A Sissy's Feelings of Shame, Guilt & Humiliation

I was the youngest of three in my family, with my other two siblings being older sisters.  I don't attribute my fetish for crossdressing and other things feminine to the fact that I had two older sisters.  They, or my mother, never knowingly contributed to, or encouraged my fetish.  However, the fact that there were plenty of pretty panties, bra, slips and other feminine finery hanging around didn't hurt.

I remember the first time I had a full sexual reaction to a pair of my sister's panties.  It was wintertime and I was in the 4th grade.  There was something going on at school that my two sisters were involved in and my parents were there.  I was left behind because I had missed school that day with a cold but was feeling much better.  We lived in a very safe neighborhood and my parents let our next door neighbor, Mrs. B.,  know that I was alone.  She could check up on me if she wanted, but they told her I should be fine and asked if she could just call and see how I was doing.

After they left, I had the urge to go through both my sister's panty drawers.  They were in the 7th and 8th grade at the time and were just getting into girly things and developing an interest in boys.  I decided to try on one of my oldest sister's pink panties.  I remember how wonderful they felt and how hard my small penis got.

I remember taking out another pair of panties and a bra and laying on her bed, holding the bra and panties close to my lips and smelling them, fondling them and kissing them.  I suddenly felt a very different but warm feeling come over me and reached down between my legs and didn't realize what was happening.  I was in a strange state and for a brief moment had lost all control and oozed a milky fluid into her panties.  I was mortified and scared.

I hurriedly removed the panties and rushed to wash them as best I could.  I couldn't put them back into her drawer while wet so I wrapped them in a hand towel and hid them deep in my own closet.  I put the other two items away and made sure I tidied up her bed.  Just then, Mrs. B called to see how I was doing.  The phone scared the living hell out of me.  I told her I was fine and remember her saying "Are you sure, you sound like you just saw a ghost or something!"

To my knowledge, no one ever found out about that little incident.  I returned the panties a few days later and no one said a word.  What's most memorable about the incident was how shameful I felt after it happened.  I would do something similar many more times in my early years, teens, and even into adulthood.  Each time, there were feelings of shame, guilt and humiliation.

Today, thanks to coming to grips with who I am, along with the help of a loving, supportive and dominant wife, those feelings are a thing of the past.  I'm a very lucky sissy.