The emotions that last Wednesday's meeting with Paul generated continue to soften and dissipate. Paul's rules and the way in which they were delivered along with Diane's apparent passive agreement were hard enough to absorb, but there's no doubt the shock of Diane's telling Paul about the blog was a bigger part of my anger.
Granted our lifestyle is very different than most married couples, but we're no different when it comes to how we act and react to things that cause major arguments. We love each other dearly, we love our daughters, and these arguments are typically followed with some soul searching, talking things through and sharing our most intimate feelings with each other.
Diane's not working today because of the holiday so we both enjoyed a leisurely morning at home together. We were both very relaxed and just enjoying each others company so it was the perfect opportunity to talk some more and i'm happy we did.
Diane shared something with me that She'd never brought up before. It wasn't something She was necessarily hiding from me but instead a very personal feeling or fear that up to now She'd kept solely to Herself. As confident a woman as She is, Diane's no different than all of us; some of our most closely held secrets involve personal fears or insecurities.
"This is something I've wanted for a long time and I know you have" She said, referring to a cuckold relationship in which i was more involved. Then She surprisingly added "And you know, I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to pass up the opportunity we have right now if it's at all possible."
Diane is a very attractive woman, one who's approaching Her middle aged years looking with absolute grace and beauty. Her concern about Her seem ridiculous to me as it would to others. But we all have these insecurities. What others think matters little.
i tried to reassure Her that Her age should be the least of Her concerns but She dismissed me and continued. It was best that i just listen. "I also don't want to do this again. I feel comfortable with Paul as a lover. If our relationship were to end, then that would be it. I'm not going to start a search for someone else. I'm sure of it. I wanted this to work so much and had a feeling it would but Paul seemed hesitant. I thought sharing the blog with him would convince him how real this could be. But before I did, I got his word that he would keep it a secret between the three of us. None of this was done to hurt you."
Her words brought tears to my eyes, then Hers. We talked some more. We kissed and we hugged. The tears were happy ones.
Diane won't be seeing Paul on Wednesday. The holiday has changed their work schedules a bit. But they're going to get together at some point. There's going to be another meeting. Paul's already agreed to that.
i wouldn't say i have my own "rules", but i do have a few things that i want to bring up to him. And so does Diane.
p.s. Once again, i want to thank everyone for their comments, emails, advice, support and words of encouragement. It's a nice feeling to know so many readers care...xox