i don't intend this post to be a downer for everyone on Valentine's Day and i want to apologize if that's the way it comes across. i'll do my best not to make it seem that way. So first, let wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day! i read somewhere today online where a submissive sissy wrote that his Mistress told him that today should be a "National Sissy Holiday." What an awesome idea! So, i hope everyone has a great day.
i made reference to an argument that Diane and i had when i returned from my brief business trip. Like most all arguments between two married spouses, it began over something incredibly trite and silly. The seeds of the argument aren't what's important, but rather what ensued is. To set the stage, i had got home before Diane did and immediately changed into my feminine attire which included a very frilly apron. i was preparing dinner when She walked in. We kissed and i could tell She wasn't in the greatest of moods and neither was i. i had a frustrating trip and She must have had a stressful day also.
Our conversation seemed a little strained and She asked if i had called the car dealer before i left to set up an appointment for Her car later this week. i told Her that i had forgotten and apologized for my error. She was more upset because She had reminded me several times and i told Her i would get it done. The discussion quickly deteriorated and i said something that i shouldn't have. It only got worse from there.
i was angry, and felt silly standing there in a frilly apron arguing with my Dominant Wife. my outer self looked submissive, but my inner self seemed defiant. She sensed that and pounced on it right away, accusing me of "not taking this relationship seriously" and calling it one of my "little sissy games." The words stung, but they would get worse.
"This isn't something you can weave in and out of whenever you fucking feel like it" She said dripping with anger. Now, Diane hardly ever, ever, uses profanity when She's angry. The use of the F-word made me realize just how angry She was, and i should have just stayed quiet and apologized. Instead, we continued.
i almost felt as if She was taunting me, saying things that She knew would elicit another stupid response from me. i eventually made a comment about Brian, and how She didn't have to prance around and appear so "goddamn happy about the sex you have with him all the time."
She just looked at me paused and eventually laughed. "So, do you expect me to fake it? Make believe it's not the best sex I've ever had and look miserable? Is that what you want?" i didn't answer, but She continued, "Your sex with Jake seems to be pretty enjoyable for you. Have you heard me bitch about that?" She said nearly screaming. "You think it's just fine for you to meet your feminine needs with a real man, but it bothers you when I do the same? Do you really think I see you as a man anymore? You better change you're attitude because I'm not going to put up with it." She stormed upstairs and slammed the door to our bedroom.
She didn't come down for about two hours, all the time i just finished dinner and put it in the fridge. When She came down she didn't say a word, made herself a salad and made her way back upstairs. When i finally worked up the nerve to go upstairs, i was surprised to find her empty plate and wine glass outside the door. Next to it was one of my nightgowns, my pink slippers and bathrobe, a clean pair of panties and my toothbrush. The door was locked. i slept in the guest bedroom that night.
So, it was an emotional week to say the least. Finally, the chill went away and i fell to my knees and apologized to Diane. The things i told Her are somewhat private and very intimate. i did so at the urging of a dear sissy friend with whom i've struck up an online friendship. She was so helpful to me in so many ways. i don't want to mention her name here because she has a blog and i don't want her to get inundated with requests for help from every sissy on the web. She was like a big sister to me with the advice she gave me.
Diane accepted my apologies but told me I have a long way to go before I regain Her confidence; confidence that this is what i want and can be a real submissive to Her. She told me there would be more "tests" of my willingness to be Her wife and submissive. How i react to these tests will show how sincere my apology was.
i can accept that Diane doesn't see me as a man anymore. She's hinted at that before but just never came out and said it so directly.