Yesterday turned out to be somewhat of a downer. When the woman at the front desk at the gym scanned me in, she told me to wait a second before i went into the locker room because i had a message. She found an envelope that had my name on it and handed it to me. The message was from Jake, apologizing that he couldn't make it to the gym Thursday or Friday, that something came up at work and he'd be out of town. "Let's try Saturday" was how the message closed.
The message really bummed me out. As nervous as i was about having coffee with him, there was also plenty of angst and constant worry about whether or not i was reading this right and even if i was, how i was supposed to act. Now with this cancellation, i would be filled with at least a few more days of nervousness.
This isn't like someone you meet online where you post an ad that, if written properly, should explain the type of person you are looking for. When you do that, the people who respond aren't usually surprised by your interests and fantasies if you've been honest. This situation with Jake makes me feel like a teenage girl in high school! Even if i am reading this correctly, and he is interested in me sexually, i still have to somehow make sure he's okay with my femme side. It's possible he suspects it because of my smooth legs, but somehow i doubt it. i've gone over ways i can bring it up in a conversation (if our conversation ever gets far enough) and will continue to fret over it.
I also started "my period" yesterday. When i walked into the bathroom yesterday morning, Diane had set out my box of Maxipads, a non-verbal signal that i should put one on immediately. By my calculations, i wasn't due to "start" and mentioned it to Her. "You must have miscalculated" was Her answer. i wore the pad.
Leaving the box of Maxipads out on the bathroom vanity was a clear message from Diane. She didn't have to spell it out either. i shouldn't expect to be exempt from having my period just because i was seeing Jake, now or in the future. It had nothing to do with my miscalculating.
i know i'm getting ahead of myself, probably way ahead. But, if things work out with Jake and we do get together, i'm either going to have to make excuses during "my time of the month", or i'm going to have more explaining to do.
i feel a little better today. i went to the gym early and am back at home getting ready to do some ironing. After my shower i'm going to wear something nice to do the housework. Maybe something different like some tight ladies jeans and heels. i may even put on a little bit of makeup. Just because a girl is having her period doesn't mean she can't look pretty.