A Sissy's Musings

i really want to thank everyone who's left comments here, sent me emails, become a follower of this blog or my tumblr blog for their interest as well as their support since i began this little venture of mine.  i have to admit that there have been some difficult days as i struggle with what lies ahead and what it means for my relationship with Diane.  Throughout it all, She's always expressed Her love for me and kept telling me that She always wants me to be a part of Her life.

The two blogs have helped me to express myself in somewhat of a private yet public way.  i can retain some anonymity while at the same time share my feelings with a growing number of friends.  In some ways i wish the blog was more interactive.  Some posts get more comments than others and that's certainly understandable.  i write what i feel and sometimes about things that interest me.  Naturally, those things aren't always going to be topics that interest all of my readers, so comments tend to vary.  But do know that i love it when you comment.

i also made the decision soon after i started these two blogs that i would leave out material that was in my opinion of an overly explicit sexual nature.  i do enjoy all of those things (yes, i do have a very kinky side) very much but i didn't want that to "take over" the blog and hide my attempts to share my inner feelings and emotions. 

i am happy to be blogging again.  i think i'm finding a balance; not worrying about blogging every day and taking several days off if i have to or just can't get to it.  i've adapted real well to being a housewife for Diane.  A couple of day's ago She said that this was the easiest and happiest holiday season She's had in years.  "It's all because of you" She added and gave me a passionate kiss.

The kissing continued upstairs in our bedroom.  i kissed Her all over and when She was satisfied several times, i was told to get Her strap-on.  As She made love to me, i thought about Her and Brian.  Especially how he had and would once again be making love to Diane in the same bed, in the same way as She was making love to me.  It's one of the main reasons She's so happy this holiday seasons, but one of the things i continue to struggle with. 
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Sissies and Bows

Just about every piece of lingerie i've ever seen has a certain feminine look about it.  i guess much of that femininity is in the eye of the beholder, influenced by some psycho-sexual drive that's been in them since they were so very young.  However, most panties, bras, stockings, teddies can always enhance their "femme appeal" with a little lace here and there, a row or two of ruffles or in the case of this sissy, a properly positioned bow.

Bows, especially on a pair of panties really make me swoon.  i thought about that last night after getting a red matching bra and panty set from Diane for Christmas that had two pretty little bows on the panty front and a similar one on the bra right between the two cups.  So very ladylike.

So this morning, i put together a little collection of panties with bows.  All of these would look perfect in my panty drawer.  They'd feel even better on my bottom!

Bows just make me feel special i guess, like i'm all wrapped up...just like a gift for someone :)
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A Merry & Sissy Christmas

Wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas!!!!
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Housewives at Christmas

We're headed to a neighbor's house tonight for a very informal holiday gathering.  One of the hosts (the husband) is a pretty talented piano player and there's always plenty of caroling.  Although, after a few cocktails i don't think anyone cares how good (or bad) they sound. 

Every year Diane brings boxes of home baked cookies for everyone.  They're always a hit (or so people say after they bring them home to share with their families or eat them all themselves.  We're still bringing the cookies this year except that this time,  i did the baking.  Under Diane's sometimes watchful eye and in my apron, i baked dozens and dozens of Her signature holiday cookies.

She did leave me unattended while She took a call from Brian around mid-afternoon.  i cringed a little when i heard Her tell Brian "Oh, she's baking cookies" then chuckle a bit.  i assumed he must have asked Her what i was up to.  The subject quickly changed to when they might get together again considering holiday schedules are difficult and he's going away for several days.

The exchange left me a little anxious again.  It was more evidence about just how much Diane has shared with Brian about my submission to Her and the role i play in our relationship.

i suppose the role wouldn't be that unusual for a dutiful housewife around the holidays.  Other than the embarrassment i experience at times, it doesn't feel unusual for me at all.
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A Happy Sissy

At last night's party (where everyone seem to have a very good time) whenever Diane introduced me to guests i hadn't met before or hadn't seen in a long time, She never failed to point out that i was the one who "did all the work for the party, including cleaning the house and doing all the decorating.  i didn't have to lift a finger."  Sometimes She would add how nice it was to have a stay-at-home husband to do all these things.

As the evening went on, i realized how happy She was and when it came to the party preparations i had done, She seemed very proud of me.  It was more than Her just enjoying Her dominant role in our relationship and taking advantage of my submission.  Instead, i really felt Her happiness with me, with who i was and what i can provide for Her.

The house did look beautiful and i worked very hard to make sure everything was just so.  We received so many compliments.  Even though we did have a caterer prepare much of the food, there were some things i prepared myself and enjoyed the compliments that came my way.

When everyone had gone home i was ready to start cleaning up but instead Diane told me to let it wait until this morning.  "You did a wonderful job!" She told me and gave me a lovely kiss.  We went upstairs and She asked me if i was too tired to worship Her.  It's usually not asked of me, rather i just do what i'm told.  "i'm never too tired for You" i told Her.  She had a wonderful orgasm and promised me i'd have my turn sometime today.

As i look back it was a very satisfying evening for me.  i made Diane happy and enjoyed myself in the process.  i'm still anxious about the New Year and how things are going to go with Brian, but things like this help make it a little bit easier.
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A Housewife's Holiday Duties

Holidays can be fun but it seems like every year we find ourselves rushing around at the last minute, despite our earlier promises to avoid all the commercialism and craziness. 

This year, it's been my job to coordinate everything to do with the holidays.  This includes most all of the shopping for gifts, responding to party invitations, decorating the house and getting ready for the party we are hosting here at our home tonight.  "It's what stay at home housewives do" Diane insists.

The fact that She's entrusted me with all this work makes me feel very special in some ways.  It's quite a bit of work and She's checked in with me regularly on my progress.  I've only had to return and exchange a few of the gifts I bought and so far, Diane's been quite pleased with what i've accomplished. 

Tonight's the big event though.  We'll have about 50 people attending the party.  Some of our friends and some of Diane's co-workers.  One of the guests will be Her friend Linda.  Linda knows about Diane and Brian and just recently, Diane's shared more information about our lifestyle with Her.  Diane said Linda suspected all along that i was submissive and i think She's right.  It's still difficult for that "secret" to be out. 

i'm happy to be blogging again but finding it a little more difficult to share all the emotions i feel and the anxiety over what's around the corner with Brian.  Fantasies are crafted in one's mind over a long period of time and conveniently never deal with realities.  i'll be facing those realities soon and it's difficult.

For now, i'm enjoying being me:  A married sissy, submissive to my Wife and happy.  i hope Her happiness will be enough to keep me happy in the coming months. 
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So Sorry

i want to apologize for being away from blogging for so long.  The "sissy funk" i referred to in my last post continued and with that, Diane's cuckolding of me with Brian intensified. 

In the last month since i've posted, Diane has shared more information about our relationship with Brian.  He now knows that i know about their affair, about my submission to Diane, my feminization, and Her desire to make my cuckolding more open to him. 

His reaction?  Shock at first, followed by plenty of questions, a little confusion and finally an interest to give it a try.

That's where we are now.  Brian comes to our home once per week and i'm not present when he's here.  That's going to change in January.  He's going to see me dressed and make love to Diane while i am at home.

i'm nervous and Diane's excited.  She assures me things will be fine and that deep down, it's what i really want and need.

Thanks to everyone for their comments.  They make me smile.

i'll do my best to post more often.

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My Sissy Emotions

i want everyone to know that I'm fine.  Funny how you can make friends through this relatively anonymous phenomenon we call blogging.  i haven't posted in a little over two weeks and i've received five emails from blogger friends (all but one of them a submissive sissy like myself) asking if i was okay.  It's quite touching and heartwarming to be totally honest with you.

i've been in some sort of funk.  Diane calls it a "sissy funk" most of the time but She's also said it's my feminine hormones taking over.  No, i'm not taking anything but She tells me that's it's totally understandable that the more i behave and adopt traditional feminine roles and behaviors, the female hormones that do exist in me will become more dominant.

my affair with Jake seems like it could be over.  i wrote last time about how i thought Jake might be headed to one of those "valleys" he referred to at the outset of our relationship.  His bi urges seemed to come in peaks and valleys he said.  But soon after i posted two weeks ago, he called me to say that he thought his wife was getting suspicious, asking him some odd questions.  He felt she might be thinking he was messing around on her and thought it was a good idea to cool it for awhile.  I heard from him a couple times on email since then and saw him at the gym once, but it's been about 10 days since we've communicated.  i understand, but can't help feeling he's just plain lost interest in me.

On the other hand, Diane and Brian see each other very regularly.  Somehow, Brian's been able to arrange his schedule to be in our city at least one night per week over the last month, sometimes two.  Diane's been telling him more and more about my submission to Her.  She tells me that he's fascinated by it and seems turned on that he's her "alpha" lover.  That's the term i'm using not his.  Diane tells me She's very confident now that it's only a matter of time before he "knows everything" and that i'll be cuckolded in their presence.  It's something i fantasize but am also anxious about.

Through all this, Diane's been very understanding and supportive of my feelings.  It seems like when i'm feeling very low, at my lowest points for example, She uses that as an opportunity to exert more dominance over me and exaggerate my femininity.

In those instances, usually after i've completed some humiliating task while dressed in a very sissy-like outfit, we sit and talk about where we are in our marriage and whether or not we're happy with where it's headed.  In spite of the emotional roller coaster i've experienced of late, i have to admit i want it to continue.  Diane insists that "turning back now would be a big mistake."  i have to agree with Her.

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A Sissy's Slow Week

i didn't get to see Jake this week which was very disappointing.  i had to travel on Tuesday and Wednesday which i didn't think would matter because we were supposed to get together Thursday, but he cancelled.  i also haven't heard from him since which makes it even a little harder to deal with.  i get a little paranoid that something like this could mean that he's losing interest.

When i'm with Jake, there's never any indication that there's a loss of interest, but i keep remembering something that he told me when we first me.  i'm paraphrasing here but what he said was that his bisexual urges came in waves of interest.  They'd peak and he'd become incredibly horny and wanting nothing more than having a man suck his cock and those peaks would be followed by valleys where he wasn't that interested.  i used to be somewhat like that, but now i want it on a more regular basis.  i'm worried that Jake is headed into one of those valleys right now.  i hope not.

Conveniently while i was away, Diane saw Brian here in our home on Tuesday night.  They made love in our bed, and i had to change the sheets when i got home.  Diane left me a note that said "Be a good girl and change the sheets when you get in.  Love, D."  The not was strategically placed near what was clearly a visible spot of their juices on the sheet.

Part of me was glad i was away while their lovemaking took place, but there's still that part of me that wants to be there, my submissive sissy self on full display in front of my wife's lover Brian.

While Diane's teasing of my being her cuckold is relatively routine, it's also taken a different turn.  She's now saying things to me that I'm not sure She's shared with Brian and when i ask Her, i don't always get a straight answer.  She's told him about Her dominance over me, but i'm not sure to what extent.  Here's an example - Last night at dinner She said that when She told Brian that i'd be changing the sheets on the bed when i got home, he got a real kick out of it!  When i asked Her if She really told him that, she just giggled and refused to answer directly.  "You'll just have to wonder and maybe you'll find out soon enough" was all She said.

Later, She got a call from Brian on Her cell phone and moments later, went to sit outside on the patio to finish Her discussion.  That was very unusual.  They talked for nearly a half hour.

Not long after Her phone call, i was made to lick Her to an orgasm.  It wasn't a long licking.  She was already aroused and wet when i began to worship Her.  It must have been an exciting phone call.    When She was pleased, i was allowed to sissy masturbate myself.  That didn't take long either!
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The Need to be a Wife

i haven't been able to see Jake at all this past week and similarly, Diane hasn't been able to get together with Brian.  The timing of these things has been kind of nice, setting us back several months to the times when we were without other people in our lives.  i've spent the last week focused almost entirely on my role as Diane's submissive wife.  i've enjoyed it very much.

The most difficult part for me this past week has been dealing with the reality that Diane misses being with Brian far more than i miss being with Jake.  At least that is the feeling i get.  i don't think that She misses him from an emotional standpoint, like She's deeply in love with him and can't live without him.  She misses the sex.  The sex with a strong, masculine man who enjoys being in charge.

Yes, she loves the benefits that come with having a submissive husband that She can use any way She wants to.  But by the same token, she loves having a lover that gives Her what i just cannot.

As for me, while i miss Jake i also realized that my bisexuality is something that has peaks and valleys of desire.  There are times when i want Jake's cock and his manly touch as much as anything.  There are other times when that sexual craving just isn't as strong.  Yet with Diane, her "valleys" of desire for Brian and what he provides don't seem to come as often.

Diane has spoken with Brian though and She tells me She's begun to hint about our relationship (telling him about Her dominance over me).  She's seeing him later this week and i'm supposed to see Jake.  i'll be glad to see him but my mind will be on what's taking place with Briand and DIane.  How much will She share with him and how will he react?

Thanks for listening.  As much as i enjoy being with Jake, being Diane's wife is a far greater need of mine.

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Still Her Sissy Wife

"I'm happy for you" Diane said as we sat down for the dinner i had prepared for her last night.  She was referring to my meeting Jake and how things seemed to be going so well.  She had just asked me when i would be seeing him next and i had told Her that our plan was to try to get together on Monday.

It seems like even though we still have plenty of intimacy with one another, albeit not the type a traditional marriage would have, that we are sort of leading parallel lives.  She has Her thing with Brian, and i have my thing with Jake.

i thanked Her for the comment as i took off my apron and got ready to take my place at the dining room table.  "I'd prefer you keep the apron on" Diane said, "it looks  nice on you."  i returned to the kitchen and put it back on and then sat down to enjoy dinner.

There was a long period of silence, though it didn't seem necessarily awkward, until i asked Her when She was seeing Brian next.  "Not until next week at the earliest" She said, answering as if i had interrupted some sort of deep thought process She was going through.  It was evident that i had, as the next words out of Her mouth were "I was just thinking..."

She proceeded to let me in on some of the things She had been discussing with Brian, and Her plans to "somehow introduce cuckolding into our mix."  Basically, Diane's continued to drop some hints to Brian about cuckolding, although She wasn't very specific about them other than to say he gets turned on knowing he's "fucking another man's wife."

"You know, the more I think about it the more I'm convinced that the best way to segue into the cuckolding conversation with him is to let him know that I'm dominant in our relationship" She said.  i was very surprised but not shocked.  After all, if full fledged in person cuckolding were to take place, my submission to Diane would become readily apparent.  "You know, let him know that I wear the pants in the house, not you.  I think it would lay a good foundation to move forward and remove some fears he might have of rocking the boat."

While we talked about it for just a little while longer, She didn't directly ask for my opinion.  She knows it's something i want, but understands that i'm very apprehensive about moving forward.  She did listen to me and i appreciated that.  i doubt very much that Diane won't follow through with this.  It may take Her longer than She'd like, but eventually i know She's going to bring it up to Brian.

Later as i cleared the dishes and cleaned up in the kitchen while still in my apron, Diane thanked me for a wonderful dinner.  Before She left to go into our living room She gave me a peck on the cheek and said "I know you're having a wonderful time with Jake and enjoying yourself.  I am happy for you.  But don't forget that you're still my sissy wife.  Your wifely duties to me come first, and the always will."

It was a less-than-subtle reminder, and it was nice to hear. 
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Sharing Fantasies

It's taken a little time but both Jake and i seem to be more comfortable with sharing some of our kinkier fantasies with each other.  i suppose once a man takes another anally, and similarly once you've given yourself up that way to another man, you don't feel like you've got much to hide.

Yesterday i was on the phone with Jake and we both got each other aroused.  i was telling him how i wished i could be kneeling in front of him with his cock in my mouth and he told me how much he loved it when i did that.  "I love it when you look up at me when you suck me" he said "and when our eyes meet as I'm looking down at you.  Just thinking about it has me real hard.'  i could only let out a sigh of frustration, indicating that i wanted nothing more than to be doing that very thing.

"You know what else i'd like?" he asked.

"Please tell me" i answered him, almost begging.

"Well, you know when I'm laying back on the bed and you're between my legs licking my balls and cock?" he asked me.

"Yes..." i said in anticipation of what was to follow."

"Well....I really love the way you use your tongue on my balls and..." there was a hesitation here, as if he was a little inhibited about what he was going to ask me.  "Well, I'd love it if you'd rim me and lick my ass."

I didn't want to hesitate, for fear that he'd misinterpret it as reluctance on my part.  "Jake, i'd absolutely LOVE to do that for you!" i said like a giddy little girl.

"Really?  You'd like to rim me?  Lick my ass?" he asked.

"God yes.  It's one of my biggest fantasies" I told him.

We both laughed. It was one of his fantasies and one of mine, yet it took this long for us to share it.

"I still want you to start with my cock and balls though" he joked "so that I can see those pretty eyes of yours.  Then when I'm ready, I'll tell you to slide that tongue of yours down to my ass."
We talked a little while longer but he had to run.  If the conversation had continued, i'm sure more fantasies would have have been brought up.  We promised to be more open about such things from now on.

i can't wait to see him again.  i want to please him, and fulfill his fantasy. 
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Just Like a Woman - My First Time

i got to meet with Jake this week (at his place no less) and it was an intensely sensual and pleasurable meeting.  Jake's wife was gone for a few days staying with her mother and he had the whole house to himself.  There was something very naughty about him taking me into the master bedroom and telling me i was going to be his "wife for the day."

The deep purple short nightgown he bought me as a surprise got me hard instantly.  Jake joked that i certainly didn't look very feminine with my little erection and suggested i do my best to hide it.  It was difficult, but i tucked it between my legs for him while modeling the nightie and he got a laugh out of that.  The black lace on the gown made me feel more sexy than sissy-like and i think Jake felt the same way.  i was soon on my back on the big bed with  my smooth legs wrapped around him as he lay on top of me.  i was swooning and wanted him.

Jake was as hard as i'd ever seen or felt him.  i wanted him in my mouth, but part of me wanted him inside of me even more.  He could tell and said "Do you think you're ready?"  As much as i had been thinking about this moment, it was another one of those things that caught me by surprise.  i wasn't sure what to say and i think he was uncomfortable with the silence and finally told me it was fine if i didn't want to.   But i did want to.

"Can we try?" i asked him.

"Of course.  We can stop anytime" he said as he lay on top of me and stroked my thighs, "just say so."

Well, after plenty of foreplay (really the best part), a large amount of lube, some discomfort, and plenty of tenderness and understanding on Jake's part, i took his beautiful cock in my bottom.

It took awhile before he entered me fully.  In fact, he let me control how deep he went, instructing me to back onto his cock when i felt comfortable enough.  i was on all fours on the bed and i just loved feeling the tip of his cock pressed up against me.  The most difficult part, much like taking Diane's strap-on, was the initial penetration.  i relaxed after awhile and enjoyed it immensely.

Jake used a condom of course, but knowing he came from making love to me that way drove me wild and i had an ograsm of my own, without even touching my own penis.  i felt like i had an orgasm "just like a woman."  In fact, those are the terms Jake used when he told me i was cumming "just like a woman."

When it was all over, i felt different and still do.  It's hard to explain exactly how i feel different.  Part of it is as if i've taken a huge step towards becoming more like a woman, while still retaining my physical masculinity.  There's a huge emotional component to it also.  i seem to feel an inner glow that's difficult to explain, a feeling of fulfillment.  i can't wait to do it again.
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Still Here, and Very Feminine

It certainly has been a long time between posts, with plenty going on to keep me busy, but also a few things that have toyed with my emotions.  

First, while we were on Long Island last weekend attending a wedding, Diane revealed exactly what the "special reward" She had in mind for me that i wrote about in my last post, "The Good Little Housewife."  i had thought about several things that i would enjoy but wasn't prepared for what She told me.  We were in our hotel room after the wedding reception and Diane had me pleasuring Her orally.  After Her orgasm, during our "cuddle time" She asked me if i was ready to hear about the surprise She had planned for me.  i told Her i was.

From the tone of Her question, i immediately sensed that it wasn't going to be something easy for me.  i was right.

"I think Brian's ready" She said.  There was a silent pause that seemed to last forever.  It hit me that the comment could only mean one thing.  "Ready?" i asked.  "i'm not totally sure what You mean."

"I intend on letting him in on our little secret; about you being my loving and accepting cuckold.  It would make things so much easier.  I've dropped a couple of hints, very subtle.  I have a good feeling about it" She said.

i can't say i was totally shocked, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks.   There was more silence.  i was face-to-face with an upcoming reality which until now, had been a fantasy.  It's so different. 

"Well?  You're all right with it aren't you?" She asked me.

"i don't know" i answered honestly.  "i think so, but i'm not so sure."  i was just being honest and told Her so. 

"Let's sleep on it and we'll talk some more.  I think you're ready" She added.  Diane understands me and i know She wouldn't do anything to hurt me.  Also, She asked that i trust Her.  She's going to pop the question to Brian only when She feels very confident He's ready for it.  And, it would only move at the pace She wants.

It was a difficult thing to hear and think about.  It also came on the heels of a somewhat disappointing meeting with Jake on the previous Friday.  i had spent a good part of the morning getting ready for Jake, wearing something sexy and special for him.  Unfortunately, he was pressed for time.  It felt like he was in and out in no time.  I was quickly on my knees and sucking his cock.  I have no doubt he enjoyed it.  He came quickly and all over my face.  Just a few minutes later he was out the door.  i felt like a cheap little slut.  He apologized for having to leave so quickly. i told him i understood, but it still hurt.

So here i am, more than a week later and i'm feeling a little better about things.  Diane hasn't yet brought up the cuckolding issue to Brian, but all indications are that She will soon. 

In the meantime, i'm enjoying my feminine self and doing things like taking long and luxurious bubble baths.  It's a lovely way to spend some time deep in thought by yourself.  i love shaving my legs while in a bath overflowing with bubbles.  Maybe someday i'll get to take one with Jake. 

Diane's already told me that she and Brian have done something similar when they've been together in a hotel that had a big jacuzzi tub in the bathroom.

On another positive note, i'm seeing Jake again this week and he told me he intends on "making up" for the brevity of our last meeting.   That made me feel better.  He's also got a little gift for me he says, and he wants me to model it for him.  i can't wait. 

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The Good Little Housewife

"Aren't you the good little housewife?" Diane said to me the other night, her comments dripping with sensual and sarcastic domination.  i was wearing one of my prettiest aprons when she got home from work and had a lovely dinner all prepared for the two of us.

It was sort of a special occasion, a corny anniversary of sorts.  Not a wedding anniversary but a date that we've always remembered for romantic reasons.  Just because things have changed so much for us was no reason to stop our little tradition.  Diane was glad i remembered, and i was happy She was pleased. 

Although i did all the preparation and serving of the dinner, when we sat down and toasted with a glass of Her favorite wine, i almost felt like Her equal as opposed to Her submissive.  Even though i was dressed in a very pretty housewife-like  print dress with a pearl necklace and matching earrings, we talked intimately and enjoyed dinner very much. 

Diane seemed to enjoy the dinner so much She even told me She felt guilty about not having lifted a finger to assist in its preparation and volunteered to help clean up.  I refused Her help and told Her to just relax and i would join Her soon.  "That's the good little housewife in you" She said and after pausing added "that I love so much."  She just smiled and went into the living room to finish her second glass of wine.  She made a couple of calls on Her cell while She was there, but i couldn't really make out who they were to.  One of them could of been Brian but i just couldn't be sure.

i joined Her later and sat next to Her on the sofa.  She reached over and kissed me softly and it felt so nice.  "I really don't know how to reward you for such a wonderful dinner and evening" She told me, "everything was absolutely delicious and just right."  i told Her there was no need to repay me at all, just to continue loving me.  "I'll always love you.  You'll never have to worry about that."  It was beautiful the way She said it.

"But I do need to reward my good little housewife in a special way.  I want to do something special for you, something very, very significant" She said as She smiled at me.  "Would you like that?"

i told Her i would love anything She would do for me.  "I know you would sweetheart" She said.

Somehow, i think She knows exactly what that special reward is, but isn't prepared to share it with me. 

On another note, i haven't been able to blog much lately because of my consulting job.  It got busier than anticipated and the next few months are going to be the same.  i'm making more money than i thought i would and as promised, it is turned over to Diane and i'm given an allowance.  It's a pretty generous allowance, but the fact that i turn it over to Her makes me feel more submissive.

i am seeing Jake tomorrow here at our house. He doesn't have much time but i want to see him very much.  i don't like being rushed but it's either that or not see him until next week or the week after.  i'm going to do my best to look as feminine as possible for his arrival and do my best to please him. 

Diane is working tomorrow morning and we leave in the afternoon to fly to New York for a wedding on Long Island Saturday.  We're also going with Diane's friend Linda and her husband.  It's a funny feeling, especially that Linda now knows that i know that Diane is having an affair with Brian.  She knows i'm a cuckold, just not the whole extent of it. 
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One of the "girls"

i haven't been able to post for several days because i've been busy dealing with a family issue out of town.  Diane was also here for a couple of days and things are slowly getting back to normal.  i'd like to get back to posting on a more regular basis pretty soon.

Last night as i lay in bed i got to thinking about what it would be like to just be "one of the girls."  You know, do girlish type things and get into 'girl talk' type conversations.  Unlikely something like that is going to happen with real women, but it might be fun trying to meet other men with similar fantasies to my own.  God knows they're out there!!!!!

i love being with Dominants like Diane and Jake, but sometimes fantasize about just being myself with another sissy; a married sissy that would be willing to share their thoughts, experiences, insights and feminine feelings.  Even better, maybe a group of married sissies!
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"Marking" a Sissy

This is going to be a very unusual post for me.  With few exceptions, my posts typically avoid graphic sex scenes, explanations or accompanying pictures.  i've always tried to focus on my inner feelings, attempting to express what's going through my mind and how my relationship with Diane affects our lives.

This break from routine is a result of my meeting with Jake yesterday.  We hadn't seen each other in awhile and even thought there wasn't a tremendous amount of pre-meeting planning, it was clear from the time we saw each other that we were both very horny.  i was aching to suck his cock and he was looking to be pleased by me.

i dressed in a short red nightie and some black heels after his phone call that instructed me to wear something sexy.  i told hime that the front door would be unlocked and to come right in and lock it behind him and come upstairs to one of the guest bedrooms where i would be waiting for him.  When i heard the front door open, i decided to stand in what i thought was a seductive pose at the head of the stairs.  My sissy penis was already "tenting" the nightie with excitement.  i also had my dirty blonde wig on and a light touch of makeup.

When Jake got upstairs, he didn't even wait until we got to the bedroom.  Right there in the hallway, he forced me down to my knees and immediately took out his cock, rubbing it all over my face.  i was ordered to keep my mouth closed until he told me otherwise.  He continued to rub his cock all over me as it got bigger and bigger.

Then, he turned very, very dominant.  More dominant than he's ever been with me.

He slapped me with his hard cock.  Hard.  Real hard.  It hurt.

"You're going to suck me like a good girl" he said, "and when I'm ready I'm going to officially mark you as my sissy."

The words almost made me cum.  If i had been stroking myself, i'm sure i would have.  "....officially mark you as my sissy.."  i loved it.

"Now suck me" he ordered, and i obeyed.  i'd never felt more submissive, sexy or feminine.  All i wanted to do was please him.  i felt like his sissy, his slave, his bitch.  i couldn't wait for him to cum.  He talked dirty to me.  He held my head in place.  He pumped back and forth and there were several times that he made me gag.  i loved it all.  Then he slowed down and told me what a good girl i was.

i knew he was going to cum soon and couldn't wait to feel his cum all over my face and to taste it.  He took his cock out of my mouth and told me to close my mouth and eyes.  I looked up at him, closed my eyes and obeyed, waiting for his warm manjuice.  He unloaded on me....big time.

Jake's given me facials before, but this one was the best.  When it was over, he told me not to move and keep my eyes closed.  He wanted to admire his handiwork.  Again, the feeling of his cum on my face, his 'official mark', was a feeling i will never, ever forget.

When i was told to open my eyes, Jake used his fingers to scoop up his sperm and feed it to me.  i licked his fingers eagerly, making sure i got every drop.  He called me "a hungry little girl."  i was, but i was horny as well.  He knew that.  When i was done, he let me masturbate in front of him....like a sissy.

i guess it's official now.  i belong to Diane, but i'm also marked as Jake's sissy. 
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Assisting with Phone Sex

It's been nearly two weeks since i saw Jake and a little less since Diane's seen Brian.  An odd situation isn't it?  A Dominant Wife is missing Her lover while Her submissive cuckold loving is missing her boyfriend.  Too bizarre for most people i would think.

i'm planning to see Jake on Friday and Diane is probably not going to see Brian until at least next week.  Even though they haven't seen one another, She still talks to him nearly every day and during some of those conversations, i'm expected to play the dutiful quiet cuckold and listen to one side of what is sometimes a very steamy conversation. 

Such a conversation took place last night after dinner.  Brian found himself alone and called Diane, who promptly told him She happened to be alone also; a cue that She was ready for some erotic talk.  A few hand signals from Her and i was kneeling between Her legs while She sat on the leather sofa in our den.  Another hand signal and i was in the linen closet down the hall getting a towel for Her to sit on after She removed her slacks, panties and knee high hosiery. 

i wasn't allowed to touch or kiss Her at first.  Instead, she talked with Brian while She used Her own fingers on Herself, something that drove me absolutely nuts.  When She was ready, She simply lifted one leg and put Her foot behind my head and pulled me closer until She could reach my head with Her hand and hold it against her very wet vagina. 

Between Brian's lusty comments, including some mild bondage and spanking fantasies where Diane submitted to him, and my licking Her, it didn't take long for Her to orgasm.  But She wanted more and held me in place; definitely a non-verbal command that i wasn't done and neither was She.  There were two more orgasms in rather rapid succession before i was dismissed. 

When it was over i thought about the conversation i had just heard between the two of them, and how certain things they talked about, and specific things that Brian said turned Diane on more than others.  Even though i could only hear portions of what Brian said, i did hear most of it and was easy to make out the conversation between that and Diane's own responses.

When you're close up like i was, it's easy to gauge the effect of certain things that were said on Diane.  Her moans, verbal responses, twitches and yes, most of all, how much wetter she got at times.  They were specific responses to the verbal stimuli Brian was providing.  Knowing that another man is physically pleasing your Wife like a real man should, and hearing how he can also verbally please Her is quite an experience.  i'd seen it before, but not as intense as last night. 

After Diane hung up, She asked "You like that didn't you?" 

i was hard, and the little bump in my panties was clear.  How could i deny it.  She knew i wanted to play with myself and let me masturbate like a sissy.  She let me cum on her pretty feet and made me clean it up telling me what a good sissy i was.  The submission was deep but as soon as i came, i felt like i did when i masturbated as a teenager with a pair of my sisters panties.  i felt like a freak of some sorts and so inferior.

Eventually i got over it.  i know i'm not a freak, but just a very submissive cuckold. 
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Cuckold Feelings

A man who's married to a dominant wife gets used to being submissive in a variety of ways.  In fantasy, those ways are all sexually related.  In real life, they're not.  You defer to the wife in virtually all things; financial decisions, decisions about the home, domestic tasks, etc.  i could go on and on.  It doesn't always start out that way but at least in my case as Diane became more dominant, She used that leverage so that She eventually had total control.  It's not always easy.

The tradeoff of course is the pleasure a submissive gets from being sexually submissive to his dominant wife.  When you discover those kinks, fetishes and fantasies with which you feel so comfortable, it's a special feeling.  i'm comfortable with myself, living as Diane's "wife" or sissy husband.  She enjoys it also.  But again, since Her pleasure is what is of utmost importance, this too is not always easy.

When FemDom in a marriage evolves and the next step involves cuckolding, the dynamic changes dramatically.  The first time i was a cuckold, i didn't even know about it.  Diane was just plain cheating on me.  We survived, and i'm glad we did.  This time, it's totally different in the i know all about Her relationship with Brian.  Brian just doesn't know that i know.  In some ways, Diane is using him just as much as some people here think She's using Her submissive husband.

i had a difficult week emotionally.  i'm not in depression or anything like that, but just the same i am struggling with how this has evolved.  i'm jealous of what Diane has with Brian.  She tells me it's Her way of being satisfied by a real man, even though She loves what a sissy like me can provide for Her.  While i'm jealous, i also want more.

i read some cuckold blogs where the submissive husband plays a much more active role in their wife's pleasure.  They aren't hidden away like a crazy uncle in the attic when visitors come over.  As much humiliation they endure it seems like in the end, they enjoy their roles.  i want that.  i am craving it right now.

i enjoyed another creampie from Diane this week.  This time, i waited patiently at home while She and Brian made love in a local hotel room.  Rather than have him come over, She said it wouldn't work and that he would have to get a room.  She also told him she couldn't spend the night.  She could have if She wanted to, but She said She wanted to be with me instead.

When She got home Wednesday night, She made me lick Her wet panties.  There was a trace of Brian's juices on the panties but not that much.  i got to taste more of it when i was made to clean Her.

i'm glad She spent the night with me and not because i got to clean  up another creampie.

i'm happy because She wanted to be there.  She had a choice of staying in Her lover's room and making love throughout the night.  Instead, She chose me:  Her sissy cuckold husband who would also make Her feel good, but in a totally different way.

It made me feel special and important.
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A Cuckold's First Creampie

i apologize for the brevity of this post.  It's short for a couple of reasons.  The first one is that i haven't totally organized my thoughts about this whole topic yet.  i felt many different emotions about what i did and they seem like they're all over the map.  We're also leaving in a few hours for the weekend and i've still got to get a few things ready before i leave to pick up Diane at Her office.  i may post more this weekend.

Anyway, i did it.  i came home to Diane after She had been with Brian for a few hours on Wednesday evening and was immediately "put to the test" as She put it.  In a rather unceremonious fashion, i was quickly ordered to strip down to just my panties and get between Diane's thighs and orally worship Her.

Brian had been gone awhile and the most recent sex they had was by Diane's estimation, "a little more than an hour ago", but the scent and taste of their sex was overwhelming.

i hesitated at first but Diane, who was more understanding that Dominant, encouraged me to take my time and "savor it."  "You'll feel more like a cuckold when you're through."

She was right.  And i pleased Her in the process as well.
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Deeper Cuckolding

A week between posts is a long time for me.  The combination of family commitments, things to do and my own difficulty in mentally processing everything i'd like to write about are the primary causes for the delay.  i'm just going to give it my best shot.

It's been about seven months since Diane reunited with Brian at a wedding we attended.  So much has happened since then.  Most of what's happened I know about, but not what Diane revealed to me this weekend.

As She was going through some office correspondence on Saturday morning and making notes, She nonchalantly said "Well, it looks as if you won't be buying me condoms anymore."  It was a confusing statement and my initial thought was that She and Brian had somehow broken up and She wouldn't be seeing him again.   Then realizing that if that had happened, i would have more than likely noticed a change in Her moods, i began to think a little differently.

Awkwardly, i asked Her what She meant.  Again, it was something that came out sounding stupid.

"You know how careful I am" She said.  "I've had extensive blood work done for both of us.  Brian is clean as a whistle.  I knew I was free of anything, but in all fairness, wanted to provide him with the same level of comfort."

i didn't know what to say and could feel myself blushing, but not in a good way.  i felt nervous, uneasy, unsure and emotional.  i stayed quiet and continued doing what i was doing.   The silence in the room was deafening.

"Cat got your tongue?" Diane asked me.  "Don't you have anything to say?"

Again i hesitated and said "i'm not sure what to say.  i want you to be happy and i'm sure you've thought this through."

"Of course I have" She told me, "But, I want you to be happy also.  I think you'll enjoy it as well, don't you?"

All of these questions that point out my submissiveness and sissy cuckold status are difficult to answer.  i know the answers but the words are difficult to say.  Speaking them in some ways is an admission of sorts, an admission of many things.

"i don't know.  If it makes You happy, i'll enjoy that" i told Her.

"Well, we're going to find out this week when Brian comes over for a few hours.  When I call you to come home, there will be a little something waiting for you between my legs" She said.

Brian comes over tonight.  i'm going to find ways to keep myself busy while waiting for Diane to call.  i wish i could be with Jake but that's not a possibility.  i'm very anxious about the whole thing and i'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill.  After all, i'm going to be doing what a countless number of other cuckolds do, and i bet many of them enjoy it. 

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Sex for Sissies

Last week i received the following message on my Tumblr Blog, A married sissy, from an anonymous follower:

"Hi, I read your blog regularly and really enjoy it I was wondering whether you think you might ever have 'normal straight sex' again? and If you miss it?"
Since i couldn't respond to the anonymous questioner privately, i suppose he or she expected a public answer on my tumblr. blog.  i've thought about it for several days because it's a very intimate and personal question and decided just this morning to answer it her, with a link to this post on the other blog as well.

i made the decision to post the answer this morning because coincidentally, Jake asked me a very similar question when we met for coffee this morning.  We got to talking about some pretty personal things, among them our sex lives with our wives when he asked how often i had sex with Diane, sex meaning regular male-female intercourse.  i feel bad because i lied to him.  i told him we had sex about once per week, sometimes more, sometimes less.  i also volunteered that i performed oral sex on her more often, since it was something she enjoyed, and that my estimate of regular sex once per week was probably a little on the high side.

Jake doesn't know that i'm a cuckold and that Diane gets her enjoyment of "normal straight sex" from her boyfriend Brian.  He also doesn't know that it's been a very long time since i've had this type of sex with Diane.

Before i answer the question, i want to tell you about something that happened about a month ago when i was pleasuring Diane.  She had just had a very powerful orgasm, one that was more intense than usual.  While between her thighs, i became very, very aroused at how excited she seemed; more aroused than usual.  As her orgasm began to subside, i had a strong urge to make love to her like a man does.  My penis was hard, stiff and felt larger than usual.  i wasn't about to force myself on her by any means but felt like gently inserting myself into her very, very well-lubricated vagina.  i got up from between her thighs, knelt between her legs and held my penis against her vaginal opening and looked at her with a smile.  Diane had other ideas....

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" she said with a grin of her own as she gently pushed me away, "What do you think you're doing?"

i really wanted her, if for no other reason than to feel the warmth of her vagina envelop my penis, knowing that her lover was there on a regular basis.  i stammered a bit and said "i just thought i could make love to you just a little."  It sounded so stupid after i said it.

"You know better than that" she said.  "Now be a good sissy and lick me again."

It made me even hornier.  i did lick her again, this time the orgasm taking a little longer but in the end, she seemed to enjoy it just as much.  As i licked her, i thought about how she had just dismissed me.  When her orgasm began, the humiliating manner in which she had  rebuked my efforts and told me to return to my licking duties was too much for me.  i came at the same time she did and messed the sheets of the bed.

Just a few moments later, after i submissively apologized for messing the sheets, she said "I don't know what's gotten into you.  All this aggression and lack of discipline.  Maybe you do need a chastity belt."  i don't think i'll end up in chastity because Diane thinks they're too much work and She hasn't expressed an interest in them.

As a sissy, i do get a fair amount of sex.  But the sex is always on Diane's terms, or when i'm with Jake, his terms. i provide them with sex and in turn, they also provide me with pleasure when they see fit.  i'm allowed to masturbate in front of them and with Diane, She sometimes enjoys stroking me softly until i cum.  i've also had orgasms while Diane takes me with Her strap-on, and those are very enjoyable.  That's the extent of sex for sissies, and it's probably as it should be.

Will i ever have "normal straight sex" again?  i don't think i will.  It might happen, but i think it's unlikely.

Do i miss it?  Yes, i do miss it.  However, i don't miss it nearly as much as i once did.  My needs to have "normal straight sex" seem to diminish the more i get into the married sissy lifestyle.

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Wifey Stuff

My part-time consulting commitment has been rather slow lately.  It should have given me more time to blog but it hasn't worked out that way.  A couple of other things came up this past week which kept me away from the computer.  And, my consulting thing is going to heat up in a couple of weeks when the next phase of the project starts.

In the meantime, Diane's kept me focused on more "wifey things" as She likes to call them.  The list of to-do's seems to get longer every day.  Our house looks spotless, with not one thing out of place.  Washing floors, walls, windows, and anything else you can think of that can be washed keeps it looking that way.  There's also plenty of reorganizing, filing, cleaning out the garage, etc.  It never seems to end. 

Since i'm dressed all the time when at home, all of the housework is done en-femme, which definitely puts me in the housewife mood, but doesn't take away from much of the drudgery.  i change into more suitable attire when i go out to run errands, only to get back into my women's clothing when i return home.

i made a couple trips to the dry cleaners this week to bring some clothes Diane took out of our large cedar closet that She plans on wearing this fall.  She would take them out and lay them on the bed before She left for work, telling me they were to be taken to the dry cleaners.  Yesterday, amid the half dozen or so items She left, was one of my maids uniforms that i hadn't worn in a while. 

"It could use a cleaning" She said.

It's a satiny black uniform, with a flared skirt edged with lacy ruffles.  There are also ruffles at the arms and neckline and a sewn in white ruffly bib front.  It clearly has the look of a costume more than a working maids outfit.  Someone seeing it would definitely know it wasn't meant for everyday maids work.

It was embarrassing to bring it to the dry cleaners.  The young girl (probably a high school aged teen working a summer job) smiled and said "Oh this is so cute" when she took it.  i had a nervous giggle and couldn't help blushing a little.  i wondered what she thought.  If she only knew what i was  wearing underneath my shorts and shirt!

Yesterday was also the start of my "period", two days earlier than i had planned.  The tampon and pad i were also set out by Diane yesterday morning.  Those two items are far more telling of my lifestyle and status than the  maids uniform i brought to the dry cleaners. 
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A Sissy Spanking

i had a wonderful afternoon with Jake on Friday.  It was the most relaxed we've been when together since we first met.  Trysts like ours (two married men getting together for sex) are usually accompanied with lots of anxiety and nervousness for obvious reasons.  It's also more difficult for the partner who's going to the other partner's home.  They can't experience the same level of security the other feels.  It's only natural.

Jake was here at our house on Friday afternoon.  His golf clubs for our Friday afternoon game never made it out of the trunk of his car.  Neither did mine.  Instead, we played other types of games.  Diane wasn't due home until around 7 PM and as the afternoon wore on, Jake seemed more and more comfortable.  He was more dominant as well.

Getting ready for his arrival had me in a high state of arousal.  i swear i came close to cumming just thinking about being feminine for him.  i wanted to surprise him , but couldn't decide what to wear to greet him.  i had bought a pretty powder blue babydoll set just like he wanted, but i didn't want to be wearing it right away.  Instead, i laid it out on the bed in a guest bedroom and thought i'd lead him by the hand into the bedroom and slip it on for him.

i changed into some cute white short shorts with pink panties underneath, a white bra and a sleeveless pink blouse.  i also wore a pair of heels, a cute faux pearl necklace, a short wig, light makeup and mascara and a hint of lip gloss. 

However, minutes before he was scheduled to arrive, i changed my mind!  i thought it over and felt he might be expecting me to be wearing the blue babydoll set, so i hurried to make the change.  i'm glad i did.

i answered the door wearing the babydoll pajamas, in heels, makeup, necklace and smiling at him with my pink pouty lips.  i could tell right away that i had pleased him.

"I'm happy you followed directions" he said, "otherwise I would have had to spank you."

He must have sensed a little disappointment in me because he quickly added that "I may decide to give you a sissy spanking anyway."   He immediately put me into femme subspace.

Submissive as i felt, i did take him by the hand and led him into the guest bedroom.  He took me in his arms and held me while he kissed me and told me to get him undressed.  With my clit throbbing n my panties, i tried to take my time while i undressed him, but wanted him naked quickly.  i kissed his chest when i took off his shirt.  i stroked and kissed his thighs when his pants came down.  i buried my face in his crotch and kissed his cock when i slid down his briefs.

He pushed me down on the bed and lay on top of me.  i wrapped my smooth legs around me as i felt his strong muscled chest against my smooth bosom.  "Soon, I hope you're ready to let me take you like a woman" he said.  i felt my heart flutter.  i was stunned.  Nervous and unsure about what to say, i waited a little and said "i'd love that."   Before i could say anything else, his massive cock was parting my lips.

We spent the afternoon in bed, talking in between bouts of sex.   There was also a little modeling for him.  When i told him how i had changed my mind about what to wear to greet him, he told me to put the original outfit on for him.  He liked it.  It's the outfit i wore for my spanking.

It's not the first time i found myself over a man's lap.  Ken had spanked me before but not that often.  Jake got into it.  It was more than a playful spanking.  i loved being told what a naughty girl i was.

When the spanking was over, i proved it by taking his beautiful cock in my mouth and swallowing every drop of his hot and loving cum.
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Babydoll Boy

It's been a busy week, but not busy enough where i couldn't at least post a couple of times.  However, it's been a pretty emotional week for me.  And maybe for Diane as well.  Predictably, to some readers and some who have left comments, i'm beginning to struggle with Diane's decision to cuckold me with Brian.  We knew it wouldn't be easy and some struggles were to be expected, but i'm having a much more difficult time than She is.

And therein lies one of the problems i guess.  She's enjoying Herself tremendously.  But that's only one of the issues i've had to deal with this week.  The other involves Diane's close friend Linda.  Linda's also having an affair with a married man, so i suppose it would be natural that the two of them would share things.  However, i never thought that Diane would share that i know about Her and Brian.  i almost died when She told me that. 

Part of what led to Diane doing so had to do with how turned on i get when Diane would verbally tease me about telling Linda about me being a sissy cuckold.  Linda's very attractive and Diane knows that i think she's very sexy, so She's often brought up Her name in our fantasy play scenes.  Many involve me serving the two of them as a sissy maid or even being disciplined in front of Linda.  So apparently during one of their more intimate discussions, when Linda asked how Diane made it look so easy to meet up with Brian, She explained to Linda how i knew about it and was ok with it. 

Diane insists the conversation was in the strictest confidence, and that Linda doesn't know that Diane told me about it.  So when Linda's around, i'm supposed to act like she knows nothing about my being a willing cuckold. 

i'm also jealous that Diane seems to have none of the emotional issues that i'm dealing with.  i'm jealous and envious of the calm and collected way She's dealing with all of this.  i made a comment that got Her upset.  i told Her that i felt She was exploiting my submission.  She doesn't see it that way at all.  She feels She's helping me with it, nurturing it, and providing an open environment where i can experience what i truly want. 

It's an emotional roller coaster.  Everything that's happened are things that i've fantasized about before and got turned on when i did.  Yet when they happen and i have to live through them,  get all emotional about it.  When it's all over though, admittedly there's a certain fulfillment that i do enjoy.

i do have a date with Jake tomorrow.  i'm hosting him here at home where i'll have the house to myself all day.  Diane won't be home until 7 PM.  I'm also going shopping today for something to wear for Jake.  He wants to see me in a baby blue short nighty.  Pretty specific.  i love the dominance that specificity shows. 

i told Diane i was going shopping and got permission to buy the babydoll.  She thought it was pretty cool that i was going shopping to please my boyfriend.  She's already sent me a text asking:

"Has my babydoll boy done her shopping yet? xox D"

She knows how to push my sissy buttons.  That's one of the reasons i still love Her.
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A Cuckold Night

Tonight's a cuckold night.  I'm home alone and Diane is spending the night with Brian and a rather upscale hotel downtown.  She's been primping for it all week; purchasing new lingerie, getting a pedicure and manicure at the spa, and overall just being obsessed with seeing Brian tonight.

i traveled a bit this week on business and this part-time job is becoming a grind for both me and Diane.  She wants me to quit and has given me an ultimatum.  Either my hours reduce dramatically or i'll be forced to resign.  "Your housewife duties are suffering and I'm not going to put up with it" She said.  i understand our contract and She's right.  "Don't you miss being a full time housewife?" She said laughingly.

Her teasing might be the same but it seems a little more pointed lately.  Maybe i'm just being overly sensitive.  She's also becoming more dominant and in some ways, i feel She's being a little less "careful" about Her affair with Brian.  Meeting him at the hotel tonight is an example of what I mean.

Before She left this morning She reminded me that i was due to start my period today.  The box of tampons and a pad were left on the vanity for me to use.  Maybe that's why i'm feeling overly sensitive.

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Feeling Like A Woman

Both of us have been pretty busy.  Work and family do that do you right?  It hasn't stopped Diane from staying in touch with her lover Brian every day.  i also do my best to email Jake.  It feels very strange, both of us going about setting up our next dates with our boyfriends.  Diane's take precedence of course, and i always have to ask Her permission before i can meet with Jake.  She's never said no to my requests, and doubt She would have reason to.

Last night, after a weekend spent with family, i asked Diane if She was "falling in love" with Brian.  i've been holding back on asking Her that, despite Her repeated assurances that this whole thing was going to be just about sex.  i still have insecurities and i sometimes see subtle changes in how She acts, and particularly in how She views sex with me. 

Our sex has a little more of an edge to it.  She's more controlling, demanding and in subtle ways, quick to point out the differences between me and Brian.  She's touched on my passivity as opposed to his aggression, my strong desire to please as opposed to his demand to be pleasured.  Some of the things Diane says or does are hard to specify, but just add to a different atmosphere She's creating and seems to enjoy.

Last night Diane initially ignored my question about whether She was falling in love with Brian.  Instead, She said to me "You know, sexually, I'm very similar to Brian."

"How's that?" i asked.

"Well, we both know how to make someone feel like a woman" She answered. 

The comment hurt at first.  Then She put her arms around me from behind, kissed my neck and whispered "Well?  Don't we?"

i know Diane does, and i'll have to take Her word for it about Brian.  From all indications, he does too. 
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Cuckolding Indifference

Diane had Brian over one night this week while i was out of town.  He didn't spend the night even though She wanted him to.  He needed to get back to his hotel room at a decent hour just in case his wife were to call him.  Even though like most people they talk on his cell phone when he's traveling, he doesn't want to take the chance that she would try to reach him at the hotel.  i can understand that.  Unlike Diane's situation where She has no such concerns about my finding out, Brian's is much different. 

This "open cuckolding" makes Her lifestyle much easier, and as Her relationship with Brian becomes stronger and more intimate, She enjoys flaunting it in front of me.  She's told Brian he can call Her on Her cell phone any time he wants.  She's told him if She can't talk, She'll just make believe it is someone from work and cut the conversation short.  Keep in mind, that Brian thinks Diane is keeping their affair secret from me.  Instead, i know everything Diane wants me to know about it. 

When Brian calls, rarely does She tell him that She's unable to talk, even if i am right next to Her.  Within a matter of seconds they're totally engrossed in what's usually a pretty erotic conversation, either talking about past or upcoming trysts of theirs.  Her indifference to my presence is sometimes difficult to accept.  There have been a few times where i thing She's actually told him to call at specific times that might even be more humiliating for me.

That seemed to happen last night when, only a few minutes after She told me to get down to just my bra and panties and get ready to please Her, Her cell phone rang.  She knew it was Brian and simply answered "Great timing!" She explained to Brian that She was alone for a little while and was just getting ready to change into something more comfortable.  He must have urged Her to do so, and She too was down to Her bra and panties. 

i stayed kneeling in front of the loveseat where She was sitting and their conversation got pretty steamy.   She then asked him to hold on for a minute and after She put Her hand over the phone, told me to go stand in the corner.  i felt humiliated and wanted to just walk out of the room.  i almost did.

Instead, i obeyed and stood in the corner while She talked with Brian.  i tried to block their conversation out but couldn't.  Like an inferior cuckold, i got hard in my panties.  The humiliation kept turning me on. 

When their conversation was over (cut short because Brian had to go), i was called back to kneel in front of Diane and pleasure Her.  i wasn't there long.  She came very quickly.  She also let me play with myself sissy style while holding Her panties.  "I bet Brian would have loved to know my sissy cuckold was standing in the corner while we were talking" She said.  That made me cum instantly. 
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My Special Panties

Thanks to everyone who left comments to my last post about where to find the kind of panties that Jake would like to see me in.  Well, i finally ordered some today and soon, i'll be modeling them for him!

Diane's fully aware of my special search and has been helpful in her own right.  Not necessarily from finding the exact solution for me, but in discussing the feminine mindset of dressing sexy for your man.  There's been some teasing about it, but amidst all the teasing and joking around, She's right that it really does make me feel more feminine and even submissive. 

There's almost a willingness on Her part to want me to look prettier, sexier and more feminine for Jake.  Similarly, i'm also resigned to the fact that She's doing the same thing for Brian.  On the days when i know She's going to meet him, there's always either new or the best sets of lingerie laid out for Her to wear and plenty of extra primping on Her part. 

She likes the panties i ordered and once they arrive and She gets to see them on me, She may even order some for Herself.  Different colors though.  Brian loves Her in black.

Here are the panties i ordered.  Three pairs, one each in pink, blue and white.

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Looking for Panties

A busy week came to a difficult end yesterday. i wrote several times about a previous bi relationship i had with Ken until he moved away, and how i was looking forward to seeing him when he visited this summer.  That was before i met Jake and i just wouldn't have felt right playing with Ken while being involved with Jake.

i had lunch with Ken yesterday even though i had told him i didn't want to play.  We had plenty of intimate and fun times together and are still friends.  It was a difficult lunch.  He told me how disappointed he was that we couldn't play together while he was here and left the door open if i wanted to do so.  i'm not going to change my mind.  When i played with Ken, he was the only man i was involved with.  That was our agreement.  He understands and we're still friends and i have to say that he still makes me horny.

Things seem to take more time with Jake than they did with Ken when it comes to expressing his fantasies openly.  i can understand because i'm the same way.  But we're both making progress.  Yesterday, Jake revealed to me how a certain type of panty really turned him on (not wearing them..lol...but seeing them on me!) and how he'd like me to get a few pairs.  He loves panties that have a seam straight up the back along a woman's ass cheeks.  i'm not sure what you call panties like that and he even sent me a picture of what he meant.

 So now, i'm on the market for panties like that and haven't been able to find many online.  i haven't gone out shopping for them yet either but if any of my readers know where i can find something similar (he would love to see me in a pair of white ones) please let me know.  i'd love to have them for our date next week!

Feel free to leave your suggestions here, or if you prefer send me an email.  Thanks :)
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A Complete Cuckold?

i had to take somewhat of an unexpected business trip this week and haven't been able to post anything on the blog.  i procrastinated in doing so last weekend and then when i found out i had to travel late Sunday, i just ran out of time.  In fact, i'm still away from home and won't be back until tomorrow night. 

There was a time when traveling alone was something i looked forward to because of the opportunity it gave me to fully express my feminine self.  i would bring some lingerie with me, do some shopping and several times i even visited a woman who provided makeovers for crossdressers.  There was no sex involved, but just an entire makeover from head to toe that included makeup, a wig, and just about any type of clothing you could think of.  i used to love my trips to Chicago!

For the most part, that thrill is gone because i have the opportunity to express my feminine self both at home and with Jake.  At home, my role as Diane's wife couldn't be any clearer.  Not only am i expected to do all the things a real wife would do, She goes out of Her way to make sure i know that i'm the wife and She wears the pants in the family.  It's become more pronounced since She and Brian have been seeing each other.

My Friday date with Jake was really nice.  i got to get dressed fully for him at his house despite my nervousness.   It was silly because there was no way anyone was going to be around.  It was the first time i wore a dress, hose, heels and a wig for him.  It felt so awesome to be held by him and have him cup my ass as he brought me close to him.  It wasn't the first time we kissed, but it was the best by far.  i pleasured him several times and after the last time, he "allowed" me to play with myself (in sissy fashion of course) and i came while i licked his balls one last time.  He also loved watching me lick up whatever cum spilled on to the kitchen floor!  i am beginning to really love his growing dominance.

Brian and Diane got together tonight, and i still haven't heard from Her yet.  She told me if i didn't hear from Her than Brian may be spending the night. 

i hate to admit it, but the fact that Diane has become submissive to another man seems to be a type of humiliation i crave.  In some ways, it seems to be a step towards making me a more complete cuckold.   But i also have a feeling there's even further to go. 
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A Sub Sissy's Lack of Confidence

It's not surprising i suppose that a submissive like myself lacks confidence.  There are some things i want to bring up to Jake that deal with some of my more kinky fantasies that i'm afraid to do right now, preferring to bring them up at the right time or waiting until we've been together more often. 

i'm seeing him today for one of our supposed Friday golf games,  only this time we're playing at his house this afternoon.  He's assured me that no one will be around until at least six o'clock or later tonight so we'll have plenty of privacy.  i'll still be nervous though.  It's just something i can't help. 

This morning while getting dressed Diane looked at me and said "I like those panties, are those new?"  i told Her they weren't but that i hadn't worn them in awhile.  They were white panties with a pink and white floral pattern on them and some scalloped lace panels in the front.  "I think Jake will like them" she laughed.

I was a little surprised when She told me I was more than welcome to take the handcuffs we had used the other night if i wanted to.  "You seemed to enjoy having them on" She laughed, adding that She enjoyed using them to.  i didn't really answer Her, instead thinking about how i lacked the confidence to introduce the handcuff play to Brian.

"Can i ask You who's idea it was to use them the other night?" I asked Her. 

"Both of ours really.  We had talked about it before, you know discussing some fantasies and things.  I guess it was Brian's idea, but I knew he'd be bringing them" She told me.

"Why didn't he take them back?  Did you tell him he could leave them here?" I asked her, curious as to how they ended up staying here.

"It makes sense to keep them here.  I just told him it wouldn't be a problem that I would make sure they were hidden where you wouldn't see them.  I could tell him that it didn't matter if you saw them or not.  Or even, that I used them on you!" She said with a big smile, walking over to me to give me a kiss and a stroke on my panties. 

"Someone's a little excited I see" She said feeling me through the panties.

i was.  All these thoughts were going through my submissive mind at the same time; having been handcuffed with the same cuffs my wife's lover used on her, the impunity with which She decided to keep the handcuffs here in plain sight for me to see, the idea of asking Jake to use them on me and finally, wondering what other toys Diane might possibly get Brian to leave here.

i was lost in thought when Diane said "I better stop stroking you before you mess those pretty panties!"

Yes, She always knows what's best.  i want Jake to see these today.
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"It's Only a Game"

My lack of posting the past few is a reflection of my mood.  It's been an emotional week for me.  Diane's meeting with Brian Monday night revealed something i'd suspect for awhile but wasn't really sure about.  Their relationship has turned a little kinky.  Kinky in that she enjoys submitting to him. 

That's been hard for me to deal with.  Never in our marriage has Diane ever exhibited or revealed any desire to be submissive.  It's always been the exact opposite.  Now, she's submitting to Brian.

i didn't find out exactly by accident either.  Diane does nothing by accident.  It's all planned.  The handcuffs were laying on the chair in our bedroom right next to her bra and panties.  She obviously wanted me to see them.

i can't say i was shocked, but confirming my suspicions hurt in a way.  And She could see it.

"Look, it's only a game" She said.  "Get over it."

i told her i was surprised because She never let on that it was something She enjoyed.  i wished She would have told me.  Then what She said has really stuck with me:  "How could I enjoy being submissive to someone who I knew couldn't be dominant.  It just would never feel right."

Later, i found myself in the same handcuffs Diane had worn earlier that night for Brian.  With my hands cuffed behind my back, i licked her pussy.  As i licked She told me that She had worn them while sucking his cock.  It didn't take me long to cum in my panties after She said that. 
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Sissies and Petticoats

Every sissy has their own favorite items of female clothing.  While most of us love all things feminine, there are just certain garments, colors or styles that simply make us swoon!

i can't say that i have an absolute "favorite" item because sometimes it depends on my mood and i get aroused by different things at different times.  One of my absolute favorites though, regardless of my mood is a pretty petticoat.  i don't get to dress in them often, but when i do the feeling is heavenly.  i have a couple of petticoats and each time i wear them in Diane's presence She'll make me twirl around and model it for Her.  That is so lovely!

i'm hoping to introduce my wearing of petticoats to Jake soon.  i hate to unload all of these fantasies on him right away for fear of scaring him away.  i think i'll be able to figure out how he'll feel about them soon and at the right time, bring it up.

One of my favorite petticoat sites is Petticoat Pond, which i have linked to in my "Of Interest to Sissies" blog list section.  Here are a few delicious selections from their Update Log:

 This one is called "Snow Bunny" and the model is in a rather seductive pose which is her feeble attempt at modesty.  She's hiding her bra but leaving her beautiful pink petti or tutu exposed.  Beautiful.

Here's something a little more vintage; a powder blue full petticoat on a lovely smiling model.  She's obviously happy to be wearing the petti and probably just getting ready to put her dress on and maybe head out to a square dance.  But no...not in those heels!

And last but not least, is there anything better than a petticoat as part of a sissy maid's ensemble?  Especially one where your panties can be seen?  You're right, there isn't!

It's off to the baseball game tonight while Diane hosts Brian at our house.  i keep wishing i was there, but realistically, not sure I could go through with it.
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Boyfriends Are Back

Both Brian (my Wife Diane's lover) and my new "boyfriend" Jake are back from their vacation tomorrow.  Diane has already spoken with Brian several times while he's been gone and i have been in contact with Jake via email.

Diane's wasting little time in getting together with Brian.  i've been told to "make yourself scarce" tomorrow night because Brian is coming over for the evening.  i'm to be out at a ball game and not home before 10:30 PM.

It's the harsh reality of cuckolding.  Diane told me not to worry, that i'd get to enjoy Her when i returned.  She promised to save me "a little something."

i'll write more tomorrow.  We just returned from a weekend away.
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Meeting a "Wife's" Needs

Other than going into the office just briefly yesterday, Diane decided to take the entire week off.  It's been nice.  We got to spend time together, talk, shop and just enjoy being together while our "boyfriends" are away on their own family vacations. 

Despite having my period this week, we've been rather sexually active.  Diane's teased me about how horny She's been all week and how much She misses manly sex with Brian.  i've pleasured Her as best i could (at least twice each day) orally and a few times, using a hand held vibrating dildo on Her as She fantasizes about Brian.  This form of pleasure for Her has given me an insight into some of their lovemaking.  Diane might be exaggerating some of the things She talks about while i pleasure Her this way, but there's clearly a change in Her approach to sex since She's been with Brian. 

She hasn't made love to me with Her own strap-on since i started my period on Sunday.  However, there have been multiple "sissy masturbation" sessions, even a few while i was still "fully pantied."  It does make for a little bit of a mess and Diane laughed and told me since i lacked so much control that "maybe you should wear a diaper instead of panties."  She's also been teasing me by saying that She hopes my period is a short one so that She can make real love to me before the weekend.  That's a good sign.  I'm expecting Her to let me know today that my "time-of-the-month" has come to an end.

We were shopping the other day and Diane picked out a cute little summer nightgown for me.  i also pointed out something that i thought would look good on Her.  Her first comment was "Do you think Jake would like it?"  i told Her i thought he would, but that i really liked it.  We bought it and She wore it for me the next night. 

As we were shopping i thought about how each of us works hard to please each other as their "wife."  In our relationship, we really are each others "wife."  i don't sexually pleasure Diane like a real man would, and we're both more than okay with that.  But She definitely pleases me like a wife gets pleased.  She's even back to calling me "wifey" more and more.  i am loving all of it.  The more She does these things, the more submissive and feminine i feel.

By all indications, She's loving it too. 
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Feeling Feminine & Sexy

Diane had me modeling some lingerie for Her tonight.  It made me feel so damn feminine and sexy.  i just had to share how sexy i felt with all of you.  i had to admit to Her how much i wanted to serve....either Her, Jake, or Brian.

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A Sissy's Independence

As a married submissive sissy, i consider myself lucky in so many ways.  Most of all, i'm incredibly fortunate to have an understanding (not to mention Dominant) Wife who loves me very much.   In our marriage, we're both very fortunate to be who we want to be.  It's not always easy but we've managed to make it work. 

Diane wanted to surprise me with something very feminine for the July 4th holiday.  She just told me that She wasn't able to find exactly what She wanted, but who knows, we may have time for shopping tomorrow. 

She did send me this photo of a cute little patriotic sun suit.  She thinks every sissy should own a little girl's sun suit.  i wouldn't disagree with Her even if i was allowed :)

i may not have time to post tomorrow, so let me take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Independence.  Have a very safe holiday. 
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Loving Her Sissy

Diane must have left out the tampons and pads last night before she went to bed.  They were on the vanity in the master bath when i got up this morning; a reminder that i was due to start my period today.  i had it on my calendar but Diane enjoys doing little things like that just to make sure i don't forget. 

i was getting ready to use the supplies She had put out when She told me to hold off until later this afternoon.  "Periods don't always start first thing in the morning" She said with a laugh.  i smiled at Her and put the things back on the vanity.

i'm also feeling femme today for a few other reasons.  As my role as Diane's submissive wife and cuckold becomes more ingrained in our lives each day, and as i continue to see Jake, the tone and content of many of our conversations with each other have also changed.  For instance, this morning while sipping on Her morning coffee and reading the Sunday newspaper Diane said "Isn't it funny how both our boyfriends are gone on vacation with their wives this week?"  I agreed that it was quite the coincidence.

Maybe i shouldn't be, but i was struck by the nonchalance with which She said that to me.  i thought about how possibly, even though i am still Her husband, She really doesn't look at me that way any more in the traditional sense.  She seems to view me more as Her submissive girlfriend and even treats me that way sexually.   Because of that, i'm finding myself needing more affirmation of Her love for me.  i'm a little more insecure than i was and it's not because of my cuckolding but more because of how i think She sees me. 

Late this morning we went to the gym together and after showering when we got home,  Diane told me it was time for some fun.  i love pleasing Her.  i don't think i'm that different than many submissives who get tremendous emotional satisfaction from pleasing their Dominant Wives.  Our own sexual gratification isn't that important to us.  That's how it is with me and Diane.  But today, She made sure i got satisfied as well. 

Once again, i took Her strap-on rather aggressively.  She enjoyed teasing and taunting me, telling me i'd better not cum until She gave me permission.  i'm glad She didn't wait to long to give me permission.  i came when She was deep inside of me.  It was a powerful orgasm for me.  But it wasn't the best part of the morning for me.  There were two things that were more important to me.

The first was when i provided her pleasure.  The other, and most important of all, was when She told me She loved me.
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Bedtime for Sissies

Do you like this cute little babydoll nightie?  i just love it. 

Bedtime can be so much fun for a sissy like me!

Good night everyone.
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