i intend to delve into the argument we had and the eventual outcome, but first i want to write about something that i mentioned in a previous post, and was prompted to expound upon by Ms. Vanessa Chaland. i'm sorry i disappointed Ms. Chaland and any other readers with my delay; it was never my intention to do so.
Nearly two weeks ago, in a post titled Caving In To my sissy Urges, i wrote about my being proactive and contacting Jake to see if he wanted to get together. This was after i had sort of played "hard to get" and rebuffed his own request to do the same. In the post i wrote the following:
Ms. Vanessa left a comment saying She would love for me to expound on the 'how and why' of my statement. Let me try to explain my feelings and thoughts on this.
"The humiliation that would exist if i were to service Brian in front of Diane isn't present when i'm with Jake. Instead, it's replaced by a feminine submissive feeling that's hard to describe. It's that urge that made me cave in and change my mind about the feelings i wrote about in my earlier post."
Let me start by identifying the two situations i describe as Sissy Humiliation and Cuckold Humiliation. The former would be when i was with Jake, serving him as his sissy, while the latter would be when i was the cuckold with Brian and Diane.
Also, i want to use the following picture to give context and perhaps help with my explanation. It's a photo i reblogged on my tumblr blog yesterday and i thought it might fit well into this discussion.
The photo jumped out at me because it reminded so much of my last time with Jake. He had come from work and was dressed in business casual attire. i was dressed in slacks, a white blouse and heels. i had a wig on and a little bit of makeup. Underneath, i had a bra, white camisole, ruffled panties and knee socks. He liked what he saw and soon told me to strip down to my undies.
The order to strip immediately brought out the humiliating feeling i was referring to. Here we were, two males who otherwise would be viewed as equals, but his command to me quickly changed that dynamic. i was not his equal. He made that clear. Soon, he was seated in a chair and had me kneeling in front of him. He caressed my face and held it similar to what the man in the photo is doing to the girl, and asked if i was ready to pleasure him. i looked into his eyes, smiled and nodded in the affirmative.
The "sissy humiliation" i experienced, that of being used by another man while i sink into that submissive and feminine mood, is one that even though i might appear to be the ultimate submissive, reality is that i am very much in control of the scene and the situation. i enjoy every minute of it and fulfill my innermost desires. In many ways, the humiliation i experience is "self-inflicted", i'm getting what i want and crave.
Cuckold humiliation on the other hand is far different. There, i am no longer in control. So far, Diane has controlled everything when it comes to cuckolding and that isn't about to change.
The humiliation i experience as a cuckold stems from several factors and realities. i can't help but be viewed as an inferior male, one who cannot or does not pleasure his wife as well as her lover. Further, my submission and feminization is on full display for him to see. i feel as if this only topples the entire power dynamic in his favor. The more comfortable he becomes with it and enjoys it, the greater the disparity in power and control.
Going back to the picture for a moment. i haven't been made to kneel like that in front of Brian and service him or prepare him while Diane watches on the sidelines. But if it does happen, it would be so different than doing the exact same thing with Jake. Probably the most humiliating thing i've ever experienced.