Repressing My Sissy Urges

Earlier this week i got an email from Jake, then a phone call.  i didn't answer the email right away although it was my intention to do so, so a few hours later he called me.  There was some small talk and he asked me how i was doing, how the holidays were and so on.  i had a feeling i knew why he was calling and sure enough, he asked me if i'd like to get together with him again.

The honest answer would have been a "yes."  The more difficult one was to say no.  Luckily i had thought this through before and anticipated that he would contact me again at some point.  To be honest, i'd even thought about getting in touch with him but i didn't.  Jake had often told me that his desires to be with another man, to have someone orally please him without any reciprocation, would come and go.  There were periods where the desire was so intense according to him, and other times when it would wane and be almost non-existent.

It made me feel so "used" and inferior.  i felt like i was his little toy to be used during one of his needy periods; someone to be tossed aside when he didn't feel like it anymore.  i didn't only feel like that.  Facing reality, i really was that plaything of his to use until his urges subsided.  The urges are back now, and he wants me on my knees in front of him once again.

Being looked upon that way by another man has its own perverse sort of pleasure for a submissive.  i'd love to feel his cock on my lips and in my mouth once again.  i'd love to dress sexy for him and be told to drop to my knees and pleasure him.  i just can't do it. 

The urge to be a submissive sissy to a man remains.  It was hard to say no, but i'm glad i did.  Maybe i'll change my mind someday, but i doubt it.