i haven't disappeared completely even though it may appear that way. Some consulting work that necessitated travel is one of the reasons. The other is the mini-funk i'm in. i haven't seen Jake in awhile and based upon our last talk, there's a good chance whatever we had going with each other is over.
It seemed like only a month or so ago everything seemed to hold so much promise. We talked about exchanging our fantasies, being more open with each other about what we like, he seemed to want to be more dominant with me, etc. All was well and i was brimming with excitement. It just never worked out that way.
i mentioned before that Jake would go through these moods where his desire to be serviced by another would climb to its peak. Unfortunately, after those peaks wore off there were many valleys; lengthy periods where there was no interest at all. He denied it was guilt feelings. i'm not so sure.
As for me, my own desires to be submissive to a man in a feminine way don't go away. i've told him that and in our last discussion, finally told him that i can't put up with his part-time sexual fantasies any more. He understood and that's how we left it. i'm sure i'll hear from him again and he'll want me to get all dolled up and pretty for him so i can give him the pleasure he wants. i don't want to go through this over and over so my answer is likely to be "no."
In the meantime, i'm hoping to meet someone else. It's a long process and not something i would want to start all over again. However, i did meet a man about a year and a half ago who seemed to be what i was looking for. We had breakfast together a couple of times and he left the ball in my court. At the time, things with Jake seemed promising and there was a little bit of a distance issue with this other man (he lives about 60 miles away). He has stayed in touch, often asking how i was doing and if i had met anyone.
His name is Howard and he's a couple of years older than me, married, dominant and has a need for discretion like i do. He was very much into my dressing for him, insisting that i dress completely when and if we were to get together. He's 100% top and told me up front not to expect any type of reciprocation. Exactly what i was looking for.
Strangely enough, the only thing that initially gave me pause is what now excited me most about him. Howard made it very clear that if i wasn't willing to allow him to have anal sex with me, then he wasn't interested. He understood that it would take time and that when i finally submitted to him we would do it safely but said that if i couldn't commit to making it happen, then not to waste his time. His forwardness put me off a little bit.
We talked again a few times and i understood him better. He was just being honest in telling me what his interest was. He didn't want to waste my time either. Oral sex wasn't enough for him. And i've realized it's not enough for me now.
i sent Howard an email just a few minutes ago. He usually responds within a couple of days. i told him most of what i've written here and told him i'd like to meet again and see where things go. i also told him how happy i was that he had stayed in touch. i hope he responds positively. i don't really look forward to "starting all over."
Sixty miles isn't bad at all. Especially if you're with the right man!
Diane's had better luck than me. She and Paul see each other regularly and She tells me that he loves the idea that he's cuckolding me. No, he doesn't know that i know but Diane tells me that he gets turned on by the fact that he's having sex with another man's wife. "I've dropped these little hints about it when we're having sex and it drives him wild" Diane told me.
i know She likes it too.