at me and said "Don't worry so much about tomorrow.  Think it through and you'll realize it's something you've wanted.  You knew it would be difficult at first.  If it's meant to be, it will work out fine.  Who knows, I may decide against it."  She was right.

As I cleaned up the dishes after dinner, Diane asked me if I had started my period.  "I forgot to check with you yesterday.  I hope you didn't forget to wear your pad" she said.  "I did start." I told her, but didn't add that I forgot about it and hadn't put a pad on until today.  It would have been another lie. 
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A Gift for a Cuckoldress

I spent Valentine's Day in a wonderfully feminine mood. I minced around in one of my favorite dresses and aprons doing housework, getting things ready for our gourmet dinner that night and setting a perfect dining room table with beautiful flowers.  Diane would be home by 5 PM so by late afternoon I was ready for my bubble bath.  It felt absolutely heavenly.

I've gotten better at makeup, but on these special days it usually takes me a long time to get it just the way I want.  I learned how to apply makeup a few years back when I was traveling on business to Chicago.  I went to a wonderful woman who specializes in makeovers for CD's.  She was a magician with makeup!  I returned several times and after a couple of sessions, even ventured out "en femme" for some shopping with her and one of her assistants.  Since then, I've always followed her makeup routine.

On Tuesday, by the time I finally slipped on my black wig I look pretty darned good.  I had ordered a real cute red strapless dress with a tulle-hemmed skirt and a matching sash belt with a real pretty bow right in the front.  It even had a padded bust which, with the breast enhancers I put in my halter style bra, made me look pretty damn sexy.  A silver necklace with a heart-shaped pendant, matching earings and bracelet helped finish off the look I wanted.  A few minutes before 5, I dabbed just a bit of "Charlie" perfume behind my ears and on my wrists, slid into my heels and waited for Diane to arrive.

She called promptly at 5 to tell me she was just about 10 minutes away and to make sure I was ready to please her.  "I'm very ready" I told her.  "Good" she said, "then get my strap-on ready girl.  I've been thinking about fucking you all day!"  I hurried upstairs to get the supplies ready for her and even took the bed down.  Here I was all dolled up and I was likely to end up on the bed within minutes of her arrival.

When Diane walked through the front door, I tried to strike my most seductive pose with my hands on my hips and legs crossed.  She kissed me and told me I looked absolutely gorgeous.  "You must have been primping all day" she teased, "Now get me a glass of merlot.  I want a little fashion show."

After serving her the wine, I had to stand in front of her and model the dress.  She made me lift the skirt and show her the red panties and taupe colored thigh highs I had on.  "What, no garter belt?" she asked teasingly.  Her glass of wine went mostly untouched.  A few minutes later we were upstairs and she was making love to me.

She insisted on making love to me while I was still in the dress.  "It turns me on to see you like this, and to know how hard you worked to look pretty for me."  Being taken while still in the dress and with all my jewelry felt so sexy.  It also made me feel wanted and lusted after.  Diane took me doggie style at first and then had me lay on my back so that she could lift my legs in the air.  It was in this position that I came, careful not to mess my dress.  "Let yourself go honey" Diane said, "There's always the dry cleaners!"  We had a good laugh at that one.

Diane insisted that I wait until later that night to please her, since she didn't want to ruin my makeup just yet.  I would have rather done so right then and there, but I deferred and we made our way downstairs where I could get ready to serve dinner.

Just before dinner, I gave her the Valentine's Day card I bought for her.  Inside, there was a gift certificate to a spa located in a very beautiful resort not far from where we live.  She loved it and said she couldn't wait to put it to good use.

Dinner was great and we had a very loving time together.  Later, after I had pleasured her and we were ready for bed, she in her pajamas and me in a pretty pink short nighty, she asked me to call the resort today and see if I could get her an appointment for a manicure and pedicure for late this afternoon; "Sometime after 4" she said.  I asked her why she wanted to have her nails done on Thursday.

She paused, looked at me and smiled.  "I'm having lunch with Brian on Friday.  I thought some freshly manicured nails would look pretty sexy don't you think?" she asked me.

I agreed but didn't know how to express myself.  The thought that she would use the gift certificate (or part of it - it was several hundred dollars) to have her nails done for a lunch date with Brian seemed like a slap in the face to me.  At the same time, it was also a very symbolic "cuckolding" act for her to do to me.  To make matters worse, I was going to be the one setting up the appointment for her.

"Well?  Don't you agree?"  I looked at her and said "Yes.  I always want you to look beautiful."

"You still want to be my cuckold right?" she asked me.

I tried not to hesitate this time and answered "Yes.  You know I do."

I'm not sure I sounded convincing.  Fantasy may be close to becoming reality.  I better be ready to deal with it.
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A Sissy Valentine's Day

You always hear that it's better to give than to receive.  Granted, there much satisfaction to be had out of giving something to someone, either a gift, one's time, etc. and see them so happy.  However, I think Valentine's Day for sissy is an exception to that old adage.  I used to enjoy buying things for Diane on Valentine's Day, sexy lingerie, chocolates, flowers, etc.  But as I became more feminine, submissive and took the role of her wife, the tables have been turned in so many ways.

I had just returned from the grocery store this morning to pick up some things for a special Valentine's Day dinner I'm going to make for Diane tonight.  I love to cook and have become very good at it, so whipping up a great gourmet dinner is always fun.  Besides, the restaurants are so crowded on a night like this.  Anyway, after putting things away I got changed into full femme attire when the doorbell rang!  I wasn't about to answer it this way but peeked out the window to see a delivery truck from a local flower shop!

I waited until he left before I opened the front door to find a dozen red roses in a beautiful vase, with a card addressed to me.  In my femme name!  I opened the card to find a note that said:  "Happy Valentine's Day to my lovely wife.  Be home by 5.  Dinner at 7.  Love, D"  My heart skipped a beat.  Receiving flowers is such a feminine and girly thing.  I keep walking over to them and smelling them.   I've had flowers sent to her office today as well, and I do have a special gift for her tonight. 

I can't wait for Diane to get home.  I want to look as beautiful as I can for her.  I also hope I'm on the "receiving end" once again! 
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Favorite Cuckold Blogs

Cuckolding's been on my mind quite a bit lately.  Diane has her lunch date with Brian, her old friend from high school that we recently met at a wedding, and we've been discussing the whole thing rather frequently.  Since our interest in cuckolding has been piqued, I've discovered many blogs that touch on the subject, with some of them having it as their main or even exclusive theme. 

Originally, I started out wanting to make this just a "sissy" blog, focusing on what it's like to be a married sissy-wife to a somewhat dominant woman.  I also wanted it to have different sections that might serve as resources to other submissives and even Dominants because we can all learn from one another. But with Diane's interest in Brian, and her becoming more active in cuckolding me again, I've decided to include a few of my favorite cuckold blogs on a separate blog list.

You'll find the list on the right hand side of the blog right beneath my followers.  I've only listed three so far, but they're what I consider to be the BEST OF THE BEST!  In my opinion, each blog presents cuckolding in a very different lights and most importantly are real life situations.  Mrs. Kelly's Playhouse, All Mine & Fetish Furniture Factory are blogs I've discovered that have become daily reads for me. 

I'll add more I'm sure, but for now, these three have given me plenty to think about. 

Hope everyone is having a happy sissy Sunday! 

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Staying Sissy Smooth

The slave contract I entered into with Diane eleven years ago included a clause that I was to keep my underarms smooth all the time, and my legs and chest smooth during the winter months.  We agreed that it was one way to be discreet about my feminization and not raise any eyebrows or unnecessary questions from friends, family, etc.  So much has changed since then. 

Five years ago we took a two week vacation to the Caribbean.  We flew to Florida and stayed a couple of nights in Ft. Lauderdale on the beach.  This was during January and I was as smooth as a baby.  While there, Diane had arranged for her sister Denise and her husband Bob to come visit us.  They lived a couple of hours away and met us at the resort we were staying at and we later went out to dinner with them.  I was very nervous because it would be the first time someone we knew would see me with my smooth legs.

I remember Diane being somewhat empathetic with my concerns but saying that sooner or later, it was something I should get used to.  She also said that they may not even noticed.  The day and evening went by and no one said anything, but I couldn't help but think that they noticed my hairless legs and chest. 

Diane was right though.  I have gotten used to it.  A couple of years ago, Diane decided that she wanted me smooth all the time.  I have a little bit of pubic hair, but other than that and the hair on my head, I am a silky smooth sissy.  I have to agree with her that it's not very sexy looking to see a pretty brassiere on someone with hair on their chest.  It also makes me feel so much more feminine whenever I slip into my bra, panties, hosiery or any other  piece of female clothing. 

Keeping myself that way is important.  Diane isn't happy when she feels or sees the slightest hint of hair on my legs, chest, or underarms.  It's also a constant reminder of who I am and the role I play in our marriage.
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Sissy Shopping

The emergence of the internet in the 1990's changed everything when it came to shopping for sissies.  Unless you had a supportive, understanding or Dominant wife, you were left to your own devices to find ways to buy those favorite panties and other unmentionables.  While the old Sears Catalog had been around for quite some time, catalogs really came into their own in the 1980's and before the internet became prevalent, they represented the other big step making "sissy shopping" a bit easier. 

I've begun a list of some of my favorite online shopping sites and you'll see it on the left-hand side of the blog just below my sissy blog list.  I've called it "let's go shopping" and hope that it turns into a good resource for those who stop by here to read the blog.  If you have any suggestions or recommendations, by all means send me a message and I'll be glad to check it out and make additions to the list. 

Live shopping has always carried with it an element of excitement that's missing when you're ordering something online or from a catalog.  When I first started shopping alone I went out of my way to make it seem like I was shopping for my wife or girlfriend.  How stupid I must have looked to the saleswomen who were there to help.  I'm sure most of the time they could see right through my charade and had assisted many other men looking for their favorite lingerie.  I'd love to be able to sit down with some of those saleswomen and listen to some of their stories.  It would certainly be so much fun!

There were, and continue to be, many times where Diane takes a proactive role in my shopping.  She enjoys browsing in lingerie shops and making selections for me.  She's not shy at all about sharing my "secret" with the sales people if the opportunity arises.  As often as it's happened, I still get very anxious about it and can't help but blush with embarrassment when something is said or done that makes it clear the purchases are for me.  While you sort of get used to it, I don't think you can stop those feelings from coming to the surface. 
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Feminine Feelings & Desires

My feminine feelings and desires go well beyond my crossdressing urges.  Diane knows about my bisexuality as I admitted my desire to be with another man many years ago, even before I was with my first man.  My admission came about for a couple of reasons.  I wanted to be open and honest with her and most importantly, she would often tease me about it in some way when I was dressed or when I was playing the female role in our sex play. 

Once I told her, she asked me if I felt better about telling her.  I told her I was glad I did and hoped that it wouldn't change her love for me.  She reassured me that it wouldn't but also said that she "kind of"knew I had those urges all along.  She said she could tell just by the way I reacted to things she said and how she acted when she took the dominant and aggressive role with me, and how much I enjoyed strap-on play, particularly sucking on her make believe cock before she made love to me.

The discussion led to some "ground rules" about my playing with other men (and there haven't been many.  The rules were pretty simple.  I could only play with married men and there could be no anal sex.  We also agreed that like myself, they would have a high need for discretion, cleanliness and safety.  While she never met them, I would have to get her "approval" before meeting them, giving her whatever details I had about them.  So far it's worked very well even though I haven't been with a man in nearly a year.  The last man I had "an affair" with retired and moved away.  I'm picky, and haven't found anyone since.

This brings me to one of the moods I'm in today.  I feel overly feminine.  I got all dressed today with wig, makeup, heels, etc.  All day, I was craving cock.  I wanted to be on my knees in front of a man.  I wanted to look up into his eyes and beg for his cock.  I wanted him to make me beg.  I wanted him to tease me with his cock, slap my face with it, run his cock's head over my lips, over my eyes, nose and entire face.  When he finally let me put his cock into my mouth, I wanted him to fuck my face hard, make me gag, see the saliva dribble down my chin, call me names and shove his cock deep down my throat.

When he was ready and had fucked my face enough, I wanted him to splatter his cum all over my face and into my mouth.  I wanted to look up at him with my face covered with his juices, marked like his sissy bitch.  He might even scoop up the cum with his fingers and feed it to me. 

I would be there for his satisfaction.  There would be no sexual release for me, but my feminine needs and desires would have been met. 
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Pre-Cuckolding Correspondence?

Last week my wife Diane got an email from her old friend Brian asking if she would like to do lunch in the next couple of weeks when he's in town.  The invitation came about as a result of their meeting at a wedding we attended a two weekends ago. 

In a move I consider to be a form of cuckold teasing, Diane told me about the email (which I wrote about in this post) and forwarded it to me, saying that she wanted my opinion on it.  Here's what I received:

As discussed.  Be prepared to share your thoughts 
It was awesome seeing you on Saturday night and even more fun dancing together ;)  I have to admit you look great, prettier than the bride actually!  It was nice to talk about old times together and reminisce.  I'd love to see you again and was wondering if you might be interested in doing lunch when I'm in town.  I get there fairly often and can move my schedule around pretty easily.  I could carve out some extra time during the day to spend some time together. 
Again, I really enjoyed seeing you and being able to talk with you on Saturday.  Can't wait to hear from you!
 With Warmest Regards,
I expected Diane to want to talk about the email on Friday night when she got home from the office but she didn't.  She didn't bring it up at all this weekend and I finally brought up the subject last night while she was on her laptop.  She said she was busy and that we could talk about it on Monday or Tuesday.  Before I could ask her if she'd already answered him she volunteered the information herself,  saying that she accepted his invitation and it looked like they would be having lunch the week after next, possibly sooner.  She was in one of those moods where it was best to let her be.  She'd talk more about it when she was ready. 

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, Diane said it was going to be a long and busy week for her and needed some "attention" before bedtime to relax.  I obliged, attending to her lovely pussy until she came twice.  When her orgasms had subsided she turned to me and asked "How about my little wife? Would she like some attention as well?"  "I would love that" I told her.

I got the strap-on and supplies, and within minutes she was standing by the edge of the bed sliding into me while I lay on my back with my legs over her shoulders.  She looked down at me and told me how cute I looked when I was getting fucked.  "You love it don't you?" she asked.  I did and told her so.  "Why don't you play with your little clitty while I fuck you" she said.  I obeyed.

I had just started stroking myself when Diane said "I bet you'd like me to fuck you in front of Brian wouldn't you?  Show him what a sissy you are."  I came within seconds.  It's a kinky fantasy and her words just sent me over the top.  As erotic as it sounds, I know I could never submit to that scenario.  Reality and fantasy are sometimes worlds apart, even though it seems like they move closer together.
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A Sissy's Feelings of Shame, Guilt & Humiliation

I was the youngest of three in my family, with my other two siblings being older sisters.  I don't attribute my fetish for crossdressing and other things feminine to the fact that I had two older sisters.  They, or my mother, never knowingly contributed to, or encouraged my fetish.  However, the fact that there were plenty of pretty panties, bra, slips and other feminine finery hanging around didn't hurt.

I remember the first time I had a full sexual reaction to a pair of my sister's panties.  It was wintertime and I was in the 4th grade.  There was something going on at school that my two sisters were involved in and my parents were there.  I was left behind because I had missed school that day with a cold but was feeling much better.  We lived in a very safe neighborhood and my parents let our next door neighbor, Mrs. B.,  know that I was alone.  She could check up on me if she wanted, but they told her I should be fine and asked if she could just call and see how I was doing.

After they left, I had the urge to go through both my sister's panty drawers.  They were in the 7th and 8th grade at the time and were just getting into girly things and developing an interest in boys.  I decided to try on one of my oldest sister's pink panties.  I remember how wonderful they felt and how hard my small penis got.

I remember taking out another pair of panties and a bra and laying on her bed, holding the bra and panties close to my lips and smelling them, fondling them and kissing them.  I suddenly felt a very different but warm feeling come over me and reached down between my legs and didn't realize what was happening.  I was in a strange state and for a brief moment had lost all control and oozed a milky fluid into her panties.  I was mortified and scared.

I hurriedly removed the panties and rushed to wash them as best I could.  I couldn't put them back into her drawer while wet so I wrapped them in a hand towel and hid them deep in my own closet.  I put the other two items away and made sure I tidied up her bed.  Just then, Mrs. B called to see how I was doing.  The phone scared the living hell out of me.  I told her I was fine and remember her saying "Are you sure, you sound like you just saw a ghost or something!"

To my knowledge, no one ever found out about that little incident.  I returned the panties a few days later and no one said a word.  What's most memorable about the incident was how shameful I felt after it happened.  I would do something similar many more times in my early years, teens, and even into adulthood.  Each time, there were feelings of shame, guilt and humiliation.

Today, thanks to coming to grips with who I am, along with the help of a loving, supportive and dominant wife, those feelings are a thing of the past.  I'm a very lucky sissy.
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A Shapely Sissy

Last year, Diane inserted a "weight clause" into our original slave contract.  Incidentally, since she never liked that name we are now going to be calling it the "Sissy Contract."  I'm not a big person and have always stayed in decent shape, but it was difficult to get down to the weight she assigned to me.  I'm 5'10" and with a medium frame.  Diane used one of these ideal body weight charts for men to determine the weight I should be assigned.  We used to make fun of those things, thinking that anyone who actually weighed that little would look anorexic!  I don't make fun of it anymore. 

There was even some discussion of whether or not we should use the female weight chart as a guide, or assigning me a weight in the "small frame" category for men.  Instead, the final weight range I was assigned was from 150 to 155 lbs. maximum.  From a health perspective, I can't argue with the results it's produced.  I feel better and all of my medical indicators are in perfect ranges. 

The changes haven't been just physical though.  The weight loss and constant attention to weight has made me feel more feminine.  I weigh myself everyday and find myself watching what I eat constantly.  When we're out with friends, there have been times where I've had to refuse deserts or other types of foods because I know it would put me over my assigned weight.  Most of the time, I have to put up with some teasing, listening to comments like "You're already so skinny" or, "You're worse than a broad."    On several occasions, one female friend of ours has said "You'll have to share your secrets with me, I don't know how you have so much willpower."  Think I should tell her about the sissy contract?

This post was prompted by a little incident that happened last night.  Before dinner, Diane asked me what I weighed yesterday morning, adding that I felt a little "rubenesque" as she put her arms around my waist and kissed my neck as I got things ready.  I told her I was at 152.  I was marched to the scale, stripped down to just my panties and bra and told to step on the scale.  It read 153.  "Maybe you're just a little bloated." Diane said.  "Make sure you wear your Spanx this weekend."

We'll be going to dinner at some friends tonight.  Underneath my ugly male clothing, I'll be wearing the modern-day version of the old fashioned girdle.  Like those women of yesteryear, I'll be looking forward to getting home so that I can get out of my girdle.  I'm fine with it though. Diane could insist i wear a corset and I do want to be a shapely sissy for her.
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Another Cuckolding Discussion

Last night, Diane was in one of her more Dominantly amorous moods.  She wanted sexual relief and she wanted it in a specific way.  We made our way to the bedroom earlier than usual and I got into one of my prettier nighties in preparation to please her.  We don't have traditional male-female sex.  I pleasure her orally only, and she penetrates me anally when she so pleases.

This post isn't about the sex we had last night, although it does play an important part in setting the stage for the discussion that followed.  When I began pleasing Diane last night, I could tell that she was already highly aroused; if not physically, she was mentally into it already.  As a result, she achieved her first orgasm in not time and insisted on another.  The second came much quicker than her typical "follow-up" orgasms come.  Clearly, she was quite horny last night.

A few minutes later as we were relaxing (I still without relief) Diane mentioned that Brian, her old friend she had met and danced with at the wedding we went to last Saturday night, had emailed her and invited her to lunch some time next week.  The company he works for has an office in the city where Diane works and he could easily schedule some visits there she said.  Immediately, my mind played tricks with me as I connected her quick orgasms with the possibility she was fantasizing about Brian.

She teased me while asking "You wouldn't mind now would you?" in a rather joking and sarcastic tone.  Leaning over, she caressed my penis through the panties I had on.  "I'll send you the email tomorrow so you can read it.  I'd like your opinion on it" she said.

I asked her why she needed my opinion.  "You know, tell me what you think.  Does it sound like more than just a lunch invitation?  Use some of your feminine insight and tell me how you would take it" she said. 

The more she talked, I got harder.  She continued to tease.  As aroused as I got, part of me is afraid of moving forward.  I suppose it is a natural reaction.  Just like the reaction I had to her teasing me and fondling my cock.   Eventually, I came in my panties and had to change them.
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Wearing a Bra - A Femine Feeling

For most sissies, I think their first fascination with crossdressing involves panties. Panties are also probably the most popular item that helps symbolize or reinforce a Femdom/sub sissy male relationship.   Phrases like "She keeps me in panties 24/7..." are very popular when people describe such things. 

I'm no different.  I owned many pairs of panties before I got my own bra, and that bra was"outnumbered" by the various styles of panties I  had for many, many years.  As my cd fetish and submission to Diane evolved into a lifestyle, more bras were added and I was made to wear them more often. 

Today, they are part of my everyday wear.  This morning while getting dressed, I thought about the first time I wore one, and how difficult it was to put on.  That first time, I was alone and just couldn't get the darned thing hooked in the back.  I finally decided to hook it together before putting it on and slid it over my head and shoulders and finally got it adjusted correctly.  My struggle that day was far from feminine in appearance!

Fast forward to when Diane became more "interested" in what I was wearing and the brassiere became a required piece of clothing for me.  When that time came, I was not much more skilled at putting this lovely piece of women's wear on.  The solution:  Practice, practice, practice.  One evening, in the middle of our living room, Diane made me stand in front of her with several different bras and made me practice putting them on like a woman would.  I struggled immensely and my frustrations showed. 

Diane would just giggle and tell me to start over.  Once I would get one bra "hooked on" I was given another to try.  This went on for hours, until I got it just right.  I got the hang of it and by the end of the practice session, was slipping the bras on just like a woman.

This morning as I slipped on the bra I'm wearing while looking in the mirror, I realized just how feminine I look while doing it.  It's all the result of that initial practice session, and all the practice I've gotten since then.

kisses....sissy terri
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