Hi everyone, this is candi. terri has generously asked me to write some posts for her blog, and I'm looking forward to contributing on a regular basis. While we have much in common, the idea is to vary the content with a distinct voice that has a similar point of view. i hope that's not a contradiction (but then i am blond, so anything could happen!)
And we do have many similarities. i'm also a submissive, bisexual cross-dresser/sissy, who loves manifesting the feminine. We both love men, and especially *dominant* men. And this, dear reader, is my subject for today: what exactly *is* a dominant man?
i've met many men (not necessarily in a sexual context) who think/say they are dominants. But often they are not. They seem to fall into two categories, the angry ones, and the ones in denial. Many men confuse anger (at women, or men) as sexual dominance. It's not. Dominance is not driven by a need to demean, abuse or criticize a sub (although they can be excellent *tools* for expressing dominance). Dominance, i think, at it's heart, is the willingness to take on responsibility for another subject, and impose your will on that subject in a way that ennobles and pleasures both of you. Anger clearly has no place in that. In fact, i would say that being a true dominant is a *very* generous act. It requires a commitment to understand your sub, understand what they need, and translate and merge it with your own. It is a delicate balance between an extreme application of your rampant ego, and an understanding that a subs subjectivity can only be stripped so far.
Confidence, intelligence and a wicked sense of humor are fundamental ingredients (for me) of a good dom. Add psychological insight, a basically kind heart, and i'm there! Add to that a beautiful smile and a lovely endowment and - well, i'm quivering!. i will pretty much do *anything* for you! :-)
The other kind of faux-dom is the one who is really just fooling himself. They are the ones who actually want to be taken care of, not caretake. They are often actually submissive themselves, and (in this context) cross-dressers who have not really accepted or contacted their more genuine self. i have nothing against this, and in fact have a lot of sympathy for this situation. It took me quite a time to really accept my inner femininity, so i have some understanding. But in relationship to us sissies, i just wish they could find the clarity to know who they are, and stop confusing themselves - and us.
For me, a true dominant knows what he wants and knows how to get it, in a manner that pleases us both. He is the ultimate seducer. He knows how to modulate and apply his desire, he is in control of his emotions, and he understands how i need to be led, cajoled, and properly pushed into surrendering to him. He wants to own me, and knows how to manipulate and seduce me into wanting to be his property. He shows me with his actions and words that i can fall into his human hands and let go, and still be safe. His dominance and control of me, his intelligence, the power of his personality, his use of me as a sex object allows me to let go, makes me feel wonderfully, erotically vulnerable - but ultimately safe.